Wife's mom is living with us - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-23-2016, 04:02 AM Thread Starter
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Wife's mom is living with us

Her mom has some health issues, but it's my belief that she could take care of herself. It was my understanding that she was just going help financially until we get stable we just moved to another state. However it has turned to, once we pay off the house she gets it(how, she'll be older). They have somewhat of a toxic relationship, screaming and cursing each other out and this affects me... as it seems when they argue she has less patience for me. I understand wanting to care for your parent(s) as they get older, but I'm tired of it... i can't walk around in my boxer if I so chose... well I could but I think that's disrespectful. HELP

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 04:42 PM
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Re: Wife's mom is living with us

Once you pay off the house, WHO gets it? Surely not your MIL. Or were you talking about something else?
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 10-31-2016, 11:10 AM
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Re: Wife's mom is living with us

Is your MIL widowed or divorced? Did she not plan for this eventuality? You didn't say when you would have your house paid off but I can't see such a transaction occurring for the following reasons:

1: she is currently having health problems and is advancing in age so likely she should neither be living alone nor will she have the ability to keep a house in good condition for long.

2: if you are still getting on your feet financially then you should know that home equity is probably the biggest part of your net worth. By signing it off to someone else you are at the least putting yourself at a disadvantage when it comes time to move.

You and your wife need to talk to a financial planner. If there's any doubt that your MIL won't be able to support herself then you should also discuss your wife having power of attorney for her. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 06:26 PM
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Re: Wife's mom is living with us

Sounds like you and your wife need to sit down and have a discussion about what is best for your marriage. Having your MIL live with you is most definitely an option, but if the relationship is toxic, NO one is happy or healthy. That kind of conflict takes its toll on health, mental health and marriage. If they cannot get along, and your home be an oasis, than there are other options. Your MIL can live in a little senior community apartment where she will be with other people she can interact with. You and your wife can live close by so that there are good solid boundaries and you can care for her yet - not live in a toxic environment. I applaud your wife for wanting to care for her mother, but there are limits and boundaries that need to be intact for all to be whole.
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