I am not a parent but I was an abused child. Spanking, hitting, yelling and other forms of angry, hostile and humiliating, fear based "discpline" caused serious problems for me which is why I finally entered therapy at 48.
Most of the time they get along well and my son loves to be around him.
I loved my parents a lot but at about age 5, dad suddenly became a very mean and scary guy while mom was a cringing coward so whatever love I ever had for them was soon KILLED by them - not me!
Often times, I feel my husband can be too rough with him when it comes to discipline. Physically rough, like grabbing him, pushing him, and spanking him.
Our dad was a rough and tough guy and now I realize that he was somewhat SADISTIC so he beat, spanked and hit my older brother and me A LOT while mom watched in utter indifference! I love that you have at least tried to protect your defenseless kid from your husbands angry violence - our gutless mom NEVER DID.
To be honest, he's made a lot of improvements. He's backed off tremendously with the spanking and smacking. When I talk to him about my concerns, he listens and makes improvements.
He needs to do way more than just "back off"! Instilling fear and then later HATRED in one's child is about as ugly as it gets and can come back to bite the foolish parents in later years as it definitely did in our sick family!
I lost my temper with him earlier today. I put our son down for his nap. I turned on the baby monitor and noticed our son was actually climbing out of the crib with his legs slung over the top. Being almost 9 months pregnant and currently occupied, I asked my husband if he could go in there and take care of it. My husband barged into the room and firmly yelled at him to get back down. This startled our son who naturally broke out crying. From there (I could see this all on the monitor), my husband spanked him on the bottom and shoved him from behind to "force" him to lay down. However, the shove led our son to trip over his blanket and face-slam into the side of the crib and part of his attachable mobile- leaving a mark. I lost it. I ran in there, snatched him away and chewed out my husband. He stuttered it was an accident and he didn't think he would trip and hit his face. I told him I didn't care, he had no need to shove him or spank him. Startling him to get back into his crib should have been enough.
What your husband did was all about REVENGE and not about "discipline" or any intenton to HELP his son!
My husband stormed out of the home and left, stating how it was unfair of me to intervene as it made him look like a monster.
Well he was a MONSTER
in that instance and the son will have lasting trauma from it!
Look, I've lost my temper with our son too. He can be a frustrating two year old. I know my husband felt guilty for his reaction, as I saw the look on his face. I know he has really been trying lately to back off on being so harsh, as he's made major improvements. However, I couldn't stop myself from barging in there and taking over. I'm still really upset about how things played out. Regardless of how frustrating normal toddler behavior can be, I've never taken it as far as he does. In my mind, there's simply no excuse.
There is no excuse to mistreat a defenseless child that way and then pretend that it couldn't be helped! I am very proud of you for standing up for your own child. Our mom never would have stood up to her sadistic husband!
There's a huge debate inside of me. Part of me wants to leave him, and I've even thought out plans on how to do this.
Our mom had an opportunity to leave her violent husband but she just didn't have the guts to do what she should have done when she had the chance. What a COWARD!!!
He spanks and smacks him less
He shouldn't be hitting him at all! Especially not in frustration or ANGER!!
Again, there's the part of me that wonders if I'm wasting my time thinking the improvements are temporary or if today was just a slip-up.
He is going to mentally damage your son UNLESS he gets some kind of emotional HELP or therapy!
I'm thinking about parenting classes, but not sure where to start. I think this can help us both.
This would be good for BOTH of you and I'd start wherever or however you can - ASAP!
I feel this is challenging for him and even makes him feel like he's lost his manhood.
And that kind of false pride can be extremely damaging to a child.
Protect and defend your own kids from Abusers - even if it's the other parent!