I hate being right all the time - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 07:28 AM
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Re: I hate being right all the time

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It should be against forum rules to smoke weed and then post.
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 08:45 AM
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Re: I hate being right all the time

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I've been treated as nothing more than a wallet for so long I'm sick of it. I have the financial resources to make things much easier for them but that doesn't mean I "should" or I'm obligated.
IMO this issue may be causing some stress in your current relationship.

BTW, the financial assistance would also benefit your grandchildren. You have the means to try to break the cycle of poverty and poor choices for THEM. I really do not think you want the grandchildren pregnant or making kids at 16. I don't think you want to be a great-grandfather just yet.

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My ex suggested that I do as she did, apologize for everything we put them through during the divorce, all the conflict and damage that was done. She said our eldest daughter has no recollection whatsoever of a happy childhood, she remembers it as being all bad, and my ex sent her pictures which did in fact remind my daughter that she had a pretty good life up until she was about 14 when the divorce tore everything apart.
I don't have kids or never been in any situation similar, but you should think about this. I might be beneficial to YOU also. I sense you are very strong. You could do this, and be honest about it. It might be a way to help break the cycle without spending money on them.
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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 09:06 AM
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Re: I hate being right all the time

"It should be against forum rules to smoke weed and then post."


I find SCM's comments interesting, usually spot on and frequently insightful. Better some THC-assisted observations than prune assisted judgment dumps.

"Life is a banquet and most poor sons a' *****es are starving to death." --Auntie Mame

Last edited by BBF; 06-05-2016 at 09:12 AM. Reason: Include quote
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-05-2016, 10:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate being right all the time

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I don't have kids or never been in any situation similar, but you should think about this. I might be beneficial to YOU also. I sense you are very strong. You could do this, and be honest about it. It might be a way to help break the cycle without spending money on them.
This is not the first time my eldest daughter has cut me off for long periods of time, without good reason (as far as I'm concerned). The first 3 year estrangement, I would call, and leave messages, apologizing for anything I may have done to make her life an unhappy one, over and over again.

I finally realized I was chasing my tail and it was tearing me apart.

I'm done apologizing.

I sent her a text yesterday. I told her that I love her and that I'm here for her if she needs me.

My GF suggested that I consider a check for, say $1500 with no strings attached, no expectations, just because I care.

I've heard nothing, and therefore, I will do nothing. As far as I know my help is neither needed nor wanted until and unless I hear otherwise.

Who knows what's really going on over there. All I've heard is through third parties, one of which is my exwife, who, while apparently trying to be helpful has a history of significantly skewing the facts, and who knows how much truth she was given in the first place?

I'm not going to let this possible mess of my daughter's life and my indecision as to what to do or not do drag me down the emotional rathole again. Life is too damn short.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 07:54 AM
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Re: I hate being right all the time

I doubt $1500 will do any good, I mean it's just throwing money at the situation looks/feels cold.

There is two sisters who don't get along or have much of a relationship & they both don't have a relationship with their parents.

I would start repairing the emotional relationships first before I would hand over money.

This world is a tough one without family support, having lost my mother at 15 to cancer & my dad to cancer in 2013 it's hard without parents. I know I have my in-laws & they call me their "daughter" but it's not same. And I don't know what I would do without my brothers, it's nice just to have them there to talk/vent about sh!t.

You're right life is short & it would be a tragedy not to get have a bond with them or your grandchildren.

Yes I know there 7 hours away, but families here have kids in the US & Australia and keep in touch via Skype. Try (if you want) general small talk on Facebook or whatever first & then move on to Skype.
















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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate being right all the time

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I doubt $1500 will do any good, I mean it's just throwing money at the situation looks/feels cold.
Well, my thought is that it would come across as genuinely caring. "You don't want anything to do with me, but I'm thinking about you and since we aren't talking, I'm helping in the only way I know how".

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There is two sisters who don't get along or have much of a relationship & they both don't have a relationship with their parents.
My 2 daughters get along well. So well in fact that my youngest daughter decided to go to school near her older sister and stays with her on school breaks.

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I would start repairing the emotional relationships first before I would hand over money.
That's what I've decided.

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Yes I know there 7 hours away, but families here have kids in the US & Australia and keep in touch via Skype. Try (if you want) general small talk on Facebook or whatever first & then move on to Skype.
My younger daughter speaks to me only when she wants something and has no interest in just chatting.

My eldest, as I said won't even return my text offer to help.

Therefore Skyping, FBing, and other methods of communication aren't relevant at this particular time.

Last edited by Mclane; 06-06-2016 at 05:34 PM.
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 06:01 PM
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Re: I hate being right all the time

I sincerely apologise, I thought I read they didn't get along.
I'm delighted they have a good relationship.

There is a lot of pride here, even in your title of this thread.
"I hate being right all the time"
Instead of "Why don't my kids respect me?" Or "Why don't I have a bond with them?"

I'm not trying to be condescending with you at all, so please don't get offended.

You said you are done with apologies, correct don't say sorry again, say I am your Dad & I would like it if we can keep in touch more. Let's start off on a clean slate.

It's a shame for them too to miss out with you, in the short time I've known you here, you have a great sense of humour with a slight sarcastic tone. But it's hard for you to show some emotions even though there is a real loyal person there.

Don't hand over cash & then that's it. They'll never respect you for it.

Your eldest has your pride, by the sounds of it.
Admitting to needing help is admitting that her Dad was right.
That's hard to do.

I had 5 brothers & a Dad who cared but I had trouble asking for help when my ex bf abused me, pride got in the way, they told me he was trouble, I didn't listen.
Took me two years to admit I made a mistake.

I hope this will be of some help to you.
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 06-06-2016, 08:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I hate being right all the time

I called the boyfriends mother tonite. We haven't spoken in quite some time, but we used to be very friendly and we certainly have our children and our grand children's best interests in mind. She used to be very close to my daughter. My daughter, her boyfriend and their first child lived with the mother in an apartment for a year or so before they moved away, and she was a mother figure to her, definitely much more so than my exwife.

Anyway I called her, we spoke for a while. She told she hadn't spoken to my daughter much in these past months, she too was cut off just like I was, for no reason that she understood. She acknowledged the breakup but said that she had asked her son about there being a girfriend and he was adamant that there was not. He could be lying, my exwife could be mistaken, that one's a mystery for now. Doesn't really matter I guess, although I'd think any chance for possible reconciliation would be less if there is another girl in the picture but it doesn't seem that they're moving in that direction anyway.

I asked her about the used car that the boyfriend was coming to the area to pickup, she clarified that it is her brother's car, an older model Honda Odyssey with only 50k miles in good running condition, they're putting new tires on it and fixing a few things, and the boyfriend will drive it back later this week so they'll have 2 cars which should ease their immediate situation and supposedly make it possible for my daughter to get a job. How she's going to work with 2 young children is beyond me.

She told me she paid $5k for the vehicle and didn't ask me for any help but I offered to pay half, and she was very grateful. She said she'd let them know I helped out if I wanted her to, or conversely she'd keep silent. I said it doesn't matter to me I just wanted to help and I was glad for the opportunity. I really don't expect to hear so much as a word of thanks from my daughter but I feel better knowing I did something for them and of course for my grandchildren.

At one point they were starting to plan a wedding. I had offered to give them $5k as a present and advance it if they needed it. I guess I got away cheap.

Last edited by Mclane; 06-06-2016 at 08:51 PM.
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