Re: I cut contact with my mother and have never been happier
Well, it's been awhile. Time for an update.
Almost exactly a year after my last post in this thread, my mother sent me a message via facebook, telling me that she had something very important to tell me, and that it needed to be done in person. I sat on it for a day, thought it over on my own and talked to my wife about it, and finally responded to my mother to arrange a time. It turns out that the news wasn't good: she has Stage 4 lung cancer, and there's nothing they can really do about it besides start her on chemotherapy when she starts becoming more ill.
I went home and thought a lot about the situation, and talked with my wife several times (and we continue to do so). She just wants to support any decision that I make. In the end, I decided that I would help her. For me. I went back to her place and offered to help by taking her to doctor's appointments. I wish to maintain the boundaries I've already established: I'm not having her over to the house, and won't allow her to control the family dialogue through her as in the past. I hoped (though didn't expect) that she might change. She hasn't; not at all in fact, but it doesn't matter, really. She's used this as an opportunity that try to pit my against my brother, to get me to slowly but surely do more than I said I will do, to have me step into a role of prime responsibility, etc, etc, etc. Not happening. The boundaries have been established and maintained, and I'll help her with what I said I would do, and no more or less. She seems to accept, and if she chooses not to, then she probably doesn't need my help so badly.
I'm sorry that she's sick; she's my mother and I love her, and I'll be sad when she's dead, and regretful of what might have been. I won't miss her antics, though. Not one little bit.