The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
I have been with my wife for 8 years, been married for 5. Since shortly after we started dating, my wife kept saying that my family doesn't like her but I didn't believe her because I didn't want to see it. I finally started seeing what she was seeing and we tried many times to resolve it. We talked to my family, we tried very hard but they just don't want to accept and like her. My wife did absolutely nothing wrong, she has been nothing but nice to them and all she wanted was to be accepted.
Well, last year my niece, who I used to be close too, found out she was pregnant and they never told us about it. They even had a baby shower that my wife was not invited to. When she found out, she confronted them and asked why she was not included and was told right out that they don't like her so why would they invite her? I flipped a lid over this and have not spoken to my sister or her family since that happened. My parents where all a part of this but since they are my parents, I keep contact with them but I keep my wife away from it all.
For the holidays, I've been going over a day or two before the the holiday to visit my mom & dad so that I am not leaving my wife sit at home by herself on the day of the holiday. Well, today I called to see if they will be home on Friday so I can visit my mom for Mothers Day because I will not leave my wife sit home alone on Sunday because it is also her Mother's Day and my dad got on the phone and chewed me out for not coming over on Sunday. He tells me that I will only have one mother but I can have 10 wives and my mother should come first???? I just can't believe what I'm hearing! My wife is not supposed to count for anything, I should only focus on my mother who has been so disrespectful to my wife.
I will go over on Friday and stick to my guns on this. I just have to dig my heels in and not let them control me anymore.
You are doing the right thing. You should tell your dad that the point is that you want a long happy marriage to ONE wife. You love her and to you she is irreplaceable and the family you built with her is the most important to you.
Tell them you love them and want them in your life but will not put up with any one who would disrespect your wife.
We don't have any kids together. We have a 17 year old son from her first marriage that my parents said is not family and he's not their grandson. But then would give him cards signed grandma and grandpa?? This year, he didn't even get a card for his birthday.
Honestly, if I were your wife, I would not be pleased that you were still visiting with them. If it were me, as I said, married couples are a package deal. Want a visit from the son? You need to accept the son's WIFE.
I have a lot of respect for my wife because she has put up with a lot over the years. Yes, my ear has gotten a beating many times but she really has put up with a lot from me and them!
She is ok with me visiting on days that don't interfere with us so I think I will tell my parents that until they can accept and include her and show her respect, this is the way it will be. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly as my parents insist I put them first.
I have a lot of respect for my wife because she has put up with a lot over the years. Yes, my ear has gotten a beating many times but she really has put up with a lot from me and them!
She is ok with me visiting on days that don't interfere with us so I think I will tell my parents that until they can accept and include her and show her respect, this is the way it will be. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly as my parents insist I put them first.
You are a grown man. They cannot insist on anything.
They like to give guilt trips and I guess my biggest fear is being written out of their life because I've seen them do it before. But, then again, I already have been....
Thanks for the advice! I feel better knowing that I am doing the right thing by standing up for my wife and my marriage.
I guess it's just hard to walk away from your parents. Then when my dad tells me that my mom won't be around for much longer, it weighs on me.
Another small detail is that I didn't get married and move out until I was 32 years old so I guess my mother thought I belonged to her and only her... hence the reason she doesn't like my wife... she took me away from my mother!
Sorry to sound maybe mean, hunter. But you need to grow up. Not taking crap from your parents is part of growing up. What THEY think is not important to grown ups.
You are doing the right thing. You should tell your dad that the point is that you want a long happy marriage to ONE wife. You love her and to you she is irreplaceable and the family you built with her is the most important to you.
Tell them you love them and want them in your life but will not put up with any one who would disrespect your wife.
Your wife is number one, not your mother. We keep my family out of the loop because they make comments about my husband's race. It's unacceptable behaviour.
Tell them all at the same time, "My wife and immediate family is my number one priority. I will love and support my wife above all others. If any of you can't support me in this and accept my wife as part of OUR family, then this is goodbye.
I'm waiting for an answer..."
Do not give a chance to beg, reason with you, cajole. If anyone begins with , "But...", Stop them and tell them, "Yes or no. I need to hear it now."
Family don't like my wife 
Your wife is number one, not your mother. We keep my family out of the loop because they make comments about my husband's race. It's unacceptable behaviour.
