My husband has disowned our daughter - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy My husband has disowned our daughter

Hello,
I'm new here and don't even know if I am putting this in the right forum. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and have a 25 year old daughter. In 2009 when she was in college, her boyfriend abused her. She didn't tell anyone about it until this spring. When she told me, I guess I made the mistake of telling her not to tell her father because I know it was going to set him off.

She told him on Friday and it set him off. He is more angry that she didn't tell the police at the time. He keeps saying that no woman in his family would let that happen and not tell anyone and he said she is not his daughter and basically wants nothing to do with her.

I don't know what to do and have nobody to talk to.

Do you think he will eventually talk to her again? I'm scared.

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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 04:45 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

I suspect he'll cool off in a bit. He probably feels he's failed her and he's lashing out. Anger and helplessness can come out in strange ways.
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 05:09 PM Thread Starter
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I hope you are right. He is just so disappointed in her because she didn't do anything about it. He doesn't feel he failed her, he thinks she failed him and now wants nothing to do with her.
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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 05:12 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

I think he'll cool off too.

Unless he is the kind that holds grudges, like me.

Godspeed, OP!
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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 05:15 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

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Originally Posted by Marybeth1024 View Post
I hope you are right. He is just so disappointed in her because she didn't do anything about it. He doesn't feel he failed her, he thinks she failed him and now wants nothing to do with her.


I'm always right! Ask anyone.
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 05:21 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

How did her boyfriend abuse her?

Did she say why she didn't report it? Maybe it was for the very reason she is experiencing now. Chances are your husband would have been just as upset with her at that time as he is now.
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 05:25 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

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I'm always right! Ask anyone.

Get a load of this guy.

Godspeed, OP!
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 07:12 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

Does your husband understand that he is being abusive also?
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 07:26 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

I would be good to know how she was abused. Was it emotional abuse, physical abuse?

How long did you daughter put up with the abuse?

What does your husband think she could have done about the abuse besides leaving the guy?
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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:11 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

I think your H is being a selfish git, your daughter has probably has been through enough without putting up with more crap from your H. He is taking it personally as if he was being abused! Doesn't he realise that abuse by a man is usually about control, and that he is doing exactly the same thing? What happened to the role of the protective father, it seems to be more about his ego and how it affects him. Tell him to grow up and be a bloody man! I wouldn't let my H away with this crap.

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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:33 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

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I think your H is being a selfish git, your daughter has probably has been through enough without putting up with more crap from your H. He is taking it personally as if he was being abused! Doesn't he realise that abuse by a man is usually about control, and that he is doing exactly the same thing? What happened to the role of the protective father, it seems to be more about his ego and how it affects him. Tell him to grow up and be a bloody man! I wouldn't let my H away with this crap.
^^This. What a horrible dad!
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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 08:34 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
I think your H is being a selfish git, your daughter has probably has been through enough without putting up with more crap from your H. He is taking it personally as if he was being abused! Doesn't he realise that abuse by a man is usually about control, and that he is doing exactly the same thing? What happened to the role of the protective father, it seems to be more about his ego and how it affects him. Tell him to grow up and be a bloody man! I wouldn't let my H away with this crap.
If you don't understand this, it is highly probable that you are an abused wife and that's why you think his behavior is normal. It is not normal. It is abusive. Your husband is emotionally abusing your daughter. He is adding insult to injury. He is mean. You already mentioned that you were afraid of what his reaction would be. You should not be afraid of your husband. You should be expecting love and support from him.

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Last edited by CynthiaDe; 10-17-2016 at 10:45 AM. Reason: Apparently I cannot spell worth beans
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 10:23 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

What country or region are you from? This seems like a very surprising reaction to me.
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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-16-2016, 10:56 PM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

If your husband continues to disown your daughter then a fitting response should be for you to retain a divorce attorney and disown HIM.
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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 10-17-2016, 07:48 AM
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Re: My husband has disowned our daughter

your husband is unreasonable.

I had a couple of manipulative boyfriends who also played up to my parents. Any dispute I had, my parents supported his POV.

I think you and your daughter should get counselling and just leave your husband out of it. As far as he is concerned...... everything is fine.,
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