I see insecurity and JEALOUSY as your basic problem here. Unless there is blatant sexual boundary crossings, I see no problem with anything you've mentioned other than your own insecurity and personal expectations for the behavior of others. Your standards are your standards but do not need to be the standards of everybody else. I lived in a few foreign countries and saw things that were normal for others but "bothered" me - until I realized that my standards are not UNIVERSAL nor even RIGHT. So, I got over my touchy, jealous reactions and did as the natives do!
Originally Posted by LittleParachute View Post
I couldn't help thinking he and his mother are a bit TOO close -- considering he's an grownup and married man.
Or is it your own jealousy popping up?
Anyhow, I was young and did not really understand what it meant when people said "you marry a man, you marry his whole family."
It should read: when you marry someone, you ACCEPT them as they ARE!
Well now I learned and turned out my family and friends were probably right. The first clue was physical touching. There was this time when we visited my mother in law, she groomed his back and then lay on his back and put her arms around his neck as if he was carrying her.
Which INFLAMED your insecurities and jealousy!
Another time she lay on his legs and groomed his thighs while they were chatting. All of these happened so spontaneously and right in front of my face! She even was looking at me in the eyes and smiling at me while she was lying on his thighs, and I was sitting away from them!
I'm guessing that he "smile" was telling you that there is NO sexual side to what they were doing but your uptight, puritanical conditioning just couldn't handle it.
My husband doesn't like to close the door of bathroom when he's using it. I'm fine with that at our own house but he doesn't close it either at his mother's. And when his mother walks around she can clearly see everything! I talked to him about this the first time I saw it then he started to close the door. Here comes the climax, when he closed the door of the bathroom, my mother in law opened it by herself!! Right in front of me! After I said it was inappropriate to keep the door open! She opened the door and insisted on letting it open!
Sorry but you whole story is simply about your "values" vs. the values of others and you either need to accept your husband's values, work very hard to change him or get a divorce and go find someone who fits your values and needs. I'm guessing you will try to change him to fit in with your values.