dating a seperated man who still lives at home (as roomates)?
First of all, thank you for any advice you can offer me here.
I know this seems like a no-brainer right off the bat, duh!
I've been dating a very sweet guy almost eight months now who (here's the whopper) still shares a home with the ex (as roommates) and their two children. I was aware of the situation from the very beginning and have NEVER dated a married man previous, and having finished a devastating relationship 9 months prior, this arrangement was fine for me as we agreed we could take things slow and not jump into anything. I believe that they are not intimate, they have separate rooms, she has a boyfriend also and he spends almost every other weekend at my house. It is taking longer than desired because they cannot agree on the 50/50 custody that my BF is requesting and financial constrains.
The problem: During the first six or seven months, I spent most of my free time with him. The last month or so, I've hung out a few times with a few of my guy friends (some of whom happen to be ex-boyfriends). Unfortunately, most of my friends here are guys .. my close girl friends are out of state.
I have remained friends with all of my ex-boyfriends and I don't see this as a problem. Once it’s over, it's over, to me this doesn't mean you can't be friends and in fact, sometimes these end up being really good friendships. Well, this has been a problem for him which I find hugely ironic considering that I have been willing to trust him in this situation. He feels it is different because he is not ‘hanging out’ with his wife, only cohabitating and co-parenting. I am starting to feel he is becoming possessive and mistrusting, which has caused me to back off on the situation a bit and also because his divorce/impending move hasn't seemed to be making any progress and I've said all along I don't want to rush.
I am 38 and have a 9 year old son, engaged twice but never married. He is 36 and has a 15 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. He’s been married almost 14 years so does not have a lot of dating experience. I am respectful of his children's feelings and did not want to meet them until he was moved but I gave in on that after meeting his nieces and that getting back to his daughter. I’ve told him over and over again that I don’t want to rush but he continues to push issues such as spending time with the kids and asks questions incessantly, which is really starting to bother me. I had to straight out tell him I was feeling smothered. I’ve told him from the get go he and his children will need time once he’s actually divorced/moved to adjust but as he gets more and more inquisitive about my time and possessive about who I spend time with, I get more and more frustrated. He really is a very sweet, considerate guy so I don’t want to just toss the baby out with the bathwater, so I’ve told him I need to retain my freedom until if/when we decide to take our relationship further and that won’t happen until his situation changes. He feels I am acting like my way or the highway and I am firm that I am just asking for what anyone would ask of a NORMAL relationship, and especially of one in these very odd circumstances.
Thoughts or advice, please? Thank you.