The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
Ah. I thought he was younger. Well, you may be in trouble then, because a judge WILL listen to him if he says he wants to be with his mom. If I were you, I'd try to talk to him as much as possible before the hearing, and ask him exactly why he feels that way; listen to him; let him know you care about how he feels and you want to understand what's important to him. If he says he wants this or that, talk about how he can HAVE this or that, still living where you are. Kids don't always have the ability to see things abstractly, and need your help to envision possibilities. Help him see things that you two could be doing together, like rebuilding a car or learning to hunt or whatever.
Of course the judge will consider what son says. What I am saying is that mom has been trying to alienate him from me. She WANTS to leave state so she has had to convince him of how much fun it will be. He'll have more of her side of the family there. He'll get to go to the beach every day after school. She will not go to the other state without son so that is why she and her family have convinced him of how great it will be.
It should never have been brought up before things between wife and I are final, if even then. He does not benefit by being taken away from dad.
She should not be telling him details of divorce and getting him stressed out because dad might not agree to it.
When I get him he is always upset about it. After I talk him down, we are fine. I know I may lose him but I am not going to just give up because she wants me to and is playing dirty.
Had son tonight. He starts talking about mom wanting to do things but running out of money. He then said "It would be nice if you gave us child support money". Then goes on to tell me that such and such amount won't cut it.
Why in the hell is she telling him the details of everything? Aren't kids supposed to be left of this stuff? And then I feel like I have to defend myself.
Prepare a stock answer. Tell him "Son, you are the most important thing in my life. If it were up to me, you'd be living with me and I'd be making sure you have an amazing life. You're welcome to come live here with me. You are BOTH welcome to come back home. But if you're going to choose to live with your mother, without me, there's only so much I can do to make your life better. I didn't want you to leave.'
I am so sorry, Mizz. I am right there with you. My stbx is pulling the same stuff, has been for a long time. It's sickening.
Tunera is right, as usual. My counselor keeps reminding me that I can only do what I can do, and if I'm going to let my son or former h guilt and manipulate me, when this situation wasn't my choice or doing to start with, I am just going to continue to be miserable. I do the best I can with what I have (which is a lot less than what he has, and I pay him the child support,) but I am a good mom and that's the best I can do. I can't do Disney. But I have been camping with them 30 times for scouts, and taught them to fish, and made them clean the toothpaste off the mirror. I make pancakes, not Poptarts. Everyone tells me one day they will look back and see/know that I loved them. I can only hope they are right. Dad sure does his best to thwart it.
I'm sending one up for both of us tonight. Hang in. And good for you for keeping the high road, even though you can't control her.
Yes, your son will know the truth of it. Some day. Maybe not now. Maybe not for another 10 years, if she manipulates him enough.
But if you continue to take the high road and show your son what a real man acts like, attend to his needs, teach him right and wrong, expect a lot from him (kids need to have something to aspire to), and show him unconditional love...he'll figure it out.
Had him this weekend. Things went well. He wanted kung pow chicken, a dish that my wife makes. Well I bought stuff for it and he was so stressed and worried because I wasn't doing it just like mom does it. Stressful for both of us. Anyway, when the dust settled and he got to eat it, he LOVED it. Chalk one up for daddy!
Also took him fishing today and he caught some fish. Made my day.
Thank you. I did see a couple of text msgs to mom where he was complaining about how I was doing things. She accepts this like it's okay for him to complain aboout me. She doesn't tell him to stop.
I'm just glad it turned out okay. I'd hate to see what would be said if it was a disaster. But at least this shows him that it does not have to be exactly like mom does it for it to be good.
Anyway about a month or so ago wife or daughter told son they would take him to Six Flags for his birthday. Well now they can't go. Who's the bad guy? Dad because I am not paying ENOUGH child support. Even though I offered before and she said she would get back to me. She got back to me after a month after the last time I offered child support.
It's like they built up Six Flags to him just so they could blame me for not going.
All you can do is show him the truth. Offer to show him your bank account. Don't hide anything. And then ASK him to think about it. Son, do you really think I wouldn't give you anything I have if I had more money? Logic goes a long way.
This kid needs a guardian ad litem.
He also needs some counseling so he can learn when he can tell his mom that he is not interested in getting involved with her problems both relationship and financial. He is a kid and he should learn how to advocate to retain what is left of his childhood. His mom is yanking him around, this kid should not be worried about mom's feelings, he should be doing things like going to youth group and learning how to relate to his peers, with his parents' support. This is just all wrong. And yes, I see the mom to blame for her obvious conversations with a kid that cross so many boundaries that they make me want to vomit. She needs to grow up and balance her own books to support the choices that she is making as an adult. But since she is unlikely to I would insist that child gets counseling, even if she gets primary custody, he will need it from the sounds of it. Ugh. Mom is an emotional leech.
All you can do is show him the truth. Offer to show him your bank account. Don't hide anything. And then ASK him to think about it. Son, do you really think I wouldn't give you anything I have if I had more money? Logic goes a long way.
I see what you're saying but I think that is going too far. Then I would be involving him more than I should by showing him my bank account. I do try to get him to think about the stuff he is saying/hearing. I try not to do what she is doing but when it gets brought up I involve him to a degree because I feel the need to have to defend myself. I try to hold back as much as I can though.
Re: Losing my son 
