Originally Posted by getting it wrong View Post
I suggested counselling to her. She refused saying this is who she is and can't change. When I said it's not changing who you are, it's learning how to deal with who you are. Well....that turned nasty!!!
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What's missing are boundaries and consequences. What's NOT missing - and should be - is emotions.
Look up Authoritative Parenting. Read every single article you can find on it, become an expert.
It's the preferred method for raising kids, especially teenagers. You set rules, you set consequences, you ENFORCE the consequences, and you keep emotion out of it. You explain the rules ahead of time - for both girls - and you explain to them what the consequences will be for this or that bad behavior. As a unit, you and your husband.
And then, the next time one of the rules is broken, you enact the consequence.
Now, with kids, consequences are a little different than with spouses. With a spouse, you enact the consequence for yourself, because you can't control your spouse. But with kids, the consequences have to be something you do regarding THEM. Something that matters to them. Like if you get physical with your sister, you will lose your electronics for a week. And then you TAKE the electronics away for the week. They HAVE to see you are serious, that the rules are for everyone, that you can't be talked out of enacting the consequences.
That way, she is still free to do whatever she wants. She will just have to suffer the consequences if it's against the rules. And, if she then breaks a rule, it's on HER, not you.