Fellow parents of older teens, what are your thoughts?
I'm wanting to know the thoughts/opinions of other parents of older teens if it was you in this situation.
I will admit straight up, I have enough rot going on my life right now that I wish I could ignore this issue with my daughter but I can't ignore it.
I have to give some background because I think it helps in understanding why she is making the choices she is making at present.
My daughter is 19 but biologically she is actually my niece. I was given full custody of her when she was 10, I also cared for her for 6 months when she was 3. Her father is my brother, the bio mother left her life when she was 6 months old. Her father neglected her severely and child services stood in and after a long court battle, she was made legally mine and her bio parents lost all rights.
So she came to me a damaged child, we worked hard to correct her bad behavior, her bad thoughts, bad schooling etc with top notch therapy and she did improve.
Over the years of therapy, there were many predictions made for her if she continued to behave certain ways and think certain ways, she was given all the signs to watch out for etc and given advice on how not to go down the wrong path and she hasn't done too bad with all things considered.
She made the choice to live like a hermit, she refused to socialize, refused to do normal things that teens do, so when she decided to move out late last year she was very naive, immature and not street wise at all.
Fast forward to 2 months ago and she announces she has her first ever boyfriend, we were happy for her.
We had a long chat about relationships and I gently reminded her of her risk factors etc and just advised her to be careful and to not fall for the signs that she has been told are signs of danger with a man.
These risk factors come from what the professionals have told me/us over the years, they are mainly based around men in her life because she is the type that craves male attention, is always seeking male attention etc and they say it's because she did not get it when she was little.
After that long chat on the phone to her, I said to my husband/her father that because of things she had just said, I predict she is going to ignore the years of advice and she will be having sex straight away, moving in with him asap and putting aside all her dreams/work/effort to join the army etc because she claimed that she loved him on the first date.
On the next call to her she finally told me that this guy is 34 years old.....ummmm she is only just 19 and this does not sit right with us at all, on any level and she admitted that they had sex on the first date and he took her virginity.
Then I got a text last night telling me that she has moved in with him because they love each other so much and that she has decided to not go ahead with her army application (she had worked hard for nearly 1 year to get into the army).
So she is doing everything predicted the only thing left is a baby on the way.
She's asking us to meet him and we have no interest in meeting him. We did a bit of background and we know he targets young girls, we know she met him online and things just don't add up to being good, they add up to a much older guy having an interest in much younger virgin girls who he seduces, takes their cherry then is gone with in a short period of time, we found he has had 5 previous girls where this same path was taken and all these previous girls where either 18 or 19 but one was only 17 and this was his 2nd last girlfriend in early 2015 so that made him 33, not one of these girls was over 19. Yes the legal age is 16 but where are the morals!?!
What on earth would they have in common, especially with my daughter because she is so young in her mind, fresh out of home with no life experience, no previous boyfriend experience etc, it just doesn't add up to us and this is why it seems like he could be one of these guys who is a sicko and targets young girls but he ensure they are just old enough that he won't get into legal trouble.
So what, if anything, would you do and what would you say to your daughter if this was yours.
I have not answered her text where she tells us she has moved in etc because I just don't know what to say, I know what I want to say and it's not nice but it's her life and she has to live it and she has to be the one to get burned by this guy etc but at the same time, we are the ones who will have to deal with the negative consequences of this situation, especially if a baby comes along.
By the way, they have only been dating for just on 2 months.
Last edited by Beautiful-day-I-hope; 04-14-2016 at 01:17 AM.