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post #16 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 10:11 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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No, she was manipulating him. If she was in fear she would have called the police. He needs to stop being needy.
Not necessarily. it would take a LOT before I'd feel concerned enough - and willing to face the backlash he'd create - before I would call the police on my H. Because I'd have to face my fear over angering my H before I could call the police.

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post #17 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 10:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

Yeah l did worry about anytime l was around ex from that angle for sure lt was confusing to me actually too but like l've said , it was hardly any time at all usually just me and d.
And believe me we've all been at this 3 1/2 yrs , d knows all about what it's about..
And sadly even if they don't my god some of the horror stories about their friends and their parents . Poor kids , l think out of all d's crew of 20 or 30 friends there's maybe one or two who's parents are still together. Fkd up world these days isn't it..
But no l don't want any time with ex l think that's pretty clear. l want co parenting back.
l'm seeing someone else , to hell with ex. But l do want that.


PS ,for the life of me l can't see what's needy about just wanting to be good parents for our d .. Like l said , we've been complimented by many even professionals. l wish people would read.things.

Last edited by whitehawk; 08-27-2016 at 10:18 PM.
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post #18 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 10:11 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

Did you close the joint credit card? Or was it your card that she is supposed to pay. That arrangement is not typical and you disregarded our questions about it that are relevant to this thread.
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post #19 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 10:43 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

I've read it - twice. I just don't understand how, if you two are 'so evolved,' you are having such a huge blowout.

Something isn't adding up.
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post #20 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

Oh man , This is very confusing.
l would have thought women of all people would appreciated a good parenting arrangement but it seems they have the most problem with it grasping the idea.

So what do you prefer , to be fighting and not talking as you come and go for kids with your ex?
To not see him at all or discuss anything at all with him about your kids ?
How does your set up work then , don't you talk to your ex at all about your kids.? How does that work out , doesn't that just make it all even harder exspecially on the kids ?

Just wondering about theropy too , what do you suppose l tell them l'm there for .
Hi , l'm inlove with somebody else these days but l do still want a good parenting arrangement with my ex- am l sane please , or needy , or is there something wrong with me ?
Hmm, wonder what they'd say.

And incase no body understands what professionals in this field means , ahh , they were therapists in this very field that complimented the job we were doing .
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post #21 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:01 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

I prefer my EX-husband to be OUT of my life completely except for dropping off and picking up our children. I want him out of my life. MAYBE together for birthday parties or Christmas.

And I would have complimented you, too. UNTIL you started HUGE arguments with your ex. Over stupid stuff.
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post #22 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:03 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

You obviously came her to be congratulated on your 'wonderful' close relationship and are astonished to hear not everyone agrees with you. Do you want advice or do you want to be sided with?
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post #23 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:15 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

[QUOTE=whitehawk,

I remember your story very clearly. You have had a good working parenting relationship from the very start.

You have backed off for a bit. Now just start interacting with her slowly.

I would also suggest that you start spending less time with your daughter at your ex's home. It's extremely likely that the guy she's with now is not happy about you being there, even if it's just you and your d. So that puts pressure on your ex.



Now about what other people's arrangements are like.. with my ex I had to put something in the divorce papers that was not to come to my door even. Why? Because when he'd pick up our son he'd come into my home, go through all the rooms and making snide comments. He would often start harassing and badgering me. It's all dependent on the situation. I wish that things had not been like that because I think it was very hard on our son. But our son watching his father mistreat me was hard on our son too.
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post #24 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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No, she was manipulating him. If she was in fear she would have called the police. He needs to stop being needy.


l suspected te same or a way out bc she's getting pressured from om to break contact with me. Or as l said , to cover up effg up the card payments.
There was zero reason to call the police . right through all this we've had a fdw minor tiffs like this one but nothing at all really and considering we've done very well.
That's one reason thsi was such a shock.
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post #25 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:58 PM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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.

So what do you prefer , to be fighting and not talking as you come and go for kids with your ex?

.

Like you have now.

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post #26 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 11:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

[QUOTE=EleGirl;16399978][QUOTE=whitehawk,

I remember your story very clearly. You have had a good working parenting relationship from the very start.

You have backed off for a bit. Now just start interacting with her slowly.

I would also suggest that you start spending less time with your daughter at your ex's home. It's extremely likely that the guy she's with now is not happy about you being there, even if it's just you and your d. So that puts pressure on your ex.



Now about what other people's arrangements are like.. with my ex I had to put something in the divorce papers that was not to come to my door even. Why? Because when he'd pick up our son he'd come into my home, go through all the rooms and making snide comments. He would often start harassing and badgering me. It's all dependent on the situation. I wish that things had not been like that because I think it was very hard on our son. But our son watching his father mistreat me was hard on our son too.[/QUOTE]



Thank you El , muchly appreciated your ideas and getting straight to thr crux of the sitch.l remember you too and always appreciated the help you offer people , l hope you've been keeping well and life's been good .:
Funny you should say about the om , l suspected too , l've noticed a lot of things in ex that just aren't her, even sudden total about flips as if someones got in her ear and this was def' one.l even actually just said that above there in the last post..

Thanks for the tips El, l'm going to try that and thanks again, hopefully we can get back on track with this. l really couldn't believe everything we'd worked for was just blown to bits like that and there's been a big difference in things with d since too, mostly not good either. and she's feeling it and talked to me a bit about it.. She was secure before bc me and mum were always still good but for the first time in all this she's been a little bit worried and that means much ,more worried inside than what she shows me.

l'm sorry for you and your son especially things aren't a bit better with ex . hope everything else is good. all the best.
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post #27 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 12:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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You obviously came her to be congratulated on your 'wonderful' close relationship and are astonished to hear not everyone agrees with you. Do you want advice or do you want to be sided with?

Please get real , just a grasp of the situation and my questions would do nicely thanks. .

And you didn't answer my last question , so what sort of co parenting relationship doyou have with your ex then , and how is that working out ?

Last edited by whitehawk; 08-28-2016 at 12:09 AM.
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post #28 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 12:32 AM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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PS ,for the life of me l can't see what's needy about just wanting to be good parents for our d .. Like l said , we've been complimented by many even professionals. l wish people would read.things.

You keep talking about this magical better way. I scanned your many threads. What is the custody arrangement?

And who are these many professionals that you keep feeling the need to quote? Are these the free ones that call at random hours and talk about goals?

Btw what country are you in?
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post #29 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 12:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

Wow that was helpful..
ps ,l don't have the need to quote any body just trying to explain, or the need or time for this bs anymore either soooooo . byeeeeee now.

Last edited by whitehawk; 08-28-2016 at 02:04 AM.
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post #30 of 44 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 02:00 AM
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Re: Fight with ex and now we're not talking, 1 daughter

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Anyway as l said earlier you missed it. She usually is at my place. But l still have to pick her up and come and go or go in for a few minutes here and there at her place.
Why do you have to go in? Your daughter is 15, more than capable of coming out to your car on her own.

My husband has a mostly amicable co-parenting relationship with his ex wife. On drop offs, their daughter will sometimes want to show him something at the ex's home or vice versa, that's fine. Sometimes we go in and chat for a couple of minutes about the week and anything he/she needs to know at changeover. That's IT.

There is NO WAY I would allow his ex to spend ANY time in our home, while we are not here, so it's just her and their daughter. No way. I also said to my husband just recently, that I don't want SD having a key to our home when she's older, simply because I know that her mother would come over here while we're out/away, and have a good old snoop through our stuff. Not. Gonna. Happen.

We too have been praised by professionals, including school teachers in the past about how great our co-parenting is. We don't have to be best buddy's to do it.
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