Hi there, I will try and make this as quick as possible. I have got 17 year old twins, a girl and a boy. Ever since they were toddlers, hubby has been emotionally absent. He has never given the kids his time, avoids them as much as he reasonably can and has never had a long and indepth conversation with them - ever. In short he has behaved like a very reluctant step dad. He simply cannot tolerate the idea of any involvement with them.
His mum is the same. So has he been following her example all these years? I have told him he is doing just the same as his mum but he wont have it. Possibly because she did the same to him too and he doesnt want to face up to it, or, if he is carrying on the same way as his mum, he wont see it anyway.That is a very shortened version of things.
Then, hubbys mum, Nanny, came back from 2 weeks holiday at the weekend so me, hubby and son all went to see her. Daughter wouldnt go. Hubby was mad. I said that he couldnt expect our girl to be eager to go to Nannys when she never has anything to say to them and never gives them her time. Hubby then said that the kids are always on their computers anyway when Nanny comes to the house - once a week for 3/4hr on a Friday night usually. He was trying to make out that it was the kids fault that Nanny never bothers with them!! I was furious because not only is that entirley ridiculous but its like he was sticking up for his mum when she is the one in the wrong! And he is too come to that.
Now it is 100% crystal clear that neither my husband or his mum have any concrete interest in the kids. Then he twists the facts round about the kids being on their computers etc. Fact is Nanny and hubby could both tell the kids to leave their computers alone and come and have a chat and a laugh but they never have done. Hubby has even insulted our daughter when she wouldnt hurry up and come down stairs to see Nanny leave one Friday night. He called her an ungrateful *****! Daughter had done nothing wrong!
I want hubbys support and to know he is backing me up where this is concerned. So how do I get him out of denial and into reality and how do I get him to acknowledge and admit that he is in the wrong and his mum is too.
Having said all of this, I hold my hand up and admit that I am not the perfect mum, not by a long chalk. But at least I have seen the error of my ways and fixed myself to benefit the whole family. Hubby didnt back me up with that either.
Please help.
BC
His mum is the same. So has he been following her example all these years? I have told him he is doing just the same as his mum but he wont have it. Possibly because she did the same to him too and he doesnt want to face up to it, or, if he is carrying on the same way as his mum, he wont see it anyway.That is a very shortened version of things.
Then, hubbys mum, Nanny, came back from 2 weeks holiday at the weekend so me, hubby and son all went to see her. Daughter wouldnt go. Hubby was mad. I said that he couldnt expect our girl to be eager to go to Nannys when she never has anything to say to them and never gives them her time. Hubby then said that the kids are always on their computers anyway when Nanny comes to the house - once a week for 3/4hr on a Friday night usually. He was trying to make out that it was the kids fault that Nanny never bothers with them!! I was furious because not only is that entirley ridiculous but its like he was sticking up for his mum when she is the one in the wrong! And he is too come to that.
Now it is 100% crystal clear that neither my husband or his mum have any concrete interest in the kids. Then he twists the facts round about the kids being on their computers etc. Fact is Nanny and hubby could both tell the kids to leave their computers alone and come and have a chat and a laugh but they never have done. Hubby has even insulted our daughter when she wouldnt hurry up and come down stairs to see Nanny leave one Friday night. He called her an ungrateful *****! Daughter had done nothing wrong!
I want hubbys support and to know he is backing me up where this is concerned. So how do I get him out of denial and into reality and how do I get him to acknowledge and admit that he is in the wrong and his mum is too.
Having said all of this, I hold my hand up and admit that I am not the perfect mum, not by a long chalk. But at least I have seen the error of my ways and fixed myself to benefit the whole family. Hubby didnt back me up with that either.
Please help.
BC