The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
Lately - when my 12 year old is told to go to her room - it is like pulling teeth. She continues to argue for far too long - the threats of how long she'll be grounded - or what from (TV, phone, going outside, etc.,) have to be elevated to get her attention before she'll finally go - stomping and yelling all the way.
How do you make a 12 year old child go to their room???
If the threat of being grounded from their TV resulted in yelling and stomping, I'd destroy their TV. I'd then move to the phone, the Xbox, etc. At some point before they only had only bare walls, they'd get the idea that I wouldn't be trifled with.
I know your pain. I don't yell anymore.....I won't argue with an 11 yr old. Now I just calmly say to her " Do what I say or the answer to everything in the future is no." Seems to work. I stick to it. She doesn't listen, then no privileges. Took a few times but she gets it now.
Part of the issue is that my wife and I have our "own" issues.
I will typically send my daughter to her room for 15 or 30 minutes - and keep "growing" this time as the "discussion" continues.
My wife goes straight for "go to your room for the rest of the night" and takes the TV remotes almost immediately.
Also - if my daughter makes some under the breath comment about me while on her way to her room - I just let it go. My wife chases after her and the "argument" continues to escalate.
Part of the issue is that my wife and I have our "own" issues.
I will typically send my daughter to her room for 15 or 30 minutes - and keep "growing" this time as the "discussion" continues.
My wife goes straight for "go to your room for the rest of the night" and takes the TV remotes almost immediately.
Also - if my daughter makes some under the breath comment about me while on her way to her room - I just let it go. My wife chases after her and the "argument" continues to escalate.
Yeah you have to let the little things go. During this past yr there was alot of "go to your room". We got so caught up with our own problems ( she had an A, I decided she wasn't remorseful enough so I started seeing someone else). I saw my daughter's tantrums as any attention is good attention.
If disrespect is against the rules it must be punished immediately, each and every time it's displayed. Eye-rolling, mumbling, talking back all come from the same place that foot stomping and yelling do. Correct the easy, minor stuff and you can avoid most of the big stuff. If you tolerate some disrespect, the kid believes that disrespect is ok and they aren't being punished because they decided to break a house rule but because you got mad.
The mannner of punishment isn't as imporant as the certainty and consistency of it.
1.Start anew with your children by having a discussion about what is and isn't allowed and what the consequences of inappropriate behavior is.
Discussion should be supported but the final decision is always yours but whenever possible give the child the opportunity to choose. Example: You are grounded for bad behavior until you read this book. They can take a day or a month to read this book. I usually make it a leadership book. When they are done we discuss what they learned in the book. How what they learned could be applied to their decisions that caused them to get grounded in the first place.
I never use the go to your room technique. I take away whatever is the most dear to them for a period of time. I give a warning and then on the next offense follow through. They will always hit just above or below the bar so set the bar high but always prompt for discussion one they are old enough.
Lately - when my 12 year old is told to go to her room - it is like pulling teeth. She continues to argue for far too long - the threats of how long she'll be grounded - or what from (TV, phone, going outside, etc.,) have to be elevated to get her attention before she'll finally go - stomping and yelling all the way.
How do you make a 12 year old child go to their room???
When my 12 year old argues, I just go into her room and start taking things away.
She learned verrrry quickly to go to her room when I say so and NOT try to get the last word.
Grap them by the head and with the other hand grap ther right arm and once you get them in the box, lock it and just in case they get out, lock the crawlspace door, and for double measure lock the basement door.
Seriously, the best way is positive reinforcment......" if you go to bed I won't grap your head and your arm and put you in the box blah, blah, blah, lock the basement door.
Just like any negotation they want something and you want something. Once you find out what they want more then *not going to bed* then work with that.
Letting them know you will let them breath tomorrow then there is that insentive.
Bribes sucks so don't go there, that just leads to entitlement.
If they don't want to go to there room take it away. Turn it into a game room for your self or a hobby room.
Remember for every action there is a reaction and with that there are consequences. No matter what you do as long as there is a consequence to pay the likely hood of it repeating is nill.
So find the best consequence that will effect your evil seed (LOL) and impliment it.
Grap them by the head and with the other hand grap ther right arm and once you get them in the box, lock it and just in case they get out, lock the crawlspace door, and for double measure lock the basement door.
Seriously, the best way is positive reinforcment......" if you go to bed I won't grap your head and your arm and put you in the box blah, blah, blah, lock the basement door.
Just like any negotation they want something and you want something. Once you find out what they want more then *not going to bed* then work with that.
Letting them know you will let them breath tomorrow then there is that insentive.
Bribes sucks so don't go there, that just leads to entitlement.
If they don't want to go to there room take it away. Turn it into a game room for your self or a hobby room.
Remember for every action there is a reaction and with that there are consequences. No matter what you do as long as there is a consequence to pay the likely hood of it repeating is nill.
So find the best consequence that will effect your evil seed (LOL) and impliment it.
Gotcha! Tomorrow AM - hardware store - wood, locks, barb wire!
I agree with consequences, but...the one thing you are missing is respect. And that comes from 100% TOTAL acknowledgment that you are the parent and they are the child.
NEVER NEGOTIATE with a child.
Explain rules. Explain consequences. If they don't want the consequences, they will learn not to break the rules. Period.
Really? You don't want to go to bed at 9? Then I guess you don't want your cell phone this week. Too bad.
How do you Make a kid go to their room? 
