Hello Everyone, I'm new here and was hoping to get some feedback and advice on my situation.
I have two grown daughters (21 & 23) from a previous marriage. I had another daughter (9) with my current husband.
The 21 year old daughter has always been difficult. (school issues, behavior issues, lying) She is the one that had the baby and is now a single mother. This of course makes me a young grandmother. My husband and her have always butted heads. There have been brief moments (heavenly moments) where they laugh and get along. I cherish those little nuggets of time. Unfortunetely, most of the time they ignore each other and my husband makes passive agressive comments about all the mistakes she's made in her life. That is hard enough... I've had to deal with that for sometime. Being the mediator, being the middle man, being the peacemaker. Now, my grandbaby has arrived and she is precious to me. I love her and enjoy spending time around her. The problem is that my husband has transferred all the anger/resentment/frustration he feels about my daughter to this innocent 18 month old. Oh, he's not outwardly mean or unkind. He just acts like she doesn't really exist or matter. Which is worse? If I mention, lets take our daughter to the park, he says "great, let's go!", I then follow with, I'd like to take XXX (my granddaughter).. she will have fun. He instantly changes and no longer wants to go. In essence he is saying pick me or her... you can't have both.
The other day he came home from work and the baby was home. She actually stretched out her little arms to him. She wanted him to hold her. I passed her to him, hoping this little moment would melt his heart. He took her in his arms and held her away from his body as if she was contaminated. He did not bring his arms in to hold her close... he held her out at arm's reach. my heart broke. who rejects babies like this? and do I want to spend the rest of my life with them? I quickly took her from him and walked away. When I bring it to his attention he says... well when you want to spend time with her, I won't get in the way. He doesn't understand that I want a whole family unit... I don't want to have to divide my time. If I want to go someplace fun, I don't want to have to choose between going with my youngest daughter and the baby. Why can't we all go. My daughter LOVES her baby niece and she sees this. She just looks at me when he acts like this... I know it hurts her too. Is this what the rest of my life will be like? I don't think I can handle that for the rest of my life.. each time my grandbaby visits, my husband becomes as cold as a freezer.
what do i do? Sorry this is so long, but it has been in my heart for so long. It's been full for some time.