Re: Parental Alienation
This is undoubtedly a very complicated situation that has gone on a long time and is chronic. No easy solutions. The good news..if you can call it that..is that it is so bad that your son has to realize this.
I'd do two things. The first, is separate the nonsense btwn you and your ex and the ensuing difficulties, from the real issues btwn you and your son. They're related, but frankly it doesn't sound like you can fix both. Maybe by separating them you can focus on the important one..your son. This isn't ideal but b/c he's older, even though it's obviously preferable to co parent him, he's at an age where you can parent him independently.
Then I'd sit down with him and ask him what's been bothering him..in general and specifically with you. Chances are he won't be prepared for that, so I'd let him think it over for a few days and revisit it. Be prepared to listen and not defend yourself, either.
You can repair a deteriorated relationship, but its easier when you start with the basics, even if they go back a long ways. It doesn't sound as if you've had the luxury to do that, you're in crisis mode, but consider taking the "Hey, let's talk" tack and see where that goes.
Professional therapy also a really good idea.