Wonder what any women might think about this situation? Seems like the guys are mostly suggesting I don't buckle, even if it means divorce. Any women in these forums?
but loaded with debt and living in a small 1 bedroom apartment. we're both middle-aged..
Given your ages, you said mid-40's...loaded with debt ...are you still renting at this point too??
Yes.. this will be heavily stressful financially speaking.. but I can see where she is coming from too!
This is just not a good place to be.. . I think one of the smartest things younger people can do is be very careful with their spending ...start saving early.....don't allow debt to creep up on you... as much as you can, save...so the ability is there to buy those larger purchases - Houses, vehicles...with less bills every month...
With the normal college debt some are strapped with today...this is difficult for many unless they get decent jobs... I feel for your wife.. when a woman gets her heart set on being a Mother....it's something many men will never understand.. she will be deeply depressed to have this pass her by in life.. I can only imagine the resentment...(sorry to say- I was one who wanted children badly.. so I speak from the heart here)
What is the debt from? Is there any way to buckle down & get out from under this...with much "spending discipline".. sometimes one has to sacrifice in one area - to open doors for another area.. Yes..it is pushing it badly - with your both getting up in years now.. and her fertility window slowly coming to a close...
You & her need to set reasonable goals to accomplish, 1st of all.. getting out of debt... finding a place big enough, affordable to raise a small family...some "nesting" - pre-planning goes into starting a family.. or it should...
Don't think I am crazy for suggesting this...but have you prayed for direction here?
In our early marriage, as we both wanted children ... there was 1 specific scripture I used to pray over... it was 1 Thes. 4:11 .....it was a Plea to work with our hands -so we wouldn't be dependent on anyone.. we needed to be able to make it financially.. affording all our bills, upkeep of the car so he could get to work, all of it...even if my husband didn't have such a great job back then..
It was surely a concern, we didn't want to be stressed financially, as this could cause a lot of strain in any relationship... we were always very frugal though, this being more of a lifestyle...
Are their ways you could 1st, get out from under this debt...at the very least ?