Going out with the boys..
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »The Family & Parenting Forums » Going out with the boys..

The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-29-2011, 03:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1
Default Going out with the boys..

Ok just as the title says but with a twist. Right now Iam currently away from my family. I dont see a problem in going out with the boys and not staying "locked up" come friday night. I was out until early in the morning and my wife was irritated by it, but she said that she understood. Then she asked if I would be going out every weekend and I told her that I didnt know. She was MAD at that. I didnt want to say no and then the following weekend go out again. I do not want to go out every weekend. But in her eyes I have no problem with staying out very late especially when I have my family. She says that Iam not acting at all as a father nor a husband and that Iam living this crazy single life because I said that I would do it again. I dont have a whole lot of responsibilities here. So in the end I told her that I wouldnt be going out for the rest of the time that I was here. She says that Iam failing as a christian husband and a father and will not be speaking to me for the rest of the time that Iam here. Oh yeah our anniversary is also coming up soon and that I have to live with my choices and that I have to see how long I can make it without her support and respect. Am I really doing anything wrong? I have no problem not doing what I want to to keep us happy.
chris1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-29-2011, 04:18 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 4,960
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

If she left you with the kids every Friday night and went out to a bar until the wee hours, would that be OK with you? Answer the question honestly, look in your heart. What would be your reaction if she did the same thing to you.

The rules of engagement in a relationship are the same for men and women. You don't get extra privileges because you are a boy and boys must be boys. That is where you made your mistake. No woman that you have a committed relationship with will think it is OK for you to spend a night out whenever you please.

It has nothing to do with your freedom as a man it has to do with respecting your wife and her feelings. If you insist on doing what you please don't be surprised when she refuses to please you in the marriage. If you are having all of the fun and freedom and she is stuck, why make any effort to make you happy when you stup to make an appearance in the home.

If you have not taken her on a date or spent quality time with her on a regular basis than I don't see how you can think this is OK. You have taken the wonderful gift of a loving understanding wife and (children?) for granted. I am certain she would like to get away too, but she probably wants to be with you.

You don't have to give up your friends but you need to be reasonable and respectful of a special relationship you have with your wife and children. It cares extra burdens that you should gladly shoulder as a man. I don't know what you mean by not having any responsibilities. Are you sure you are not avoiding your responsibilities?

Be careful not to lose what you have especially the love and devotion of your wife. She may stay with you but she will resent you and that resentment will accumulate over the years while she goes through the motions. Have an emotionally honest relationship by always examining what you are doing in reference to how you would feel if she did the same to you.
Catherine602 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 04:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,945
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
Have an emotionally honest relationship by always examining what you are doing in reference to how you would feel if she did the same to you.
With that wholeheartedly. I am not saying that you shouldn't ever be able to go out and hang out with the boys for a while, but I am saying that you have to be reasonable about it too. No, you don't need to go out every weekend. She is at home with the kids I assume? And now you decide that you are going to start having guys nights every weekend? I would find that a bit odd too. If you are okay with her getting all ****ted up and hanging out at the bar until the wee hours of the morning with some girlfriends, then by all means go ahead. But if you think that might for one second upset you, reevaluate and compromise.
DawnD is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 05:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
GreenEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 593
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
The rules of engagement in a relationship are the same for men and women. You don't get extra privileges because you are a boy and boys must be boys. That is where you made your mistake. No woman that you have a committed relationship with will think it is OK for you to spend a night out whenever you please.

It has nothing to do with your freedom as a man it has to do with respecting your wife and her feelings. If you insist on doing what you please don't be surprised when she refuses to please you in the marriage. If you are having all of the fun and freedom and she is stuck, why make any effort to make you happy when you stup to make an appearance in the home.

If you have not taken her on a date or spent quality time with her on a regular basis than I don't see how you can think this is OK. You have taken the wonderful gift of a loving understanding wife and (children?) for granted. I am certain she would like to get away too, but she probably wants to be with you.

Be careful not to lose what you have especially the love and devotion of your wife. She may stay with you but she will resent you and that resentment will accumulate over the years while she goes through the motions. Have an emotionally honest relationship by always examining what you are doing in reference to how you would feel if she did the same to you.
I am a wife, my H does the same thing and while I say it doesn't bother me, because if I say it does it will cause a fight, it does. I don't understand what business a married man has hanging out at a bar until 3 in the morning or later.....

Let me tell you something to consider when you choose going out with your friends over your wife (which I'm not saying you can never go out with them) Consider everything your wife does for you, cooking, cleaning, taking care of your children (if you have any) keeping you satisfied *wink wink* and many many other things I'm sure...now ask yourself if your friends that you are ditching her for would do all that for you....didn't think so....consider your priorities...I will tell you from first-hand experience that she will eventually come to resent you and emotionally pull away.
GreenEyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 05:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,901
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

Chris,
Keep this in mind, somebody out there wants your wife, they will take her out when you don't. They will call her and text her while your out. Someone out there wants to give your wife attention, a kiss, a shoulder to cry on b/c her man is out with the boys.

If you neglect her, a old boy friend on facebook, a co-worker, or the maintenence guy will provide your wife with the things you are not. They can be god awful ugly, but it wont matter its the attaention they will give that only counts to her.

Some guy at the store will flash her smile and they will become friends while your out with the boys.

Trust me, married or not there are vampires looking for the lonely wife that will do any thing and I mean anything for a little attention from a man that only wants her pants off. Short, fat, tall, skinny it won't matter as long as they listen to her and show her some friendship

Do your self a favor and love your wife, go out with your chick instead of the boys or someone else will, trust me.
the guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 08:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
bingofuel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 58
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

Argh!


Where do you find the energy to do that??? I MUST be getting old...

There is not enough information here for me to give any sound advice.. What do you mean you are "not with your family" What do you mean by you have "few responsibilities"?? Are you separeated and unemployed?? Or are you serving overseas and on leave?? How often are you pulling all-nighters? Every week, every other day? I will not comment on this until I have more information.

Last edited by bingofuel; 01-29-2011 at 08:16 PM.
bingofuel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 10:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 572
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

From what I understand:

- you are out of town
- your wife is at home with the kids
- you stayed out late while visiting your family

*if i got the situation wrong then my response might change.

I think she did over react about what you are doing while away from home. It isn't like you could be spending time with her and the children, so instead she wants you sitting on the couch watching TV until bed time.

When it comes to going out every other weekend when you are home....well, I honestly think it depends on how many kids, how old they are, and if you give your wife the same 'out with the girls' time. I honestly think that both spouses in a relationship should have friends outside the marriage and should be allowed to spend time with those friends.
TNgirl232 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2011, 09:55 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,945
Default Re: Going out with the boys..

I don't think he stayed out late visiting family, he stayed out late drinking.

I completely agree that we all need time with our friends, but when you are married with kids, if you don't want your wife getting dressed up and hanging out at the bar until 4am, then you should't do it either!
DawnD is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Self damnation? Do I like the bad boys!? raising5boyz Life After Divorce 25 09-13-2011 05:31 PM
Little boys & poop fatiguedfatherof4 The Family & Parenting Forums 13 06-28-2011 03:07 AM
Mommas boys? loveless25 The Family & Parenting Forums 1 02-09-2011 03:30 AM
hey boys! new guy in town! buttnuget The Men's Clubhouse 0 09-29-2010 10:34 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:36 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage