[turnera]

If he has the right to choose where he stays, you have to let him go. The best thing you can do at this point is show him UTTER honesty, respect, and clean living. BE his role model, whether he knows it or not. NEVER discuss his mother with him. NEVER criticize him. DO expect a lot from him - boys need their fathers to push them to achieve, to earn their fathers' respect and admiration. Keep fighting on the legal front, but show him that you will not stoop to her level. He'll figure it out eventually; maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year. But if you keep showing him the high road, sooner or later he'll join you on it.

[TheMizz...erable]

Had son overnight last night. Pretty rough to start. He got mad at me because I was in the kitchen with him. He thought I was just watching him. I told him I just wanted to be with him. He marched straight to his phone and I made him put it down and told him to stop tattling on me to his mom. He said "I'll just tell her later". He told me that the text msgs will help him go to the other state.

Asked him why he was so angry with me and he said it's because I am fighting to keep him from going to the other state. In a nutshell he s let me know that if he did go, he'd only come to see me because he was forced to. And he didn't seem to care if he ever saw me again.

This is the person I love most in this world telling me this.

After a while things were normal. I took him to the store to get him something to give to his mom on her upcoming birthday. At home, we watched a scary movie together and when commercials were on, we wrestled and tickled eachother.

I don't know what to do with him. He is really mixed up.

[turnera]

Personally, I would be fighting legally to make him HAVE to go to counseling.

[TheMizz...erable]

Just to update: In november I decided to let him go. I removed the excuse for him to be angry with me. Right or wrong. Just had him for a week and as time dwindled down, he asked me why couldn't I move to the other state too. And when we said our goodbyes he cried.

Big difference from two months ago. I am trying not to hate and despise my ex for this. She should not have even thought about taking him away. He will understand what has happened at some point. Whether it's 2,3 years or 20 years from now. He will understand. I hope it's sooner and I will be here when he wants to come back and his mom will eventually figure out she screwed up.

[turnera]

I'm sorry. It must be so hard. Please stay in touch with him through letters or emails. Someday it will mean a lot to him.

[Laurae1967]

Wow, that is unfortunate. Your son won't understand later, actually. She has and will continue to poison him against you and now you have no regular contact with him and what he will think is that you gave up on him. Since when is a 13 year old kid mature enough to make life-altering decisions like where to live and which parent to "give up"? They can't. What your son experienced was abuse at the hands of his mother and now he's with her full time. I'm not sure that was the best decision for his well-being. That is too bad.

[TheMizz...erable]

I didn't give up on my son.

[uhaul4mybaggage]

No, you didn't. I know how you feel. I'm in your boat. When they manipulate the info your kids hear, and can present one side of a situation when you're trying to "take the high road" by not bashing (or presenting your side, which most kids see as bashing,) you can't do much with that. My 14 yo told me tonight he won't be visiting me anymore. Threatens that all the time. I know it's a teenage breaking away thing. Still breaks my heart. Have to get us into counseling while I can.

You can write(text) to him. I would not send letters to the house that could be intercepted. Don't think they will reach him. Keep letting him know you love him and wish he was still with you. I wish you peace and strength; wish me the same, please.

[EleGirl]

Do you have dates when your son will be visiting you?

[TheMizz...erable]

Things aren't as bad now uhaul. He is not as resentful.

Ele, yes I do.