[4sure]

Baseball season is beginning here. Teams were picked this past weekend.
My 9yo son is very good at sports. He loves baseball. He was the 2nd kid picked out of 96 kids. His last year coach was trying to bargain with the coach who picked him, but his coach wouldn't let him go.

My son knows he's good, and will make comments at home, so far he hasn't boasted in public. I have explained that you may know it, but don't brag about it. It makes you look bad. He isn't mean to the other boys. In fact he encourages them, practices with the others that need the practice more, and has a great attitude.

I do want him to do well. I'm proud of him for putting in the work. I don't want a child who talks about himself, as if he is a star. So far he hasn't done this.

How does one teach humilty?

[moonangel]

Originally Posted by 4sure

Baseball season is beginning here. Teams were picked this past weekend.
My 9yo son is very good at sports. He loves baseball. He was the 2nd kid picked out of 96 kids. His last year coach was trying to bargain with the coach who picked him, but his coach wouldn't let him go.

My son knows he's good, and will make comments at home, so far he hasn't boasted in public. I have explained that you may know it, but don't brag about it. It makes you look bad. He isn't mean to the other boys. In fact he encourages them, practices with the others that need the practice more, and has a great attitude.

I do want him to do well. I'm proud of him for putting in the work. I don't want a child who talks about himself, as if he is a star. So far he hasn't done this.

How does one teach humilty?

I'd add "You know how it feels when your friend is great at drawing or math and it makes you feel terrible or hurts your feelings that they brag at how good they are? Well, don't do that to others because if you don't like how that feels then you don't want to make others feel that."

...something along those lines. Works on my daughter. She's very thoughtful, considerate, and humbling. I hope she stays that way forever.

[Sanity]

Humility is such a hard trait to teach because is example based. They learn from you and how you treat people and how you react to success and praise.

I've always found that failure is wonderful teacher of humility because it grounds you into reality.

Many years ago my younger brother and I used to play in a basketball tournament. My father was a huge basketball fan and was good friends with the other fathers. I remember my dad going to every game proud to see his kids play but he was especially proud of my brothers talent. We were playing the last game for regional championships and we lost by two points. At the end of the game it is customary to shake the hands of the opposing team and congratulate everybody on a great game. Well my brother dropped the F bomb in front of everybody and basically called our team losers because we lost the game for him.

I have never seen my father stand up so fast from the bleachers in disgust and walk over to my brother and explain to him how wrong he was. He made him look at his teammates and realize the personal embarrassment his actions caused.

When we got home my brother was grounded for 3 months. No TV, no sports, no nothing. Basically Food, shelter and school. He served EVERY minute of his punishment. It was kinda sad to watch TV and my brother was in his room looking at the ceiling.

Fast forward a few more months and we had another championship game and we lost again (bad calls). This time my brother shook every body's hand and congratulated everybody on the great game. He was showing a fake smile but he did show humility

I thank my dad for teaching me through that example.

[turnera]

I remember my mom telling me two things:

you are of no greater importance than any other person on earth; it's just what you do with your time here

and

your job on this planet is to leave it in a better condition than how you found it

Those did a good job for me.

[bilbo]

I agree that humility can best be taught through example. I have 3 sons. The oldest has humility issues (probably bad examples from mom and dad) and the younger 2 are most humble by seeing how much much it hurts me and the trouble he gets into when my oldest son show contempt with his words and actions. I keep trying to show my oldest (10 yrs old) how his actions hurt another and he shows understanding, but after countless times I wonder how long it will take.

[greeneyeddolphin]

It sounds to me like you're already doing a pretty good job of teaching him humility. I'd just keep up what you're doing.

I've found with my sons, who tend to be a bit down on themselves rather than being full of themselves, that it helps to point out strengths and weaknesses. Not in a mean way, more like "L, you are so good at drawing that I really don't think it matters too much that you struggle with math. Keep putting in the effort that you do with drawing into math and you'll be fine." I'm not sure how you'd go about it exactly when you're trying to make him humble rather than build his confidence, but if you could figure it out, it might help.