Parental decision dispute - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Parental decision dispute

Hi folks, new here, been reading a lot and great advice being given so now it's my turn if you may.

My woman and I are in a disagreement about our 13 year old boy. He likes to go to these "nerf gun wars" which is like laser tag only with nerf guns that the participants build and or modify themselves and they hunt each other down and shoot to "kill" so to speak.

It's all good fun and our boy has made some friends, mostly older kids in their late teens and twenties. The one guy who organizes these meets is a nice friendly kid we've met him a few times at the meets.

This weekend is an out of state nerf war and it's 3.5 hours each way and then one or both of us has to sit there for 4-6 hours while they play shoot 'em up. So it's a lot of driving and a waste of a day. The guy who organizes the meets takes people depending on availability in his car and he's offered a ride to our boy. I say it's all good let him go, she says no way is he going with boys we don't even know.

I say she's over protective she says I'm not being cautious enough.

Thoughts?

Thank you.

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post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 01:40 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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Originally Posted by oskar View Post
Hi folks, new here, been reading a lot and great advice being given so now it's my turn if you may.

My woman and I are in a disagreement about our 13 year old boy. He likes to go to these "nerf gun wars" which is like laser tag only with nerf guns that the participants build and or modify themselves and they hunt each other down and shoot to "kill" so to speak.

It's all good fun and our boy has made some friends, mostly older kids in their late teens and twenties. The one guy who organizes these meets is a nice friendly kid we've met him a few times at the meets.

This weekend is an out of state nerf war and it's 3.5 hours each way and then one or both of us has to sit there for 4-6 hours while they play shoot 'em up. So it's a lot of driving and a waste of a day. The guy who organizes the meets takes people depending on availability in his car and he's offered a ride to our boy. I say it's all good let him go, she says no way is he going with boys we don't even know.

I say she's over protective she says I'm not being cautious enough.

Thoughts?

Thank you.
I wouldn't be comfortable putting his safety in the hands of someone I don't know. I'd take him myself and stay overnight. Ideally, I'd bring one of his agemate friends along also. Make a weekend of it.
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post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 01:49 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

I've organized martial arts clubs in the past and I know a thing or two. All legitimate sporting events must be insured. It's liability safeguard for the property owner in the event of accidents and injury. I take it this is not a legitimate sports organization and the property owner is not licensed or insured.

Unless the event, the organizer and the property owner has all the proper paperwork I wouldn't let your son participate even if it's walking distance away.
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post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 01:54 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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Originally Posted by oskar View Post
Hi folks, new here, been reading a lot and great advice being given so now it's my turn if you may.

My woman and I are in a disagreement about our 13 year old boy. He likes to go to these "nerf gun wars" which is like laser tag only with nerf guns that the participants build and or modify themselves and they hunt each other down and shoot to "kill" so to speak.

It's all good fun and our boy has made some friends, mostly older kids in their late teens and twenties. The one guy who organizes these meets is a nice friendly kid we've met him a few times at the meets.

This weekend is an out of state nerf war and it's 3.5 hours each way and then one or both of us has to sit there for 4-6 hours while they play shoot 'em up. So it's a lot of driving and a waste of a day. The guy who organizes the meets takes people depending on availability in his car and he's offered a ride to our boy. I say it's all good let him go, she says no way is he going with boys we don't even know.

I say she's over protective she says I'm not being cautious enough.

Thoughts?

Thank you.
This one is wicked easy. Meet the boy. Then you know him. But yes, I think she is being over protective.
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post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 01:54 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

I'd go with my hubby and the boy and make a fun weekend out of it. There's GOT to be fun stuff to do at or near where he's going. Find a hotel with a pool and a hot tub (I can think of a couple of fun things to do for 4 hours in a hotel room with hubby ), go to a comic book store, attend a farmers market, whatever.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:11 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

I would allow it if it were an organized youth activity with a church, 4-H, a school or rec department ball team, something of that nature. Those activities would include adult leaders and organizers bearing some formally designated legal responsibility to provide oversight and protection to the kids, and he'd be with a group of children roughly his own age.

But this isn't that. This is a guy you've met a few times giving your 13 year old a lift to an all-day, mostly adult, event in another state. There's no formal chaperonage, no group of buddies his own age to watch out for one another, and really no one to take responsibility for him if anything were to happen. Have you been to this event before? Do you even know for sure whether the culture of this event is something you'd be okay with your child attending?

If he were 16 or so? Probably. But not at 13.

If he wants to go, and you're okay with him attending, then take him and make a family weekend of it.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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Unless the event, the organizer and the property owner has all the proper paperwork I wouldn't let your son participate even if it's walking distance away.
They're running around in a park shooting foam bullets at each other using plastic guns with springs and air pressure.

I think not letting him participate is way over the top and although I appreciate your response that's not the question I was asking.
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post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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If he wants to go, and you're okay with him attending, then take him and make a family weekend of it.
I would have to take off of work and that's not going to happen.

As it stands it looks like mom is taking him and she'll spend the day I mean waste the day with him.

Looks like the decision is made I'm just looking to see if I'm "wrong" or if she's "over the top" protective.
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post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:23 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

Nowadays, no way I'd let my teen son drive with some adult I don't know well that far away.

That said, we only had one child, and we basically put our lives on hold so that she could have fun things to do. So I would definitely go, bring a book, and relax.
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post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:25 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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As it stands it looks like mom is taking him and she'll spend the day I mean waste the day with him. .
Despite the fact I do agree she's slightly overprotective, did you just say that her spending a day with her son is a WASTE???


People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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Despite the fact I do agree she's slightly overprotective, did you just say that her spending a day with her son is a WASTE???
Yes because she'll be sitting there while he's running around playing with a bunch of fellow nerf gunners.

I guess they'll have quality time in the car ride so it's not a complete waste. Also she works hard all week, gets up early and works late, so on her day off she's getting up at the crack of dawn only to drive for 1/2 day and return home late. For no good reason as I see it.
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post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:31 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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I would have to take off of work and that's not going to happen.

As it stands it looks like mom is taking him and she'll spend the day I mean waste the day with him.

Looks like the decision is made I'm just looking to see if I'm "wrong" or if she's "over the top" protective.
Just a quick caution about turning this into a wrong/right thing with your wife. Two people can have very different opinions without either of them being wrong. Your wife is not comfortable sending him alone. That's not wrong of her, or over the top overprotective. But, neither are you wrong. Your own tolerance for risk in this situation is higher than hers. In this case, your wife is the one who will be giving up her day to chaperone him. It's not a hardship for you, but for her - one she seems willing to accept as the more cautious parent in this situation.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:35 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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Yes because she'll be sitting there while he's running around playing with a bunch of fellow nerf gunners.

I guess they'll have quality time in the car ride so it's not a complete waste. Also she works hard all week, gets up early and works late, so on her day off she's getting up at the crack of dawn only to drive for 1/2 day and return home late. For no good reason as I see it.
Why will she just be sitting there? Will she be reading a book? Relaxing? Suntanning? Maybe she'll go shopping, or find something really cool at a little shop, or run into someone and make a new friend, or be in the right place at the right time to give someone a much needed smile.

Just because you don't see a reason for it doesn't mean it has no value to HER.

You need to do some work on your attitude towards your wife, methinks. Do you know her love language? Or her biggest need in the marriage?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Parental decision dispute

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You need to do some work on your attitude towards your wife, methinks. Do you know her love language? Or her biggest need in the marriage?
She didn't want to go either!

There's a zillion things she needs and wants to do on her day off.

She's going because she feels she has to.
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post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-04-2016, 02:38 PM
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Re: Parental decision dispute

So help her ENJOY her day. ESPECIALLY since she didn't want to go.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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