Should I tell my son I am not his biological father?
My son just turned 21. I have been debating the idea of telling him that I am his father in every sense of the word, except biologically, since he was 18. My reason for this is 2-fold. After dealing with the W admission last year about some relationships with OM from 10+ yrs ago, I believe in complete honesty when it comes to relationships with an impact to a family. And there may be medical issues that can be attributed to heredity.
He is an only child, and we knew 6 months after his birth that I was excluded as a father via early DNA testing back in the 90s. The W freely admitted to involvement with 2 OM during a period in which we had broken-up. We later agreed to get married fully knowing that the child was from someone else. She has said many times that if the child were mine, she would not have agreed to marry me, because she would have felt that I was only marrying her because of the child, and not because I truly loved her.
We were married 14 months after his birth, and he knows this (there are pictures). We attended pre-marriage counseling with our church pastor, and we were open and honest with him. He advised that we notify the other 2 men who could be the father. W only had contact info for one, and he denied paternity and declined DNA testing because he was engaged at the time. The other potential father moved away with no contact info.
W is opposed to telling our son the truth, because she feels it will only bring up negative feelings and would serve no purpose. She believes it would also confuse him as I am the only father he has ever known. It would also make his mother look bad for her behavior at the time.
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The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
Last edited by MAJDEATH; 09-06-2016 at 11:49 AM.