I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 01:16 PM
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Re: I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close

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Originally Posted by candle100 View Post
No, it would not be rude of you to tell your MIL how you feel. A mother loves her son is normal. I guess it's fine if they are comfortable doing it and cause no harm to others, but you definitely have the right to discuss it with both of them if it bothers you. I saw a father kissed a son lip to lip and I thought that was odd enough, but your MIL and Dh are different too.
It seems to me that DH should be doing that. Mom, it is pretty inappropriate for you to be stroking my thigh, chest, hair... please stop.

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post #17 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 01:30 PM
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Re: I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close

I'm going to point out the giant pink elephant with polka dots in the room. LP, do you think your husband had *ahem* inappropriate relationship with MIL?
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post #18 of 20 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 01:43 PM
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Re: I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close

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Originally Posted by LittleParachute View Post
There was this time when we visited my mother in law, she groomed his back and then lay on his back and put her arms around his neck as if he was carrying her. Another time she lay on his legs and groomed his thighs while they were chatting. All of these happened so spontaneously and right in front of my face! She even was looking at me in the eyes and smiling at me while she was lying on his thighs, and I was sitting away from them!
UM....EEEEEWWWWWW!!!

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This is just a beginning. My husband doesn't like to close the door of bathroom when he's using it. I'm fine with that at our own house but he doesn't close it either at his mother's. And when his mother walks around she can clearly see everything! I talked to him about this the first time I saw it then he started to close the door. Here comes the climax, when he closed the door of the bathroom, my mother in law opened it by herself!! Right in front of me! After I said it was inappropriate to keep the door open! She opened the door and insisted on letting it open! I didn't confront with her because I wanted to show respect to seniors but I did talk to my husband again. Actually he didn't and still doesn't think this is an issue and considers it's normal because she's his mother.
DOUBLE EEEEEWWWW!!!!

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Originally Posted by LittleParachute View Post
There were also times that she changed in front of us (my husband and I) with only a bra and panties on.
This behavior of your MIL and your husband's "being perfectly OK with it" are very disturbing. Can you guys go to marriage counseling to discuss this? The stroking of the thighs is really creepy, almost incestuous. Plus it seems by your post that there are more equally creepy scenarios you haven't shared with us.

I think your feelings are dead on. Most if not all wives would be creeped out by this...not only by your MIL's behavior but by the fact that your H seems totally ok with all of this....and you are made to feel like you're the one who's being ridiculous???!

I would love to find out WHY your FIL remarried. Perhaps he too was creeped out by your MIL and your H's relationship....?


Last edited by bluezone; 08-22-2016 at 01:50 PM.
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post #19 of 20 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 11:50 PM
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Re: I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close

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Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
Your MIL strokes your husbands thighs???



Seriously??? That is BEYOND inappropriate, that's just f'n creepy!

The thing is, if she's doing this stuff in her house, you can't say anything to her about it
(ok, except the thigh stroking...)

If she opens the bathroom door at your house, or walks around in her undies etc. you can ask her to go somewhere private to change and tell her you want the bathroom door closed when someone is in there. But you can't do that in her house.

I don't know hun, this is so creepy and weird...eek!
To the bold why can't you say something. You have a right to privacy in the bathroom even in someone else's house. You still have the right to respect. Whose house it is just varies how you enforce that boundary IMO.

We've dealt with two sets of parents with no respect for our boundaries, deal with it, it only gets worse as time goes.

"This is not a 'You' verses 'Her' struggle, its an 'We' verses a 'NO we' effort that is the ongoing work that makes a marriage exclusive." - Decorum
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post #20 of 20 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 01:22 AM
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Question Re: I think my husband and mother-in-law are TOO close

I see insecurity and JEALOUSY as your basic problem here. Unless there is blatant sexual boundary crossings, I see no problem with anything you've mentioned other than your own insecurity and personal expectations for the behavior of others. Your standards are your standards but do not need to be the standards of everybody else. I lived in a few foreign countries and saw things that were normal for others but "bothered" me - until I realized that my standards are not UNIVERSAL nor even RIGHT. So, I got over my touchy, jealous reactions and did as the natives do!
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Originally Posted by LittleParachute View Post
I couldn't help thinking he and his mother are a bit TOO close -- considering he's an grownup and married man.
Or is it your own jealousy popping up?

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Anyhow, I was young and did not really understand what it meant when people said "you marry a man, you marry his whole family."
It should read: when you marry someone, you ACCEPT them as they ARE!

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Well now I learned and turned out my family and friends were probably right. The first clue was physical touching. There was this time when we visited my mother in law, she groomed his back and then lay on his back and put her arms around his neck as if he was carrying her.
Which INFLAMED your insecurities and jealousy!

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Another time she lay on his legs and groomed his thighs while they were chatting. All of these happened so spontaneously and right in front of my face! She even was looking at me in the eyes and smiling at me while she was lying on his thighs, and I was sitting away from them!
I'm guessing that he "smile" was telling you that there is NO sexual side to what they were doing but your uptight, puritanical conditioning just couldn't handle it.

Quote:
My husband doesn't like to close the door of bathroom when he's using it. I'm fine with that at our own house but he doesn't close it either at his mother's. And when his mother walks around she can clearly see everything! I talked to him about this the first time I saw it then he started to close the door. Here comes the climax, when he closed the door of the bathroom, my mother in law opened it by herself!! Right in front of me! After I said it was inappropriate to keep the door open! She opened the door and insisted on letting it open!
Sorry but you whole story is simply about your "values" vs. the values of others and you either need to accept your husband's values, work very hard to change him or get a divorce and go find someone who fits your values and needs. I'm guessing you will try to change him to fit in with your values.
Good luck!

choose happiness
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