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I'm a divorced father who has custody of both the kids, my daughter has spread her wings and is a college kid and my son is a senior in high school. My son was 15 when my ex and I divorced and he changed a lot, we did family counseling (him and I), individual counseling for him and I also had him work with a life coach for almost two years. I caught him drinking and smoking pot when he was 16 so I really tightened the reins on him, recently I caught him smoking cigarettes. He has worked at jobs I have found for him but presently doesn't work, he has always received good grades in school. We have a good relationship, never any screaming and yelling, and he is helpful around the house.
Here's the issue, because of my concern for him and because of some poor choices he has made his during the week curfew is 9:00, 12:00 on weekends. He recently turned 18 and now thinks he can make his own decisions and has been arguing constantly about his curfew. I should note he has never been late.
Is a 9:00 curfew out of line for a high school 18 year old senior?
Since your saying you and him have a good relationship..and he comes home on time, Id say you should base his curfew on what hes doing.
But..I would def be a little strict during the week, especially since he's still in High school. I know when I was in HS, I barely paid attention in my first 2 classes when I stayed out late the night before. We had a 830 start.
I also was allowed to stay out until 1, sometimes 2 on the weekends...depending on what I was doing. I was in college at 18 though, late birthday.
Did he get extra brain cells for his birthday so that all of a sudden he makes better choices?
Personally, I think 9:00 is fine for just hanging out during the week. I'm sure with a valid reason, exceptions could be made, but what is there to do after 9 on a school night that he can't do before? Posted via Mobile Device
This is tough. He sounds like he wants to be independent. I know from experience that you have to let go a little and show your kids you trust them. They will make mistakes but that is part of growing up. Lots of kids smoke pot and try booze in high school. That does not in and of itself mean they are going to hell in a handbasket. If you are involved in his life and make sure you touch base with him every day in person (dinner time) the need for a curfew seems like it wouldn't be an issue. Why is he out of the house on a school night to begin with? Sports, a job or just hanging out? Shouldn't he be home doing homework? I would focus more on why he is not home.
If his mother is not in his life, that might be a painful area he is trying to deal with. Make sure he's dealing in a healthy way.
Where I live, you're an adult at 18 - can drink, buy your own smokes, can vote etc. I have three grown kids (2 boys 22 and 20, one girl almost 18) and by the time they were 18 (actually by the time they were 16) they no longer had a curfew at all, ever. They've all 3 experimented with smoking and drinking and drugs but I know they're good kids and they're all doing just fine. When they were younger I consequenced them for it but not once they were in high school.
Like others have said, the key is for you to be involved, let him know you love him, let him make mistakes, and let him know you are always there to talk to. Without judgment. You can let him know you disagree with his choices, but giving him such an early curfew is basically a punishment. It teaches him that you don't trust him and that if he wants to smoke or drink he has to do it in secret.
That sounds more than fair to me. My daughters are 17, and I have tighter curfews on them. They are expected to be home by 8 pm on week nights and 11 pm on weekends. We live 15 miles from town, so I really don't want them out driving so late. Also, they need time in the evenings to complete homework assignments. Luckily I'm not having to deal with the smoking, alcohol or drug issues though.
Did he get extra brain cells for his birthday so that all of a sudden he makes better choices?
Personally, I think 9:00 is fine for just hanging out during the week. I'm sure with a valid reason, exceptions could be made, but what is there to do after 9 on a school night that he can't do before? Posted via Mobile Device
TONS of stuff Late night movies. Late night talks with friends. Hanging out...lol.
My curfew on weeknights was 10. My mom was weird though...I couldn't come home at ALL before then and then go back out...no. If I came home at 8, then I was home for the night.
TONS of stuff Late night movies. Late night talks with friends. Hanging out...lol.
My curfew on weeknights was 10. My mom was weird though...I couldn't come home at ALL before then and then go back out...no. If I came home at 8, then I was home for the night.
God, I hated being home with her...
I honestly don't understand 17 year olds with strict curfews. My dad imposed strict curfew on my oldest sister. She was top of her class - award winning - straight A student. The second she went to university she partied her a$$ off and flunked out first year. She was so overwhelmed with freedom she blew it. My dad was tight with me but not as bad as with her. I went for sleep overs at friends houses who had later curfews.
I say school nights - in bed by 10:30. I adjust that on ability to get up on their own and bright eyed and bushy tailed in morning. Special cases for special activities.
Weekends - late enough for late movie and a snack after.
The don't magically turn 18 and learn good decisions. Let them make them while under your care. Posted via Mobile Device
1. Move out.
2. Pay decent rent (for what a room goes for in your area).
He's an adult now. Treat him like one.
I like this answer. I think that when they still live in your house, it's your rules, unless they pay rent. I can remember moving out of my dad's house when I turned 18 because I didn't like their rules... I came back fairly quickly because 1. I couldn't get up on time for work without someone waking me up and 2. I couldn't afford anything with everything else (rent, food, gas, etc.) I had to pay for now... No fun anymore! And when I asked to move back in, they wanted to charge me rent... I opted for college soon after...
He's eighteen, legally an adult. Depending on your relationship with him, I wonder if it would be beneficial to talk about what exactly you provide and what it would cost him on the open market to procure those same things? Actually, if you haven't done that, and he's about to strike out on his own for college/whatever, you probably should so reality doesn't surprise him too much.
Does he know why you want a nine pm curfew during the week? Do you know why he doesn't? Is it just an I don't want to be controlled thing, or is there something specific he wants to do that doesn't end until after nine? Could you be flexible on weekends--tell me when you'll be home and where you'll be, call if plans change--worked really well for my folks, and I had to find a pay phone back then if we weren't at someone's house--with cells it'd be easy. I didn't have my own car, so if I got permission to take one of theirs, they had all the say as to when I'd be home by, who could ride with me, etc. I wasn't a partier, though, so it wasn't a big deal to me to be out late most of the time.
But some rent should be paid. Nothing in life is free. If he wants to be treated like an adult, then treat him like an adult. Adults pay rent...well, responsible ones do anyway.
18, if he lives at your house, you have him tell you when he will be late.
You tell him you will not baby him and he will be responsible for any fall out in his life from his actions and you hope his actions are smart ones.
You also tell him to plan for a life of self sufficiency and to share it with you and to get on it!
Whose name is on the mailbox? If he was all that mature and wise, you'd be living in his house and eating his groceries. If he doesn't like your rules, he can buy or rent his own crib and be king of his own castle. I hear the Army recruiter is accepting applications. Of course, they have curfews and rules, too.
Wow, everyone sure has different parenting approaches!
He is 18 but still in high school so I will not ask for rent at this point.
As for trusting him to make the best decisions frankly I don't fully trust him, he is a highly intelligent kid but a bit on the reckless side. I do believe in letting kids make their own mistakes but when it comes to things like drugs and smoking I will do all that I can to stop that from happening.
The curfew thing is a control issue for him, he just doesn't like it. If he has something going on all he has to do is call and I let him stay out later, no big deal, I am always flexible The funny thing is he's not out running around all the time, he always comes right home from school (just to eat I think!!)sometimes stays here or sometimes takes off. Rarely does he ask to stay out later, he is usually home early, even on weekends.
I think for now I will just leave it as is, once he's out of high school I'll drop it.
Curfew, high school senior 
Late night movies. Late night talks with friends. Hanging out...lol.
