10-11-2011, 04:33 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
| | Re: In Denial
Hi Specwar, Thanks for your reply to my message. Yes I agree. The respectful thing to do is to see Grandma off when she leaves. My daughter actually didnt come down stairs that time because she had headphones on and didnt hear her dad calling her downstairs! The he called her an ungrateful ***** and thats when I was annoyed because nanny has no interest in her or her brother anyway. And hubby cant see it.
Yes I am right I know, in that respect anyway. If people dont show interest in the kids, well then the kids wont show interest in them either. Thing is, I cannot force nanny (Grandma) or dad to be interested in the kids, no matter what I do and indeed hubby as admitted that he wont ever change re the kids and has admitted he is not interested in me, in any deep fashion anyway!!
Regardless of Grandma not being interested in the kids and only seeing them for 2 minutes when she first arrives at our house, and 2 minutes when she leaves, I am always respectful towards her and hubby. Its not in me to be any other way. I have tried and tried to get hubby to see where his short comings are but he wont have it. I try not to be confrontational or say I told you so. But he is blind to the whole idea of being a dad and what it entails. He has let me down, and the kids, in spectacular fashion.
Yes I am only too aware that communication is of major importance in a marriage. It is also the most difficult thing. I have been married for nearly 20 years now and I cannot get anywhere with my husband when it comes to communication. This particular problem was brought to light years ago but its useless, absolutely useless. Part of the problem is for me, that whilst Grandma isnt interested in the kids, she will be OTT interested if they are ill or have to go into hospital! And this really gets me down. I want to scream "Why cant you be like this (Not to the point of OTT though) interested all the time? I think the answer is that she is probably more interested in the actual illness than the kids. She is a person who talks a lot about illness and so and so has had a fall or a heart attack etc. Its her pet subject!! But Im afraid the resentment has already built up so perhaps its too late.
Re anger being directed at me, not in a million years from hubby. He is scared of his own anger I think and will do anything to avoid it. I think I could describe him as a passive aggressive.
My dad was angry at me at every possible moment. I would describe him as emotionally abusive.He would reject me often and call me names, turn his back on me in a rage when I needed him most. He was intimidating, critical and explosive, no respect, nothing. I wonder if all his anger and abuse was actually because he was angry at himself? He died last year on Fathers Day. Dads behavior has caused problems for me in my marriage too.
Last edited by B1a2s3i4l5; 10-11-2011 at 04:37 AM.
Reason: missed words