04-25-2011, 02:25 PM
Join Date: Jul 2010
| | parenting ideas
Turnera and I had a lovely conversation about parenting and discipline philosophy. Love it. It made me think of something I was wondering about.
Where do you get your information and/or thoughts that guide your parenting decisions?
I get this sense, though I have never really asked any of my friends specifically, that many people feel that they should just know the best way. I remember telling my FIL that I was reading a book. He thought I was full of nonsense, got frustrated with me, and told me I ought to just act on instinct.
Seems to me that instinct it great (though obviously not foolproof) for wild animals to use to make sure they are breeding, not eating poisoned food, able to defend themselves according to their adaptations... But for a complicated journey through a complicated social system, seems to me more thought is needed.
I know many of us take from our own upbringing, making judgments about what we liked about our own and getting rid of what we disliked. I remember when my son was very small having my Mom tell me that toddler proofing the house was stupid. Just slap his hand really hard. It will scare him and hurt his feelings, so he won't mess with my stuff any more. I remember thinking THAT was why I never went to her for help with my teenage problems! I was terrified of her.
My Dad on the other hand was really good at engendering cooperation and setting limits in a positive way that did not damage self esteem and make you feel like a bad person so why bother anyway, which is what my Mom made all of us feel.
When my son was very small, I started reading some books. Some I thought were wrong. Some I thought were great. But I know lots of parents who would sooner die than "admit" that they "need" a book. I don't get it. What is wrong with evaluating someone else' thoughts?
So I ask you. How did you go about framing your approach to parenting? Do you consider yourself a good parent/disciplinarian? (For the record, I think most kids survive even ****ty discipline when their parents are mostly caring and loving. It may be a little harder on child and parent both but kids turn out ok in the end.) Are your kids well behaved, in general? Do you think reading books or going to workshops is something only for extremely bad parents with out of control kids?