HATE my stepkid - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-17-2016, 07:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: HATE my stepkid

Just a quick update. Had a heart to heart with my W and she agrees with me that SS should neither be allowed in our home, nor should either of us be alone with him. It's good to be on the same page with her. It allows me to let go of my own fear and anger to an extent so I can be a good spouse to her. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.

Thanks for the civil and helpful discussion, I hope it also helps some other families as I suspect this is one of many problems suffered by many but discussed by few.

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post #47 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-17-2016, 08:06 AM
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Re: HATE my stepkid

@Nix2 I'm glad things are getting a bit better for you, it's always good to talk about the things you're going through with your spouse.
You're correct a lot of families all over the world go through this type of situation, it's needs to be talked about more so people can spot the signs & get all the help available.
It should not be a stigma/shame as mental illness doesn't discriminate and can affect anyone who is under pressures of life.
Remember that support is always here for you.

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post #48 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-19-2016, 01:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: HATE my stepkid

Looks like SS is out of our lives for the foreseeable future if not permanently.

He did not get himself locked up or killed, more a parental alienation thing against my W.

I am sad for my W because she loves her kid and wants a relationship for him. I am delighted. He is going to make a lot of people cry one day.

Now to be a good spouse. Help her through the loss of her kids. They are both alienated from her.
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post #49 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-19-2016, 02:43 PM
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Re: HATE my stepkid

Sometimes, even when they are young, it is best to let them fail. One thing I would recommenced, if you are seriously contemplating a gun, is go to a gun shop with a shooting range. Many areas have a weekly free ladies day so, go test out a few calibers and different guns out. Last thing you need to do, is buy something you may be scared of, but have no experience with in the first place. Many people buy them and then are too scared and have no clue how to handle them.
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post #50 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-19-2016, 10:08 PM
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Re: HATE my stepkid

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nix2 View Post
Just a quick update. Had a heart to heart with my W and she agrees with me that SS should neither be allowed in our home, nor should either of us be alone with him. It's good to be on the same page with her. It allows me to let go of my own fear and anger to an extent so I can be a good spouse to her. This is extraordinarily difficult for her.

Thanks for the civil and helpful discussion, I hope it also helps some other families as I suspect this is one of many problems suffered by many but discussed by few.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nix2 View Post
Looks like SS is out of our lives for the foreseeable future if not permanently.

He did not get himself locked up or killed, more a parental alienation thing against my W.

I am sad for my W because she loves her kid and wants a relationship for him. I am delighted. He is going to make a lot of people cry one day.

Now to be a good spouse. Help her through the loss of her kids. They are both alienated from her.
Good.

Now go buy a pistol and learn to use it.
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Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #51 of 53 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 10:33 AM
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Re: HATE my stepkid

What happened, that he's out of the picture?
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post #52 of 53 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 03:03 AM
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Cool Re: HATE my stepkid

Your last sentence: "He is a SICK puppy." pretty much sums it up plus what you have written about the inadequate parenting this sick puppy has had. I see him as a victim of very bad parenting along with perhaps some genetic flaws but mostly just plain old bad parenting!
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My stepson is a horrible person and I hate his guts.
Hate his guts if you must but he is NOT a horrible person. He is the VICTIM of horrible adults who have FAILED to help him acquire normal social skills and responsibilities - according to your story!

Quote:
He uses his size to intimidate and bully others, always has.
Always has? Only because someone, his parents, allowed or maybe even encouraged this to happen!

Quote:
His sibling called my W and me begging for our help because idiot stepson was beating up their father. We did the only thing we could do living apart from them, we called the police. As a result he was hospitalized.
That could have been a step in the right direction to undo the mental damages from bad parenting or perhaps bad genetics. Someone needed to HELP him stop being so violent!

Quote:
He blames others for his actions, will not take any accountability. I am now the devil along with my W who has been the devil for years in his eyes. He hasn't spoken to me since April. He cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for his actions, which include strangling his mother (my W), beating up his father and terrifying his brother to the point where he barricaded his room with every piece of furniture he could find in order to prevent this piece of crap teenager from barging in and wreaking havoc.
Yep, that's all the consequences of inadequate parenting!

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My W and her ex made excuses for him in his younger years as he has his good points as well but he has always been disturbed.
Looks to me like he has "always" had disturbed parents/parenting!

Quote:
He has been in therapy pretty much consistently since the age of 10 and it has made no difference. He needs help. He has received, and is currently receiving, help. He has two therapists!
Therapy is not a MAGICAL CURE and many therapists are sorely unqualified to help others!

Quote:
But he isn't open to it, will not talk to anyone and wants to live in fantasyland where everything is provided to him and he doesn't have to lift a finger in effort. His grades suck, he has no goal in life. He and his brother both live with their father who enforces no discipline, is the quintessential beta male. My jerk stepson is the alpha in the household.
All of this is about BAD PARENTING! Don't the two therapists see it????

Quote:
And of course I am open to anything which may improve the situation.
The only thing that could HELP this kid is to be removed from his very inadequate parents and home and turned over to people who could socialize him in a NORMAL/HEALTHY fashion. (but NOT the military!)

choose happiness
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post #53 of 53 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 03:28 AM
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Re: HATE my stepkid

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
It might give an impartial 3rd party a bit of added insight that could assist in terms of offering advice on how to repair the strained relationship w/ the children, especially the younger one.

If, for example, Dad is telling the kids, "She chose her girlfriend over us!", there may be specific ways for OP's wife to demonstrate loyalty to her children (especially the younger one) in such a way that it diffuses Dad's BS.

Bottom line? I didn't ask out of petty voyeuristic curiosity.
yeah, and I bet the the therapists(s) ask that question, too......... while the clock is ticking......
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