my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 08:50 PM Thread Starter
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my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Hi, we are having major fights with my wife, to the points that we almost are talking about divorcing…

The issue is that my wife, strongly believes that she can let her parents come and stay at our place, for weeks at a time, without letting me know or asking my thoughts on that or permission.

Last time her mam came to our place for 4 weeks and I’ve learned about it just a day before, while my wife knew about it for long time.

It was busy time for us, as we had major renovation going in our house and were planning our long time awaiting vacation in a month.

I got furious. My wife told me that, i need to go to see psychiatric, because is completely normal for her parents coming over whenever they/she wants with no consultation with me.

Just to give a bit background: Shortly after wedding, i agreed for my wife's parents to move in to our 2bd/1bath 800sf apt with her teenage sister until they find job and will be able to afford renting apt by them self. They lived with us for 4 or 5 months that were nightmare that made me almost hate them - in my opinion they are bit lazy, spending money like crazy on the best things as they would be rich and then asking for help others hard-working peoples who try to think about future.

Is she right? Am i crazy? Please help with your opinion and thoughts

Is she right?

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 09:18 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

You are not crazy to feel put upon.

However, you are crazy to tolerate this. It sounds like the whole thing is a symptom of a broken marriage.

How long have you been married?

Kids?

Do one or both of you work?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 10:01 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Your wife is wrong. It should take the joint agreement between the two of you before anyone can stay at your place. This is especially true in a small apartment.


If you lived in a huge rambling estate, it might be different, but not in an 800 sq ft apartment and not in a normal size home.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 10:36 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

You created two threads on the exact same topic. I merged them.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 11:08 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

What country are you in and from?
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 08:00 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

How is the money in your marriage handled?
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 09:03 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

I would be pissed too. It's disrespectful. How does your wife defend her behavior? If you say, I find it disrespectful that you... And she continues to do it, she basically doesn't care about your feelings because what your asking for is not too much. You guys need to calmly discuss it and come to a compromise. Your not going to get your way, and either is she and that's marriage. Come to a middle and both agree upon it. This is not worth breaking up a marriage for.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 09:50 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

If you two are from different cultures, it's quite likely that you are not on the same page as far as what's expected wrt family coming over.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 09:54 PM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

You didn't know the person you married.

Obviously, neither did she.

Too late.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 02:29 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Wow, nope you're not being unreasonable. You and your wife should both be ok with anyone staying in your home, even for one night, let alone four weeks!!!

Good God, I can't imagine living with my inlaws for four minutes!

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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 03:20 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Which culture are we talking about? Some cultures the parents coming to stay and for extended periods is a very normal thing, more so when grandchildren are around.

Sort out what page you're on but you may find you have to quit if the cultural difference is too great, or she continues to ignore you.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-28-2016, 04:31 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by rafikman View Post
Hi, we are having major fights with my wife, to the points that we almost are talking about divorcing…

The issue is that my wife, strongly believes that she can let her parents come and stay at our place, for weeks at a time, without letting me know or asking my thoughts on that or permission.

Last time her mam came to our place for 4 weeks and I’ve learned about it just a day before, while my wife knew about it for long time.

It was busy time for us, as we had major renovation going in our house and were planning our long time awaiting vacation in a month.

I got furious. My wife told me that, i need to go to see psychiatric, because is completely normal for her parents coming over whenever they/she wants with no consultation with me.

Just to give a bit background: Shortly after wedding, i agreed for my wife's parents to move in to our 2bd/1bath 800sf apt with her teenage sister until they find job and will be able to afford renting apt by them self. They lived with us for 4 or 5 months that were nightmare that made me almost hate them - in my opinion they are bit lazy, spending money like crazy on the best things as they would be rich and then asking for help others hard-working peoples who try to think about future.

Is she right? Am i crazy? Please help with your opinion and thoughts

Is she right?
Sounds like there may be a cultural aspect to this, so be careful with responses on the forum as most are from an anglo-saxon background.

Are you and your wife from the same cultural background?

Is it normal in her cultural background to have parents coming by as and when?

Put your foot down, this is your home. Speak to your father in law man to man and see what he says. Who 'wears the trousers' so to speak with the in laws?
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 02:04 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Her parents came it to you live or staying in a hotel?
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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 05:48 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Why didn't her parents have jobs and where were they living before they moved in with you? Where do they live now?

I'd have an issue with it too as at the month mark they've almost basically moved back in. Are you expected to pay for everything while they are there that long?

I don't see this clearly up. She's basically told you straight you are crazy for having an issue with this. She's not likely to change. She waited until after you were married to drop the bomb about her parents needing to move in, if it was that dire how did they wait that long?
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 10:43 AM
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Re: my wife is letting her parents over with no notice to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Staisha View Post
Her parents came it to you live or staying in a hotel?
Says "AT OUR PLACE"
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