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No, I didn't mean that. I just know some ways to bring in extra money, depending on the kind of work you do. I was just going to suggest them if you were interested.
turnera, I'm so sorry to be defensive on this issue. Lately this has been a sensitive issue. Part of the story is that I nearly died last fall. I became very ill (under suspicious circumstances) and spent two weeks on a ventilator. My lungs completely failed and my temperature was so high that the hospital kept ice on me for weeks. In the process I had brain damage. At one point the doctors told my family I would never survive. But I lived and had a lot of mental and physical therapy afterward. I do really well, but I now have limitations. And I'm okay with this. I just get upset when my estranged husband or one of my daughters tells me that I need to find a job--that there is nothing wrong with me!
I really would welcome any suggestions you may have on earning extra income. Lately I've been trying to come up with ideas for a future business. One day when this divorce is final, the court case is over, and bankruptcy is out of the way, I hope to have a new business and a life again. Whatever I end up pursuing is probably going to have to rely on more brain than brawn though.
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Originally Posted by tunera
You've already gotten the same advice I would have given - give them time to stop being self-centered teenagers, lol. I remember I hated my mom from about 15 to 23. Then it finally occurred to me all the sacrificing she had done; as a teenager, you rarely see it.
Many people tell me this--that teenagers and their parents are supposed to be at odds. It just seems strange to me. My mother and I were best friends when I was in that age group. I guess the relationship between my mother and me was unusual.
Anyway, I do appreciate your input here. I've read many of your posts and see that you have much wisdom.
My daughters did come home today. So far everything is okay. I took one of them out driving today. She needed to practice for her driving test. Fortunately she passed the test and now has a regular license. I guess that solves one problem but probably creates other problems.
While out today daughters and I had an interesting conversation. Well, mostly they talked and I listened. Apparently dear ole dad spoiled them while they were at his place. The usual stuff--hair styling at expensive salon (dying too), nice clothes (even the undies from Victoria's Secret), etc. And here we are with no income and filing bankruptcy. Then one of the daughters went on to tell me how much their dad misses them and how much he enjoys spoiling them. Ummmm K, then they proceed to tell me I shouldn't be demanding any child support out of dad because he buys them all these nice things. Yep, I buy all the necessities and he buys all the frills. How nice!
Oh, I have brought that to their attention--many times. Both my mother and counselor have told me to let them know the truth. I did keep my mouth shut today though. It was late in the afternoon, and I honestly wasn't up for a fight.
The counselor says she sees a bigger problem though. The estranged husband likes dating girls in their early 20s. He has treated these girlfriends the same way he treats our daughters--Spending a lot of money on them. The counselor says it is "grooming". I don't think the estrange husband will harm our daughters, but I just don't like it. My mother is quite upset about the situation; she brought up another interesting point tonight. She is afraid my daughters are going to have problems with future relationships. What man can ever stack up to dad. Guys in their age group will never be able to compare to good ole Santa Dad. So, now I'm wondering if they will become "sugar babies" hunting older affluent men who will spend money on them. Oh well, guess I will be chatting with the counselor tomorrow.
My stbxh and i fought a lot over getting things for the boys. I was raised poor, but loved, and i think that it's important for children not to have everything they want, and especially not to just have it handed to them. i wanted to give them chores and teach them to work as part of the family unit, but H disagreed, and so did mother in law. his side of the family has more disposable cash, and they like to spend it. We spent the good part of our marriage liv ing above our means and racking up credit, rolling it into mortgages, and racking up more credit. Now we're both going to b bankrupt, very likely. My son thinks it grows on trees, and gets down if we turn him down for anything. Does not like to help out, though. Unless there is serious coin for minimal work. Makes me really sad, and I hope that I can turn it around before he gets older. when he is visiting with me, I try to get him off the couch and have him help me do dishes or vacuum. I try to avoid paying him every time because I want him to see that family members are supposed to just step up. I point out when I am doing chores and point out that I do them without being asked and cheerfully. scouts has had somewhat of a positive influence in this area, but there is much room for improvement.
I think I would tell your children that you love them, more than any THING in the world, that you would give them the moon if you could, but you can't, so you will give them your ear, your shoulder, your hand, your heart. And even your foot in their rear, if that's what they need most. They should be old enough to see the value in the beautiful gifts you can give them. Good luck.
Thanks, uhaul4mybaggage. I hope things get better for you as well. Things got pretty bad here Friday night and Saturday morning. One of the girls just cannot understand NO and NO MONEY FOR THAT. She has it in her head those two obstacles are up for debate.
They are old enough for you to sit down with them and show them your spreadsheet on expenses. If you don't have one, this is a perfect time to sit down WITH your daughters and have them help you create one - as a family. They'll learn about money, learn about budgeting, and realize what you are up against. Great time also to discuss the difference between what Dad is doing and what YOU are doing.
Oh, we have done the budget thing. The counselor and I thought that would be a good idea last year when I no longer got a pay check from our business. The estranged husband continued getting his pay plus the money he embezzled. I also showed my daughters the "proof" of that. Unfortunately, one daughter saw nothing wrong with his behavior. She said he was entitled to do that because HE owned the business. That's not the case--I owned 50% of it.
So, last night I was trying to go over a few budget items with them once again. Both of them got annoyed and told me there was only one solution--that I get off my lazy butt and get a job. Or that I file for disability. I told them I had already been turned down for disability because I didn't have enough "credits" earned. And that's because I was a SAHM for so many years. They are just having a hard time comprehending that we must live within my means. But I agree, the budgeting process is a valuable tool for many problems.
Oh, we have done the budget thing. The counselor and I thought that would be a good idea last year when I no longer got a pay check from our business. The estranged husband continued getting his pay plus the money he embezzled. I also showed my daughters the "proof" of that. Unfortunately, one daughter saw nothing wrong with his behavior. She said he was entitled to do that because HE owned the business. That's not the case--I owned 50% of it.
So, last night I was trying to go over a few budget items with them once again. Both of them got annoyed and told me there was only one solution--that I get off my lazy butt and get a job. Or that I file for disability. I told them I had already been turned down for disability because I didn't have enough "credits" earned. And that's because I was a SAHM for so many years. They are just having a hard time comprehending that we must live within my means. But I agree, the budgeting process is a valuable tool for many problems.
So where does H get all the cash he burns through? He sounds like a flnancial train wreck. Is their no recourse for the cash he stole from the buisness?
All I can say is maybe Karma is real let's hope it is in your case!! My friend went through the same thing She cheated wanted the divorce, she didn't work, he did.
He paid 42% of his GROSS income to child support, plus 66% of all healthcare, after school care, and had to give the ex wife 1/2 of the assets. Which meant buying her share of the house from her. Now he only gets to see the kids 12 days a month!! How is that fair?
She and her new man are living the fat life while he is flat out broke. She takes the kids to fun places while he can't do anything.
So where does H get all the cash he burns through? He sounds like a flnancial train wreck. Is their no recourse for the cash he stole from the buisness?
Well, since 2007 the estranged hubby was taking excessive amounts out of the business. It was anywhere from $20K to $30K a month. He flat out blew it. Then when the business closed several months ago, he secretly sold the inventory and kept the proceeds. Plus he now has a high paying job.
He is indeed a train wreck! Some of my earlier posts really go into more detail. The courts really couldn't do anything with his behavior until I filed divorce. That was supposed to have enabled me to go before the judge and get a court order to halt his actions. However, anything like that becomes public record. And there is a much bigger court case (involving a contract dispute) out there which could be jeopardized if some of our "dirty laundry" goes public. I've been between a rock and a hard place for 18 months now.
My lawyers keep assuring me justice will be served in the end. Supposedly all the unequal distributions he took will be added up. They will then be offset against some of the assets we jointly own--or it may mean more spousal support. Right now I'm just trying to hold out until I see some of the "justice" in terms of money. And it's hard because I really don't have much money and my children don't understand any of the situation. But, then I don't want them to choose sides either. As parents, I would like for both of us to be on an equal playing field where the children are concerned.
All I can say is maybe Karma is real let's hope it is in your case!! My friend went through the same thing She cheated wanted the divorce, she didn't work, he did.
He paid 42% of his GROSS income to child support, plus 66% of all healthcare, after school care, and had to give the ex wife 1/2 of the assets. Which meant buying her share of the house from her. Now he only gets to see the kids 12 days a month!! How is that fair?
She and her new man are living the fat life while he is flat out broke. She takes the kids to fun places while he can't do anything.
I wish you the best!!
Thanks Let's hope Karma comes into play. I do feel confident the courts will eventually even the playing field. It's going to take time--and patience on my part though. It's just hard standing on the sidelines watching what my estranged husband is doing. And equally hard enduring the heartbreak of what my family has become.
Well, since 2007 the estranged hubby was taking excessive amounts out of the business. It was anywhere from $20K to $30K a month. He flat out blew it. Then when the business closed several months ago, he secretly sold the inventory and kept the proceeds. Plus he now has a high paying job.
He is indeed a train wreck! Some of my earlier posts really go into more detail. The courts really couldn't do anything with his behavior until I filed divorce. That was supposed to have enabled me to go before the judge and get a court order to halt his actions. However, anything like that becomes public record. And there is a much bigger court case (involving a contract dispute) out there which could be jeopardized if some of our "dirty laundry" goes public. I've been between a rock and a hard place for 18 months now.
My lawyers keep assuring me justice will be served in the end. Supposedly all the unequal distributions he took will be added up. They will then be offset against some of the assets we jointly own--or it may mean more spousal support. Right now I'm just trying to hold out until I see some of the "justice" in terms of money. And it's hard because I really don't have much money and my children don't understand any of the situation. But, then I don't want them to choose sides either. As parents, I would like for both of us to be on an equal playing field where the children are concerned.
Wow what an ahole H is, well at least sunny days are down the road for you. H might be the one singing the blues in the not so far future.
I just wanted to chime in with some encouragement, because your post struck me to the heart.
My parents have been divorced for 15 years. I love them both dearly, but I know that if my mother had raised me by herself I would be completely spoiled and no good for this world. :-)
My Dad used to complain a lot about having to be "the bad guy" all the time, but only as an adult do I understand.
Please, take heart - this is coming from a daughter...when yours are grown they WILL appreciate you. It may take a few years, but they will.
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Re: Why Does the "Non-Fun" Parent Finish Last? 
Then one of the daughters went on to tell me how much their dad misses them and how much he enjoys spoiling them. Ummmm K, then they proceed to tell me I shouldn't be demanding any child support out of dad because he buys them all these nice things. Yep, I buy all the necessities and he buys all the frills. How nice! 
