Marrying because of pregnancy?

Mrs.G · 04-06-2011, 07:12 PM

My best friend, who may as well be my sister is pregnant. The father is a ne'er do well who has a criminal record and cannot get a decent job because of it. He works part time and is collecting welfare. He also has another child that he does not look after because he can't afford to. He sponges off of my sister! Grrr! I no longer express concern and love for her poor choices. She choose these losers because she grew up in the ghetto. It's her life; I can only love her for who she is.
He's been talking about marriage since she has become pregnant. Which brings me to my question: Is it a good idea to get married because of pregnancy?
I think it's a horrible idea. Marriage should come from love and wanting to build a life together, not out of obligation and feeling trapped. I've seen many dutiful marriages fall apart, because the people didn't really want to be husband and wife.
Looking forward to reading the intelligent and thoughtful posts that brings me to this forum.
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TNgirl232 · 04-06-2011, 08:34 PM

Agree - horrible idea. Just as horrible as getting pregnant to 'save' a marriage. I got married for that reason....and divorced. Everyone I know that got married for that reason got divorced. Just because your sperm and egg were compatible to make a child does not make you compatible in the marriage department.

magnoliagal · 04-07-2011, 02:03 PM

Bad bad bad idea. Everyone I know that got married for that reason is either already divorced or in an unhappy marriage.

Runs like Dog · 04-07-2011, 02:05 PM

In the next few years, more than half of all children in the US will be born outside of traditional marriage. FYI. Today the number is in the mod 40's.

SimplyAmorous · 04-08-2011, 11:58 PM

If she wants to better herself, even despite this happening now (what is done is done), given HIS history, his sponging, what would married life be like for her & the child. How he interacts with his 1st child , who he was responsible for giving life but shows little interest if any -this speaks of his character.

I would never marry such a man and question myself even if I thought I loved him. She likely could provide as much as him if she stays single, given your description of him here.

A shame she fell under these circumstances, it only makes her life & the childs this much harder to bare. She will need her friends now more than ever.

marksaysay · 04-09-2011, 01:55 AM

Bad, bad, bad idea. A marriage like that screams of a divorce down the road. It won't be built on the right foundation.

Mrs.G · 04-11-2011, 07:38 AM

SimplyAmorous, you get a round of applause.
I have talked to my sister about her choices of men time and time again. She only likes thugs; drug dealers and lazy men who are no stranger to jail. When she meets a man with a good career and no children that he rarely sees, my sister dismisses them as boring.
I give up. If she wants to ruin her life, I can no longer worry about her.
The guy is currently serving a work release sentence, which means he is incarcerated from friday to monday morning. What if she goes into labor while this fool is locked up?
She's so desperate for a family, that she'll even have a child with someone who doesn't work. How can she enjoy carrying him financially? She does all the housework while he sleeps. Wait till that expensive, time consuming loud little thing arrives. She will need me more than ever.
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