The Family & Parenting ForumsFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as parenting, blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
I've heard this many times, but I don't think I believe it. I start crying just looking at my husband because I love him so much. I don't even want to love someone more than him, because it would mean I don't love him as much as I think I do (don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me). Anyway, this is off-topic, sorry.
There are other types of love, that are just as fulfilling as parenting. Some people only want to share love with their spouses; mothers often forget their husbands when a baby comes.
Omega and I only want to love our husbands and ourselves.
We're completely fine with no kids now. We're too old to do it again and we have all this space and time to devote to each other.
One unhappy result is no grandkids, but our daughter was handicapped and would never have children, so it didn't really change that.
We do have nieces, nephews, grandnieces and grandnephews to spoil and love, so we're thankful for that.
I'm currently separated from my 15-year long wife (+7 years dating) after she had an EA (which has allegedly stopped). She fell into that because she didn't feel loved and because she resented me being a crap dad (as in being aloof). I had, indeed, been a pretty miserable dad to our 2 daughters because I had progressively become bitter to seeing all the affection of my wife going to our daughters.
While it's clear that our break-up is not attributable to having kids and we clearly have issues outside parenthood, the stress that goes into raising kids WILL accelerate any cracks your marriage may already have.
I love my daughters (and am in the progress of mending my attitude towards them) and I love my wife (though we're not currently together). Maybe our marriage will survive, maybe not. In any case, I'm sad to say that my kids were a catalyst to the breakdown of my marriage.
1. sense of team work
2. lots of family QT and closeness
3. living a deeply satisfying life
4. work harder ro make it work since children also effected by failure
5. excellent way to make friends with other parents, coahces, teachers, neigbors
6. many others I have not thought of quickly
Worse
1. Less time for alone time
2. Can be tiresome
3. Less freedom to get our freak on and be spontaneous
4. Financially more straining
5. Sitter issues
6. Occassionally another source for disagreement
I would do it all over again, so on balancem its a winner
We're completely fine with no kids now. We're too old to do it again and we have all this space and time to devote to each other.
One unhappy result is no grandkids, but our daughter was handicapped and would never have children, so it didn't really change that. We do have nieces, nephews, grandnieces and grandnephews to spoil and love, so we're thankful for that.
Good for you, DanF. That is exactly how we feel; our four nieces are enough for us!
There's a misconception that childfree women are all bitter childhaters. I love children and I have always been great with them. When we visited my in laws, a little boy climbed into my lap and lay his head on my shoulder. It was a lovely moment.
As I said before, I have a real respect for people who choose to not have kids, and most of them I've met aren't bitter child-haters, they just thought about the kind of life they wanted, things they wanted to do, etc and decided that kids didn't fit into that. The ones I know are cool with my kids AND have more disposable income to buy them nice gifts!
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I found it better. My wife and I have little in common and don't generally agree or get along. Children fill our lives which would otherwise be boring and intolerable. Now that we're empty nesters it will most like come crashing down.
That's an interesting point actually, I've never thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense - maybe if there are already too many problems in the marriage before kids, it just means more things get amplified once the cluster-bomb that is Kids goes off in the middle of the marriage.
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Skipped a lot of responses...so sorry if its been said.
I've always heard that kids AMPLIFY the marriage.
The good gets better and the bad gets worse. Kind of liking having that knob that now goes to "11"!
In the end - looking forwards to a divorce - I think we would be in the same place at this point with or without the kids.
I've heard that said before also, and I sure think that's right. If a couple is close and communication is good then kids can really add to the closeness and feeling of family. If a couple is distant and don't communicate then kids will just magnify that.
Really though, that doesn't just go for having children. If a marriage is bad then anything from financial struggles or health problems or even infertility will at some point be too much for the couple to get through, while a good marriage can usually weather pretty much anything that comes along.
its all in how you handle it you can have the I'm always tired and stressed aproach or you can have the were all healthy and we can get passed anything aproach.
keep a positive attitude and be a team and all will be good.
for us personally, it would be strange if we didnt have kids..we lived together of a year and 7 months, then we came home from the hospital with a little baby. we cant really remember a time with out kids.
we just had our 11 year wedding anniversary, and our 20th year anniversary..[maybe 21...i cant rem].
having multiples usually tears apart a marriage, just like jon & kate. we are determined to make it through. it is hard with kids, but then they start school, and ahh..quiet time.
our house went from the quietest place to "malcom in the middle" over nite. including "lois" yelling at kids all the time. its messy, and prob smells weird, and music, a tv and kids screaming...ahh home. [im not there right now...]
i try and remember, the kids will be ok, they dont need me to be all up in their mix all the time. my husband is the one who wears me out most of the time.
he has been my job since we moved in together 16 years ago. kids will love you no matter what, spouses can go either way. i try to make time for us, and our kids are old enough to stay home, so i leave them a lot and get coffee, or browse comic books, or go to best buy all with husband, car or no car.
i think without them, a least in our case, we would be bored...our kids bring drama, and loudness and cute chatter, they draw funny pictures of us, and squeal with delight when we look appaled and crunch up the papers.
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Re: Did kids make your marriage better or worse? 
It was a lovely moment. 
