Mother-In-Law Destroyed Me, As A mother, And My Children
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Old 09-17-2011, 02:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Mother-In-Law Destroyed Me, As A mother, And My Children

I have a mother-in-law from hell and don't know what to do. Cannot take much more and very afraid that I might lose it with her and do something to cause her at least some of the pain she's caused us.

She grossly interferes in all aspects of our lives. She's in every crack. Boundaries are non-existent. She sows seeds of destruction in my husband's mind and in my children's. It's heartbreaking to me because it has taken an emotional toll on all of us and a lot of damage that cannot be undone. And nobody understands! People think she's great because she charms everybody. And to me, she's the devil and would stop at nothing for attention. She's 70-years-old now and thinks she's 50. Was hoping she'd die when she got to that age and we'd all heal but afraid she may live to be 150 as she's fit as a fiddle.

The harm she's caused I cannot write as it is that bad and unthinkable and inhumane. I just don't know what to do.
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Old 09-17-2011, 07:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mother-In-Law Destroyed Me, As A mother, And My Children

Does your H always side with her? To your kids, is she the "fun" grandma who spoils them rotten and you're the "party pooper" who they think is no fun at all?

And, you don't have to answer this, but, by any chance, is this an Asian family?
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:11 AM   #3 (permalink)
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She grossly manipulated us when we were young and was exploiting our lives. We were too young to see what she was doing. She was building her identity through us but at our expense... dirtying our faces behind our backs and making herself look like a martyr. She used religion to do this. Apparently, the worse you make your non-practicing family members look, the more attention you get in church. My husband started a business in her back yard and it's been all games to keep us there and exploit us. We just didn't see what was happening until the tower fell. We are all struggling with identity issues, a lot of anger and confusion. She even had my kids calling her mom.. teaching them to see her as the mother and to disrespect both me and my husband as parents. I can go on and on. It's was and continues to be a nightmare. I am desperately trying to get my family away from her now but it's difficult to do as we are still running the business in the back yard of her home and it's a playing ground for her and all games. My husband and I almost divorced but we didn't go through with it. We did go through a separation and all that did was made things worse as she gained more control then and had more access to poisoning my children's minds. We are stuck there and struggling to get away. The separation put us back financially.. as you can imagine what went on over our assets. We all have been through hell because of this woman and I'm at my wit's end. We are white people with a nutcase for a mother in-law.
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mother-In-Law Destroyed Me, As A mother, And My Children

So why do you and your husband stand for this?

Remove yourself. Move. Banish her from your lives.
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Old 09-17-2011, 01:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yes, that is the only answer for sure! Working on it but taking time as so many barriers have been built now. And dealing with them one at a time until we can get out of there unharmed. She's doing all she can to keep us there as we pay for everything and of course, that's hushed up and a twist put on reality. Twisted life!
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Old 09-17-2011, 07:17 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You know what's the most heartbreaking with all this? It's acceptable behavior by society. It's abuse in all its forms, and they get away with it... no consequences to them!

Sickening!
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Old 09-17-2011, 10:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mother-In-Law Destroyed Me, As A mother, And My Children

Stay away from her.

We limit the time we spend with my mother, because she is manipulative and disrespectful.

Is there any other place you can run your business from?
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Old 09-18-2011, 12:08 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I try my best to stay away and avoid much contact.. but even that is twisted to her advantage and she spreads rumors to 'explain' my bahavior. It is a very toxic environment to say the least. I have partially moved my part of the operation out. I just do the day-to-day stuff in the office and then I'm gone. I have an office setup in a spare bedroom in my home where I handle all the deeper bus. related stuff. I do the accounting for the business as well so I have the upper hand and have everything now listed in my name and not my husbands as I realize that jealousy and greed are part of our situation... as heartbreaking and low as that is. Took me a while to realize that as I chose to see the good in all so a bit naive with that stuff. But eyes are open now and I don't like what I see and actually, wish I was still naive and not have to see the reality of my situation. I do have a plan in place to move the full business. We just purchased land and will start to build this spring. So things will escalate with all that. I think she's starting to realize that she will be banned from our lives once we are out of there. She knows I had my fill and I'm done! So the games are becoming more frequent now and I feel like a target. Not a good feeling.
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm glad that you are taking steps away from her.
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Old 09-19-2011, 12:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Me too! Thanks
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Old 09-19-2011, 04:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Is there a temporary place that you can run your business, while you are waiting for the space to be built?
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Old 09-20-2011, 09:16 AM   #12 (permalink)
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If it was me I'd just pack up and leave! You have nothing to lose and she has everything to lose hints why she's doing what she's done! Without her son she has nothing and her son wont be able to live without you and his kids so therefore she has to find ways to make you all stay! My H's father was that way and we lived with him for 5 months! We payed all bills and took care of him and he treated us INHUMANLY! So I understand! You HAVE to leave and just walk away! It will only get worse! Get you and your kids out! If your H wont leave, well them, BYE! Stay with family/friends but this isn't NOT healthy for your kids! I finally had to tell my husband is NOT my responsibility to take care of your Dad! I'm leaving! And I left! He finally woke up and saw what was happening and left with me!
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Old 09-21-2011, 03:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I agree, have to get out of there. But where we have a business, we can't just pack up in a weekend and move. It's an industrial-type business with a lot of machinery and heavy lathes which are all setup (as in special wiring) and to move will take a lot of planning and money to do it properly. This is one of the reasons why we've stayed in the first place... very difficult to move once setup. We were very naive at the beginning and didn't realize we were seen as a meal ticket. We trusted and didn't realize the costs to our lives.

Hindsight is 20/20... we were stupid.

Planning the move now. Even though I feel it's too late.. damage is done.

We were always taught to respect our parents and trust without question as they had our best intentions at heart. It really shakes your soul when you realize that isn't true. You are actually a means to an end and property to be exploited with consequences to you... not them. And to top all that off, you can't blame them... it's a sin to blame your parents for anything. Right? Twisted world!
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Old 09-21-2011, 04:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sm1965 View Post
I agree, have to get out of there. But where we have a business, we can't just pack up in a weekend and move. It's an industrial-type business with a lot of machinery and heavy lathes which are all setup (as in special wiring) and to move will take a lot of planning and money to do it properly. This is one of the reasons why we've stayed in the first place... very difficult to move once setup. We were very naive at the beginning and didn't realize we were seen as a meal ticket. We trusted and didn't realize the costs to our lives.

Hindsight is 20/20... we were stupid.

Planning the move now. Even though I feel it's too late.. damage is done.

We were always taught to respect our parents and trust without question as they had our best intentions at heart. It really shakes your soul when you realize that isn't true. You are actually a means to an end and property to be exploited with consequences to you... not them. And to top all that off, you can't blame them... it's a sin to blame your parents for anything. Right? Twisted world!
I have a parent who seeks to destroy me any way she can. She is jealous of me and very vicious, as well as controlling. We are civil for the sake of my father, but we will never be close like she wants.
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Old 09-21-2011, 11:23 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have a mother-in-law from hell and don't know what to do. Cannot take much more and very afraid that I might lose it with her and do something to cause her at least some of the pain she's caused us.

She grossly interferes in all aspects of our lives. She's in every crack. Boundaries are non-existent. She sows seeds of destruction in my husband's mind and in my children's. It's heartbreaking to me because it has taken an emotional toll on all of us and a lot of damage that cannot be undone. And nobody understands! People think she's great because she charms everybody. And to me, she's the devil and would stop at nothing for attention. She's 70-years-old now and thinks she's 50. Was hoping she'd die when she got to that age and we'd all heal but afraid she may live to be 150 as she's fit as a fiddle.

The harm she's caused I cannot write as it is that bad and unthinkable and inhumane. I just don't know what to do.
OMG you must have the same mother in law as me. I have never disliked someone in my entire life as much as I despise that old bag. H and I have not spoken to her for 9 years and she as not seen our child since 3 mths old. Her loss. Same behaviour to the letter.

But everyone thinks she's wonderful and she likes to tell everyone she is a "victim" and a "good christian woman". Makes me want to puke.

Do what we did and get your spouse to agree to cut that poisionous old hag out of your life. Set FIRM boundaries with her, let her know the extreme consequences she will suffer if she even comes close to crossing them. IF she does tell her you all never want to see her again.

Your marriage, kids and sanity depend on it.

Last edited by brokenbythis; 09-21-2011 at 11:44 PM.
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