[Michellelynne]

Well i am new to this site but i need some advice. When my son was 4 years old i met my husband and we were married 2 years later. My husband loved my son and my son felt the same way until he became a teenager. At 14 my son moved to his fathers house to try it out, he was there for 1 year and my husband and i saw him every weekend. Throughout that time, my son was drinking, fighting, smoking pot, drunk at school, stealing and the end result was that my son broke his fathers nose in a fight that they had. My son then came to live with my husband and myself again. When my husband heard that he was coming back, he told me that he didn't think that he could stick around and watch my son hurt me the way that he does (not physical). I cryed for 1 month when my son moved in with his dad. Well the last 9 months have been great with my husband and my son, we put him in therapy, drug test him, have him on meds for his anger and he even got a job working right next door to out house. He was doing soooo well that both my husband and myself were very proud of him and told him so. Well my son got fired from his job because he decided he wanted to hang out with his friends instead of going to work, i yelled at him for not be responsible and he pack his bags and left. My husband said good, let him go. Well my son has been on the streets for 2 weeks now and he isn't eating much (i see him once in awhile). I know that he will come home soon but the problem is that if he comes back home, my husband with most likely move out. He says that he can keep going through the emotional roller coaster with me, that we picks me up just to let my son knock me back down. I love my husband dearly but if my sone were to come home, i am not comfortable to tell him he can't come back. My husband says don't chose between me or him, stick by his side, he is your son and then i will decide what i have to do. Any advice?????? My husband will not go to therapy.
Thanks for reading.

[Syrum]

Your husband should never put you in the position of choosing between him and your son.

Of course you cannot have your son living there and disrespecting you and that is why you make the rules clear, and he lives there as long as he follows them.

Your son obviously has a lot of issues and needs counseling, and family counseling is also a very good idea. Maybe some counseling before he comes back for you and your husband.

Children need parents to love them unconditionally. That does not mean allowing them to rule your life or walking all over you, but it does mean allways being there for them when they need you and not turning your back on them.

[Maradeth]

This is a difficult situation.

I reckon from your post that your son is about just 16 years old.

I think Syrum is right in that you need a counsellor or a social worker working to resolve these issues. I think you need to establish why your son went so far off the rails during the time spent with his father. Speak to the teachers at school too to find out exactly when his behaviour began to change too.

Your husband - step father - should also be present during some of these interviews as this will perhaps help both father and step-son's relationships.

Establish some ground-rules before any move -back or reconciliation. Try not to yell at him if and when he does something stupid such as getting fired for stupidity. Unstead - calmly tell him that these are the consequences for not behaving like an adult and then try to learn from the mistake and move on. You said that there are things which made you proud of him - so try to focus on those positives.