Got a woman coming over. . . - Talk About Marriage
The Family & Parenting Forums Family dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.

User Tag List

 35Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-14-2016, 07:34 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,723
Got a woman coming over. . .

Hey, BTW, thank you to all for welcoming divorced people at this forum. I did value my marriage very very deeply and still want to be a student in it.

Anyway, divorced 5 years now. . .my son is 19 living with me while he works a summer job. He's a good kid.

I feel my role as the divorced parent, the way it has worked out, is that my ex tends to be the "model parent". . .she immediately evolved to a relationship whereas I have shown my 3 boys how to "live single." I know my ex-wife and her guy, well, they sleep separately in the house but travel together whatnot. Show affection in front of the kids but that seems to be it. They are companions in every sense of the word though. My ex is pretty proper with conduct. Me, I have lived a "single life". . now, to be clear, I have hardly been promiscuous. . .in a monogamous relationship for 3 years. I was alone for 1 year, this last year. But I always thought it was a nice complement that my boys could see "How to be Married" (MOM) and "How to be Single" (DAD) because chances are. . .they'll be both in their life. (one of the very, very few advantages of divorced parents over married)

Anyway, I am being "waved in" here by my new squeeze.

My question: Is it in bad taste as a parent to ask my son to scram for a night like a buddy/roommate, that I have a woman coming over? Like I said he's been living with me. He does have friends he could go over for 1 night. He'll ask why and I am a bad liar.

I mean. . .I guess I have been kinda the "cool parent" in that they come to me for relationship/sex questions (not often, a couple of times) whereas she has been the asexual one, focusing on education and even discipline more. I am very careful though to when they compare me to her and say, "I"m not going to make her be the bad cop/bad guy here." I have talked about STD's, girls wanting to get pregnant young, and all that with them.

I guess we do play bad cop/good cop though with me as "good cop." It's probably a fair criticism and I have tried to change with that, but I tend to be too easy going.

But, well, I admit it feels a bit weird and like we are friends instead of parent/child.


And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Scannerguard is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-14-2016, 11:52 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,695
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

I think it's a bad idea to ask your son to scram so that you can have a woman over at your place. Yea he's 19, but you are still his father not his roommate.

Does he spend time at his mothers? that would give you time to have a woman over.

Or arrange for him to stay over at a friend's house. But don't tell him why. He's not your roommate or your buddy. I don't think kids what to know about their parent's intent to get laid.

Or how about you and your lady friend going to a hotel or to her place?
EleGirl is online now  
post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 12:16 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,025
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Or you can show that it is healthy for adults to have sex and not feel like they have to hide it.
It's a good lesson for him to be home, even if he hears you. That's life.
poida is offline  
 
post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 06:45 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,723
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Well, you two have hit the inner conflict, lol.

We may get a room; it's on the table. It's just going to get expensive every time we want to have sex that we shell out $89.00 + rental tax. His mother lives 1 hour away from his job here. . .he's working here for another month and I have the other kids coming over the day after and they're staying for a week. We wouldn't do it with my other younger kids in the house. She's got kids too and her mother who lives with her.

This extrapolates to an essay I read about Generation X and how we are getting screwed with parenting. The essay was that I don't remember my parents ever worrying about my sensibilities, feelings and if I was "fulfilled". . .in fact, they were so unconcerned, they gave me a spoon and said, "Here go have fun - now go play outside." (and I imagine they were doing the nasty as I roamed the neighborhood) And so, well, I "scrammed" sometimes literally in the next town over on my bike. I didn't cramp my parents lifestyle 1/10th as much as my kids cramp my lifestyle.

And you know what? I have good parents. I didn't end up in therapy hating them.

I guess backseat of my car is on the table too. . .my 19 year old can have the house for him and his gf.

Married or divorced, you know what I am talking about when I write this vent and it goes beyond sex.

And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Scannerguard is offline  
post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 06:36 PM
Member
 
NobodySpecial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5,108
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

I disagree with Ele. Tell your son you want the house to yourself. Nuff said. He is 19, not 4. You're dating.
NobodySpecial is offline  
post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 06:54 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,655
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Scram or put some earbuds in and turn the volume up to 11.
Posted via Mobile Device
Herschel is offline  
post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-15-2016, 07:13 PM
Member
 
Blondilocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: SoCal
Posts: 3,677
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

How long have you been seeing this lady? I'm leaning toward telling your son that you will be having a date night at your house and the lady will be staying over. He can decide if he wants to stay or scram.

BTW, I'm a baby boomer and my parents treated me exactly how gen x were treated.
Blondilocks is offline  
post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,723
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Well, I asked him and he smiled and said, "Ok. I can go to XXXX's. No big deal."

He then asked, "I'm happy for you. Do you like her?"

And I said, "Of course, XXXXX. Not to sound preachy at all, but I wouldn't have her over if I didn't like her. Some guys and gals can do that, but I really can't. Not wired that way."

He left a little in thought about that.

And maybe I seem a bit confused. . .but maybe, I got you pegged! Ha! Don't know what to do about those tossed salad and scrambled eggs. . .they're posting again. Scannerguard has left the building.
Scannerguard is offline  
post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 09:41 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 398
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scannerguard View Post
Well, I asked him and he smiled and said, "Ok. I can go to XXXX's. No big deal."

He then asked, "I'm happy for you. Do you like her?"

And I said, "Of course, XXXXX. Not to sound preachy at all, but I wouldn't have her over if I didn't like her. Some guys and gals can do that, but I really can't. Not wired that way."

He left a little in thought about that.
KillerClown is offline  
post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 10:53 AM
Member
 
NobodySpecial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 5,108
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by Herschel View Post
Scram or put some earbuds in and turn the volume up to 11.
Posted via Mobile Device
These knobs go to 11!

NobodySpecial is offline  
post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:03 PM
Member
 
rockon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: land of liquid sunshine (Florida)
Posts: 789
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Sorry to TJ Scannerguard, but I saw the title and assumed it was SMG that started this.
rockon is offline  
post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:07 PM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,973
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by poida View Post
Or you can show that it is healthy for adults to have sex and not feel like they have to hide it.
It's a good lesson for him to be home, even if he hears you. That's life.
You think it's a good idea for a 19 yr old to hear his father screwing the father's girlfriend whom he just met?!?

Couldn't disagree more....... That's pretty sick.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 08-16-2016 at 04:29 PM.
BetrayedDad is offline  
post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,655
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

If your kid's name is XXXXX, then he is likely well aware of whatever it is you are going to do.
Herschel is offline  
post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,655
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
You think it's a good idea for a 19 yr old to hear his father screwing a girl the son just met?!?
By the way I read that sentence...that dad is hard core!
Herschel is offline  
post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:16 PM
Member
 
BetrayedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,973
Re: Got a woman coming over. . .

It's one thing for the 19 yr old to understand that his father has sexual needs.

It's quiet another to have him be in the next room listening. That's abhorrent and abusive.

Should he send the kid out to go pick up some rubbers for his old man too?

Perhaps high five him afterwards while she's in the bathroom cleaning up?

Just..... wow.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
BetrayedDad is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I suggested to this woman we meet for ice cream and she said..... SMG15 The Social Spot 75 06-28-2016 02:32 PM
if a woman is hesitant to give me her number to chat briefly on the phone she is.... SMG15 The Social Spot 148 06-19-2016 05:38 PM
Married woman dancing with another man at a club Charlieroger3000 General Relationship Discussion 26 03-10-2016 08:16 AM
Married but separated, now there's another woman. Feeling broken... lanajade33 General Relationship Discussion 233 01-18-2016 10:09 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome