STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child

Friday my STBX moved out. My daughter went with her for the weekend as this coming weekend is my birthday and she'll be with me. I will also see her every Tuesday and Thursday as well.

I love my daughter and to anyone that sees us, it's clear she loves me. My STBX and I are dealing with this as well as can be expected. I see us being friends eventually, hanging out with our daughter at events.

But right now it's hard. I wonder why, if I am such a good dad, why I cannot see my kids every day (I have a son as well from a college relationship. He lives an hour away but his mom and I also get along great and I now see him all summer in addition to my regular visitation). I know I am struggling with this change but it bothers me. I feel like I am being punished for something. It bothers me that abusers get to see their kids daily, but a loving dad cannot.

I am just venting and if admins wish to remove this, I understand. But if anyone has any advice, I am all ears.

To my fellow Americans, hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-21-2011, 11:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child

Keeping an open door policy is best for the children. There should be some structure, but allowing the child to see each parent freely is the healthiest for them. It is more difficult for the parents that are trying to move on and start their own life that way - having to see their ex more often. See if you can swing by occasionally, if they aren't busy to go for an ice cream or just a quick walk around the block, and let your ex know she is welcome to do that too on your time if you aren't busy. That's not as threatening as coming into the house and may help keep a more liberal feeling for your daughter.
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Old 11-21-2011, 02:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child

Thanks Mindfulcoach. We do have that in place. I got to take her to lunch and the park yesterday.
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Old 11-22-2011, 01:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbird669 View Post
Friday my STBX moved out. My daughter went with her for the weekend as this coming weekend is my birthday and she'll be with me. I will also see her every Tuesday and Thursday as well.

I love my daughter and to anyone that sees us, it's clear she loves me. My STBX and I are dealing with this as well as can be expected. I see us being friends eventually, hanging out with our daughter at events.

But right now it's hard. I wonder why, if I am such a good dad, why I cannot see my kids every day (I have a son as well from a college relationship. He lives an hour away but his mom and I also get along great and I now see him all summer in addition to my regular visitation). I know I am struggling with this change but it bothers me. I feel like I am being punished for something. It bothers me that abusers get to see their kids daily, but a loving dad cannot.

I am just venting and if admins wish to remove this, I understand. But if anyone has any advice, I am all ears.

To my fellow Americans, hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.
{{{HUGS}}} I'm really sorry you are going through this. It was probably the most painful time in my life when I could only see my children 2 days a week and it's not comforting to think that there are a million or more dads in your same position as it relates to your child. I really don't have any advice, just wanted to offer up my sympathy for you.
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: STBX moved out, dealing with not seeing child

Thank you Cherry. I appreciate that.
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