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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 05:17 AM
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Re: It's our fault

I wouldn't call it guilt-tripping.
I'd call it master manipulation.

Don't accept misplaced blame. Your primary concern is safety, and you acted upon it appropriately.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: It's our fault

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
I am not a parent but, if I were, my first question regarding a drug addicted child would be: Where did I (the parent) GO WRONG? I don't know where you went wrong but I sure know where our parents went wrong and helped my older brother land in prison for ARMED ROBBERY! What happened to him was my parent's FAULT but that's a very long story so I'll not bore anyone with it.
Only an HONEST parent can see how and why they programmed their kid(s) to do certain unsavory things in life but most parents live in deep denial and delusions about their "parenting" so, why bother?

This is Brandy, can't retrieve my name....
I can assure you we are not to blame for his issues. We have done the best we can with the cards we have been dealt. He is actually our nephew who we took in over 16 years ago at the age of 8. His mother got sick and passed away. His father then moved away. He was neglected abused and his father was a druggie. It took a couple years but we took him and raised him.

Regardless of this I don't think all parents are to blame for issues, some parents yes but far from all.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-21-2017, 04:04 AM
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Re: It's our fault

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Originally Posted by Penny905 View Post
This is Brandy, can't retrieve my name....
I can assure you we are not to blame for his issues. We have done the best we can with the cards we have been dealt. He is actually our nephew who we took in over 16 years ago at the age of 8. His mother got sick and passed away. His father then moved away. He was neglected abused and his father was a druggie. It took a couple years but we took him and raised him.

Regardless of this I don't think all parents are to blame for issues, some parents yes but far from all.
Sounds you have went above & beyond.. from your initial post.. what you asked of him was REASONABLE... there was no abuse in this at all...

There are children who were emotionally abused, they hate their homes, and still do not turn to drugs or commit crimes.... they may be hell bent on getting out of there & chasing after a better life ... and it sure helps to have some support somewhere during those years .... sounds to me your nephew HAD the support right there with YOU...with a few guidelines to follow....

Instead he is choosing to blame someone else for his messes... this makes parenting very difficult... He likely is very angry for the lot he has been given in life.. with the childhood abuse, his mother dying and knowing his father is a Drug addict.. sure doesn't do much for being an example... in cases like this.. it's all that more important that the children do not start down this path...

Where is he NOW, how has this turned out?
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 06:47 AM
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Re: It's our fault

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Last edited by Penny905; 01-24-2017 at 06:53 AM.
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 06:48 AM
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Re: It's our fault

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post

Where is he NOW, how has this turned out?
My mother-in-law (his mom's mom) just passed away after the New Year. He is taking it a bit rough. I wish he was doing better but I guess I can't complain. He has an apartment a clunker to drive and a full time job. He just told us this week he is getting laid off the end of March and his apartment lease is up then. He is giving up his apartment and he is going to travel around the US. Our youngest boy just got a newer vehicle so we are giving his old vehicle to him. I can't stop him from doing this but the opportunity to help make sure he is safe has occurred. It isn't costing us anything out of pocket but we are loosing out on the money selling it would bring in. Peace of mind and knowing we did what we could to ensure his safety is priceless.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: It's our fault

Traveling might do him some good, give him some perspective young adults rarely have.
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