Re: Another week of battles with nearly 18 yr old daughter
I would have two conversations with her. The first one would be a very clear explanation of the legal rights and responsibilities of reaching the age of majority--18. You are no longer obligated to provide for her in any way, including giving her shelter. You are obligated to protect her minor sister, however. Any violent actions she may take at that age, towards you, her sister, or any other person or animal will likely be met with fines/jail time should they be reported to the police. She needs to know the facts upfront.
The second conversation would be started by saying how sad I feel even having to have the first conversation. I would explain how disappointed I am that things are in such a sad state, and ask her how she thinks it has arrived there. I would listen to what she says, and probe any parts that could lead to revealing underlying feelings of hurt or insecurity. She may be taking out her frustration at some outside element on people she thinks can take it, her safe people, her family. Important to identify that and show her a healthier way to deal with her frustrations.
Also, be open to hearing her frustrations with you. Listen. Do not get defensive. Kids often do not see the reasons for things their parents have done that may have hurt them. When they understand why a decision was made, their emotions about it often calm down.
One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man