This is an entirely different issue and points to deeper problems.
I think you said he moved into your house, is that correct?
So he moves in, he saves whatever he was paying elsewhere, your daughter is forced to give up her privacy, the intended plan is shut down because of issues he has with his exwife and the sudden unexpected child support expense.. one of the best available options is shut down because "he cannot fathom the thought of his children being on a different floor" .. and it turns into a blow out?
There's a lot wrong there and it has nothing to do with fixing up a damp basement. At the very least, he's extremely rigid and inflexible, and very unreasonable and unwilling to compromise, yet very willing to let you solve all of his problems.
This doesn't fix him, but maybe he's thinking about the kids being shut away in a basement. If the door is removed, and the basement stairway is opened up with a railing it starts to feel like one big space.
Yes, he moved into my home. The mortgage is still in my name only. With the addition, we were going to refinance and have his name added to the mortgage. He saves a good amount of $ by having moved out of his apartment and into my home. We do share all expenses though. And correct, the possible addition is on hold because of the child support issue with his ex. We find out next month how much he will have to pay each pay week.
I don't want to say he's hung up on his children because that's a bit much and in my opinion sounds *****y, angry, bitter etc and I'm not. Because of what's happening w/my daughter, I've been questioning whether I should have been more hung up on her.
At times there are issues re:rules of the house that are have been set between him and I for all children and mine are expected to follow but he often does those things for his kids. For example putting clean clothes away. We wash, dry & fold, then put them on each childs bed. All are expected to put their own clothes away in drawers. He ends up putting his kids away.
When I met H, his children were 8 & 6. He slept in bed with them each night. He still wiped their butt, dressed them, bathed them etc. Maybe that's normal for some, but for my children, I taught them to do a lot of that by that age. They may have needed some help but a lot was completed by themselves. He's very protective of his children. They can't go in the front yard now at 12 & 10 without him being with them. We live on a quiet street and a very safe neighborhood. I've been there for 15 years and never had anything bad happen.
I feel like he thinks of himself and what's best for his kids first and foremost sometimes rather than what's best for everyone as a whole. We've had these discussions before and it turns into a heated argument. We've also discussed the situation in couples counseling and the counselor basically told him he needed to lighten up. She suspected that he has deeper things that haunt him based on his upbringing and his parents divorce.
I don't want to beat up on him and I don't want him to come off as a jerk, because he is a great husband. There's just these things that after we talk, things heat up, he changes for a while, then it's back to the way it was. I keep thinking that it's all a matter of time and the kids will be out and on their own.