Should I tell my son I am not his biological father? - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-10-2016, 04:08 PM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

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I don't have much to work with: a nickname, a possible birth state, a possible work industry, and an approximate age. I know this doesn't speak well for my W but these are the facts as told to me.
Frankly, judging by what you've posted here, I highly suspect she is lying about what she knows/remembers and possibly even about the identity of the OM (s). I also suspect that part of the reason she wants to keep her secret is that your son will force her to tell the whole truth.

If she won't tell your son that which he has a right to know, perhaps you'll find it in yourself to give him the gift of truth. Let your wife rage if she wants to, but considering you took her cheating azz back AND raised her OMs baby with her, she can just suck it up.

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post #62 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-11-2016, 09:00 PM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

If it were my son, I'd tell him. He deserves to know the truth.

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post #63 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-11-2016, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

Well turns out it may all be for naught. Spoke to my older brother yesterday, and he believes that our mother told my son about his true parentage before she died several years ago, including showing him a copy of the DNA test I gave to her for safekeeping.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #64 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 12:44 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

If that's really the case then he shouldn't be surprised when you and your wife tell him.

Because you know that you do still need to tell him.
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post #65 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 02:49 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

I know this is just conjecture, but perhaps the mother knew this would be a point of contention with you and your wife, and decided to take matters into her own hands?

Regardless, think about what NOT telling him is going to make him think with this new info revealed.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #66 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 03:07 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

Here's all I can offer. In 1984 my friend was told by his parents he was adopted. He was 18, in his last year of high school. He talked to us about it. He was confused. We were little help, just kids ourselves, looking back, we didn't really understand.

He went to meet his birth parents. He told us about them. But in the end, he told us he felt more for his adopted mom and dad that raised him. And that he understood the reason for the adoption. He didn't want to discuss the subject after that and we viewed his mom and dad the same as we always did.

So, I don't know if it is better to tell from the beginning, or to wait. My friend seemed to struggle for a time with it before he found peace. So if it were up to me, I would inform the child from the beginning. But that ship has sailed for you. Tell the child now. Explain how you feel about him. You know he loves you as a father. If he becomes angry, he will forgive.
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post #67 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-12-2016, 04:42 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

Well if he already knows he probably has a lot of questions.
You need to talk to him.



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post #68 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-13-2016, 02:10 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

I think he has right to know!!
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post #69 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-13-2016, 06:17 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

Who cares about your wife's feelings, this young man deserves the right to know, what if in the future he needed some type of transplant that and you or your wife is not a match to save his life.

I think it is pretty selfish of your wife, to not want her son to know, does not sound like she has changed at all still just caring about herself.



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post #70 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-13-2016, 06:34 AM
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Enough talk. Tell your son.

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post #71 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-13-2016, 07:25 AM
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Cool Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

I recommend and favor telling him "the truth!"

Regardless of your W's feelings, your son's right to the truth absolutely outweighs any of her self-serving wishes to keep his true fatherhood cloistered!

This is all about him ~ and not her!

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post #72 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-13-2016, 03:46 PM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

Maj,

This is just one more monstrous lie on top of the pile of lies your WW has built up during her life.

It might be too late for you to reclaim the years you lost with your WW lying to your face everyday, even more difficult for me, but it's not too late for your son.

It's clear your WW is not going to step up and be an adult sorry it has to fall on you.

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post #73 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-14-2016, 10:37 PM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

so what happened?
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post #74 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 09:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

I'm waiting for the right moment to confirm what grandma may have already told him. Perhaps at the next school break.
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post #75 of 86 (permalink) Old 09-15-2016, 09:24 AM
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Re: Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?

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I'm waiting for the right moment to confirm what grandma may have already told him. Perhaps at the next school break.
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The right moment is now.
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