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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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Having kids

Hi. At what point do financial considerations trump the desire to have children?

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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 01:39 PM
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Re: Having kids

When you cant afford to have them.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 01:50 PM
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Re: Having kids

Need more information from you.

In general, if you are just scraping by, no money left at the end of the month, and you have no kids, then having one is not a good idea. Child care in particular is a huge expense.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 01:52 PM
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Re: Having kids

That's a very tough call... More details please
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 02:00 PM
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Re: Having kids

Do you already have kids?
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 02:02 PM
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Re: Having kids

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Originally Posted by Capricious View Post
Do you already have kids?

Me? Yes I do .. One boy
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 02:19 PM
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Re: Having kids

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Me? Yes I do .. One boy
What is with this poster?

Odd.
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: Having kids

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Originally Posted by caruso View Post
When you cant afford to have them.
(If you are asking this question, most likely you can't afford it)

Consider it this way (rough):

Daycare $400/month/child
Food $25/week/child
Diapers $30/month/child
Clothes $60/month/child
------------------
$590/month/child

That's just essentials, not including other activities, doctor visits, strollers, ect.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 03:59 PM
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Re: Having kids

The answer to your question is going to depend entirely on your particular situation. If you are living out of your car then I would say you probably shouldn't have kids. But if you're barely able to afford your monthly Hawaiian vacation, then I'd say you need to reassess your priorities.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 04:01 PM
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Re: Having kids

Before having kids, have are realistic idea of what your life will be like with kids - time, money, etc. Kids are an enormous change in your life.

If either partner does not think that life is better than you current life, then you should not have kids.

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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 04:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Having kids

Thanks for the replies.

Not scraping by, but loaded with debt and living in a small 1 bedroom apartment. we're both middle-aged, no kids. wife doesn't seem too concerned with that. She wants to keep trying and figures "it'll all work itself out" somehow.

I see a recipe for disaster and stress heaped upon an already stressful and expensive life change. But any attempt to say 'no' now, when the fertility window is all but closed, carries the real risk that I'll be blamed for us/she not ever having had any children. We've been together 3 years, by the way.

I'm really not insensitive to her potential disappointment, but I do wonder if she shouldn't also be giving some thought to the financial strain we face at this point should we get pregnant in the next few months.
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 05:11 PM
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Re: Having kids

I know its difficult but you REALLY need to sit down and discuss this with her. This is a decision you never get to undo - one way or the other.

Having been raised by a father who clearly never wanted me - I'll ask you to be sure you never wind up doing that to a child. If you are not enthusiastically on board with having children, with all the effort, expense etc it takes, then please don't.



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Thanks for the replies.

Not scraping by, but loaded with debt and living in a small 1 bedroom apartment. we're both middle-aged, no kids. wife doesn't seem too concerned with that. She wants to keep trying and figures "it'll all work itself out" somehow.

I see a recipe for disaster and stress heaped upon an already stressful and expensive life change. But any attempt to say 'no' now, when the fertility window is all but closed, carries the real risk that I'll be blamed for us/she not ever having had any children. We've been together 3 years, by the way.

I'm really not insensitive to her potential disappointment, but I do wonder if she shouldn't also be giving some thought to the financial strain we face at this point should we get pregnant in the next few months.
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 05:22 PM
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Re: Having kids

Well the other school of thought is that you should just have kids and things will work themselves out.

Given the cost of raising a child through adulthood is now estimated at about $200k and don't even think about college expenses, that school of thought might be somewhat reckless.

Sure, you could be blamed, you could be divorced, but that might be better than being strapped with child support payments on top of an already limited budget when the stress of raising children with limited finances causes your marriage to crash and burn.

If it was me I sure know what I wouldn't do.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 05:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Having kids

Point taken. There is, admittedly, a gap in enthusiasm between us. I'm on board, but wouldn't be crushed if it never happened. I'm in my mid-40s and figured it probably wouldn't happen, and was OK with that. But she has her heart set on it happening, even though she understands the chances are slimmer now because of our ages.

I suppose at this point she just wants to keep trying indefinitely to make the most of her fertility window. I get that. I suppose I thought, from prior conversations, that she saw this as more of a casual goal, a sort of "let's try and if it happens, great' kind of a thing. It feels like now this is the highest priority, regardless of other factors (financial, my opinion). It feels less of a couple's decision and more about her need to continue pursuing this for many more months or years.

And it feels like my only real option now is to go along and support her, or risk hurting her feelings and making her resentful toward me. As for my feelings and risk of resentment, I suppose that's just takes a backseat, too.
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 09-29-2016, 05:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Having kids

Caruso... so you're saying you'd just get a divorce now, rather than risk having a child?
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