My wife hates my daughter...help!
Before I go into this I have to explain the situation with my daughter.
My first wife and I divorced 16 1/2 years ago and she took my daughter and ran away with her. I searched tirelessly for 16 years until I found my child in the care of the Children's Aid Society, where she had been for the past 8 years.
She was the victim of repeated sexual assaults by her mother's boyfriend ( he was convicted and sentenced to 8 months in jail) and was removed from the home and placed in foster care. When asked where I was, her mother refused to divulge the information and my daughter subsequently ended up bouncing from foster home to foster home.
Two years ago I found my daughter and we have been talking on the internet ever since, trying to forge the father-daughter relationship again.
During the time I was searching, I met my current wife, a beautiful Filipina woman, with 2 sons from a previous marriage. We have been together 11 years now and I have raised the boys as my own.
About two months ago, while on a webcam chat with my daughter, I ended up in an argument with my wife and my child heard it all. When one of the boys piped in on his mother's side, my daughter saw it and also joined in to defend her dad.
What was said is not really important, but it ended up with some name calling by my daughter which wasn't appropriate or nice at all, toward my wife.
I let her vent and corrected her the next day, telling her that this was wrong and that she needed to apologize to her step-mom, which she did.
My wife, however, refuses to let it go and is constantly saying how much she now hates my daughter, claiming that my attention to my little girl is putting her and her boys in second place.
My daughter came home 9 a 4,000 mile trip) for March break and spent 9 days here, during which time my wife was civil, but not much more toward her.
As can be imagined, there are emotional issues which my daughter has to work through, and she has a very rebellious streak. This is partly due to never having had a family to learn from and being bounced from home to home throughout her childhood. Still, I am trying to make things work and endeavouring to help her get through these issues.
My wife now says that because I spend so much time dealing with my daughter's issues and in conversations with her CAS worker, that I am obsessed and is making things as difficult as possible for me in regard to this.
She has made it quite clear that she absolutely hates my daughter and has stated unequivocally that "if she comes here I am moving out!"
I have told her that I should not be forced into a position where I have to choose between my daughter and my wife, and that if I was, then I would have to choose my daughter.
This started a whole new tirade, where now, every time I am busy ( work, etc.) and don't do what my wife wants immediately, she comes out with " I know, I'm not your daughter" in a very spiteful tone of voice.
I am at my wits end, as I hear this at least 5 times a day and I don't know what to do.
I know that my daughter needs me and I have an obligation to her, not to mention that I love her and would never turn her away, but I also don't want to lose my family over stupidity either.
I need advice desperately.
What do I do?