[guy1234]

First off, i'd like to give some background information. My wife and I have been married for 3 years and we have 2 kids, one 2 years old, and another 10 months old. Shes a stay at home mom, and i work full-time and attend school full-time. The problem i'm having is that it seems no matter how hard I try to be there for my wife she doesn't seem to want to even try to be there for me.

Lately, we've been having issues over household chores and how to manage them between the two of us, and also time spent with other people and how to address the other's feelings about doing that. While doing school and work, my normal chores before a couple months ago, was dishes, trash, and laundry. In the past few months however, I have had to do those three, plus cleaning (mopping, straightening, and watch the kids for 4 hours in the morning after i get home from work, i work overnights). But after i have taken on these extra responsibilities which has put a lot of stress on me, she now complains that i don't spend enough time with her, and gets upset when I don't go over to her friends house with her where she likes to smoke (pot) and drink. This leads to the second major issue. She has started smoking pot again. A lot. about 5-6 times a day, and I think that is part of the reason she has trouble getting stuff done during the day. She also has friends that she likes to hang out with 2-3 times a week, but its always at night, sometimes until 5-6 in the morning, on my nights off. I've asked her MANY times to please spend time with me and that it bothers me when she smokes and drinks with friends that late at night. We just had an argument a couple nights ago where I had spent the entire day cleaning and helping her with the kids, then when it hit 11:00 at night i was so tired i had to go to sleep. When i woke up at 3:30 in the morning she still wasn't home, so i went to her friends house and she was upset that I was trying to ask her to come home and either sleep or spend some time with me. Then she said that she can't believe that even after she asked me to hang out with her friends that I went to sleep.

On top of all this she is constantly degrading me and telling me how i'm a horrible person and that everyone hates me and thats why I don't have many friends. I feel like i'm in another world sometimes because I know i try my hardest for her and the kids but I can never seem to do enough.

I do get frustatred sometimes, and I ask her to please help me wi the chores during the day, because its a lot of works, but she just goes off on me saying that a stay at home mom job is a lot harder than what I do. I tried to explain to her that I understand its very hard and thats why I help her, but I'm not sure if thats enough for her. I love her very much and I really am trying to work things out.

Has anybody ever gone through something similiar to this? Am i the one not doing enough for the relationship? I know my parents never went out that late at night, but for parents our age 24-25, is it normal for parents to stay out until as late as she does?

Thanks for any help.

[Syrum]

She sounds awful.

Have a look at the 180 threads around here.

I also believe it is harmful to your children for her to be stoned around them. how can she possibly responsible for 2 small children?

I just wouldn't put up with that nonsense. Your children deserve better.

[guy1234]

Thing is she hasn't always been like this. It more or less started when she started smoking pot heavily (Shes always smoked but not as much as she does now). Shes always helped me a lot in just the 5 years we've been together (married for 3). I used to be a drug addict about 5 years ago, and we actually met in rehab ( I know its a strange place to meet). We worked together on turning our lives around. Before we got married, i did a complete 360 in my life, i finished high school, started going to college, started working full-time , i was just a bum before and had nothing going in my life. She also was the same way, she was working part-time jobs and going to college, and she never wanted to hang out with other people, in fact she always said that she only needed to be with me for the rest of her life. More imporantly i think it was after we had our second child (which was collic) that things really went down hill. I think it really pushed her to the edge and started the downfall to the point we are at now. Like i said before it really has only gotten this bad though in the past 3-4 months when she picked up smoking weed a lot. This is why i feel that i need to hang on and try to work things out.

[SadieBrown]

She smokes pot 5 or 6 times a day? Well that is the problem right there. Who watches the kids while she is stoned?

I'm glad you understand that being a stay at home mom is not an easy job, so many men seem to think it is not work at all. But in this case your wife seems to be shunning her responsibilities.

I haven't been a 20 something with small children for a long time, but I certainly don't remember it being normal for us to stay out until 5 or 6 in the morning drinking and smoking pot. My daughter and son in law are in their mid twenties and they don't do that. They go out with friends about once a month and arrange ahead of time for their child to spend the night with me or the other grandmother. It is certainly not a every day or even every week thing. The other weekends are spent with their child and her play dates, and maybe inviting friends over to watch movies or play pool. Their friends seem to follow the same pattern. I think this is more of what is normal for young marrieds with kids. Your wife's actions are excessive. Really, unless she gets off the pot I don't think you are going to be able to work things out, she is not thinking straight right now.