Do you read your kid's text messages? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 09:17 AM Thread Starter
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Do you read your kid's text messages?

Question for you: do you still read the kids’ texts and try to keep up with their social media? My almost 11 year old daughter is on her ipad constantly and is in these group conversations where she might get a couple of hundred messages per day. Part of me wants to keep up but there is a part of me that thinks there is no way to do so. I also think she could pretty easily delete any questionable texts if she wanted to.

My ex-wife does read them and told me of my daughter getting very angry at some friends for doing something without her, and then called my daughter on it stating that she can’t be possessive of her friends and it’s natural for them to do things without her sometimes, etc (I support the message even if I’m ambivalent on how she got the info). She also said my daughter has a crush on some boy and told him she loves him! I’m not really ready for that and I wonder if this is part of a larger insecurity my daughter is feeling in her relationships.

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 09:33 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

No. I don't read my son's text messages. Unless, of course, he shows them to me, which he actually does quite often. He's not particularly protective of his phone. I also have his passwords to everything, so I could access his accounts at any time. I just don't generally feel any need to do that.

But, then, my son is 16. He did not have a phone with text capabilities or access to any type of social media accounts - nor did any of his friends - before age 13-14.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 09:37 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

At her age, I think it is responsible parenting to periodically check her texting.

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

I appreciate the replies. Unfortunately, every kid I've met from her school has messaging capacity (whether an actual phone or just an ipad/ipod with imessage) and use it extensively, so that horse has left the barn.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 09:44 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

As collegians in their 20's, I have come to trust my boys implicitly! Even growing up as teenagers with brand new cell phones, I never once felt the need to pry!

The only thing that would ever make me consider ever doing "a 180" on that would be if either of them suddenly "turned against me," which at this juncture, I would consider to be highly unlikely!

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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 10:01 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

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Originally Posted by neganagatime View Post
Question for you: do you still read the kidsí texts and try to keep up with their social media? My almost 11 year old daughter is on her ipad constantly and is in these group conversations where she might get a couple of hundred messages per day. Part of me wants to keep up but there is a part of me that thinks there is no way to do so. I also think she could pretty easily delete any questionable texts if she wanted to.

My ex-wife does read them and told me of my daughter getting very angry at some friends for doing something without her, and then called my daughter on it stating that she canít be possessive of her friends and itís natural for them to do things without her sometimes, etc (I support the message even if Iím ambivalent on how she got the info). She also said my daughter has a crush on some boy and told him she loves him! Iím not really ready for that and I wonder if this is part of a larger insecurity my daughter is feeling in her relationships.
How old is your daughter if I may ask? I'm assuming at least early teens but am just curious.

I personally see no problem with this and when my daughter grows up and has her own phone (which will not be for a long time as she is a toddler now) I can see myself as keeping tabs on her phone, without her knowledge however. I plan to only act on the information I obtain this way if something serious comes up.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 10:57 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

At 16 I did spot checks, at 18 they will have to self report if they need advice.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 05-17-2016, 03:13 PM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

I was the "backwards" parent that won't let them have a phone or pad at that age.

Son is 12 soon, he doesn't have either. I have a 16 and 20 y/o on my plan. We don't look at the 16 y/o. She does snapchat a lot. We've talked about the dangers long ago. The 20 year old has been sexually active since she turned 18. I'm sure as hell not reading hers!!!
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 02:09 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

No, I never read.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 05:59 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

I am a "backwards" parent too. My 10 yr old has an iPad, however he is not allowed on any social media or chatting sites. We monitor all his iPad use. He does not have his own phone and will not get one for a while yet.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 06:13 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

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Originally Posted by Capricious View Post
I am a "backwards" parent too. My 10 yr old has an iPad, however he is not allowed on any social media or chatting sites. We monitor all his iPad use. He does not have his own phone and will not get one for a while yet.


Not letting a 10 year old have his own smartphone is considered child abuse these days.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 07:22 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

We spot check texting for our boys (17, 14, 11)... more so for #2 as he has a girlfriend and texts a lot.
We also follow all social media. I've asked them to edit or remove some posts that were offensive on occasion.

Our youngest is not allowed on social media yet... but just got an iphone (dad's old one) this year on entering middle school.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 07:34 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

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Not letting a 10 year old have his own smartphone is considered child abuse these days.
He is always with a parent (unless at school). He has no need for one as yet (nor do I want the expense of it). When he goes off to high school and catching public transport then it will be different.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 07:36 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

No, I don't read them.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 07:38 AM
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Re: Do you read your kid's text messages?

I was a backward parent, too. My daughters didn't get phones until they were 16 an old enough to work and pay their own bill. My son is 15 and we put him on our plan, but he is involved with sports and after school clubs, so he actually had a need the girls didn't have as they weren't interested in sports and clubs.

I didn't read the girls texts because they pay for their own, so I feel it's not my business UNLESS I have reason to suspect something shady was going on. I don't read the boy child's texts because he is bizarrely, almost eerily, well behaved and responsible for his age.

God help the kid who whips out a phone at the dinner table or during a family function, though. I'm still backward in that respect.
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