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post #31 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 05:45 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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he was in grade 6 because he asked me about orgasms (they were learning about them in school) and could women have them too?
Wow, sex ed sure has changed since I was in the 6th grade, you know, back in the medieval days!

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post #32 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 06:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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Yes I read that part about the information being given to authorities but there was nothing about the kid getting into serious trouble.



Sorry I missed your second post. I guess I was expecting that sort of detail to be in the initial post but whatever my fault for not reading every post I'm also busy preparing for court on Wednesday so my attention is spread out.
No worries, my intention wasn't to go into too much detail on what happened which is why I may have jumped around a bit with my posts (the comment about the authorities, I am not 100% certain the laws but I think this may have fallen within the context of child pornography, sexual predator, etc...) . Just wanted to give a quick background of what led to talking to my son and the various issues I was trying to tackle at once.
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post #33 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-24-2016, 08:12 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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I also used to tell them, when they were little, to go into their rooms for privacy when they would play with themselves inside their pants. Not in a shaming way - I would say something like "I know that feels good, but your penis isn't something you should be showing to other people randomly, so if you'd like to keep doing that please do it in private". This was when they were 3-4-5-6 years old or so.
We have always done that as well... once they discover it, boys can't seem to help but touch it. Can't say I blame them , lol.

I used to have such awful shameful feelings about anything sex/body related stemming from childhood trauma. I've always tried to be careful not to make them feel ashamed of it, but encourage privacy. And when discussing porn or similar, letting them know that it is normal to be curious, and not to be ashamed of being curious, but to also distinguish between fantasy and reality.
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post #34 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 07:48 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

So my husband was having a grumpy cat day yesterday and those only happen when he's in a tizzy over something our son said or did. Last night was no different. He came home telling me that "my child needs a beating" (FTR, we DO NOT believe in corporal punishment) because he won't accept he's wrong (pot meet kettle). So in order to change the subject and hopefully fix grumpy cat I asked him when he planned on giving him 'the talk'. Apparently it was too soon for grumpy cat. He didn't miss a beat and responded 'I'm going to tell him he was made when I threw his mother down and railed her from behind'. And finished with "and the best kind of birth control are blow jobs." And then he laughed and laughed and laughed when he saw my face. Good bye grumpy cat
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post #35 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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So my husband was having a grumpy cat day yesterday and those only happen when he's in a tizzy over something our son said or did. Last night was no different. He came home telling me that "my child needs a beating" (FTR, we DO NOT believe in corporal punishment) because he won't accept he's wrong (pot meet kettle). So in order to change the subject and hopefully fix grumpy cat I asked him when he planned on giving him 'the talk'. Apparently it was too soon for grumpy cat. He didn't miss a beat and responded 'I'm going to tell him he was made when I threw his mother down and railed her from behind'. And finished with "and the best kind of birth control are blow jobs." And then he laughed and laughed and laughed when he saw my face. Good bye grumpy cat
Haha ... in all fairness though, that is an extremely effective birth control method

Last edited by EllisRedding; 10-25-2016 at 07:56 AM.
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post #36 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 07:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

Just to add as well, when I spoke with my son on Sunday the point was not to have "the talk" or discuss Sex Ed 101. There were a lot of other issues which were more relevant to him now that I wanted to focus on (bullying, respecting others, peer pressure, social media use, suicide, etc...), it was just that a sex act is what led to all of this. At some point my W and I still need to have the talk with him, but at the time I didn't want it to overshadow topics that I felt were much more important to discuss given the circumstances.
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post #37 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 08:13 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

IMO, you're a bit late having the talk. Between myself and my closest friends we have 8 sons. Of course, we talk about them like mothers do. Mostly trying to figure out the mysteries of raising boys beyond feed them and hug them. They were all pretty much either full on masturbating or at least getting "morning wood" by between 9 and 10. How do we know? We thought they were too young for that kind of thing and walked in on them in the act while putting away laundry or going into boy territory to tell them to do homework or clean or whatever.

I'll never forget the day I sent my boy (then age 10) in to clean his room and didn't hear cleaning sounds after a while. So, I sent DH in to make sure the boy was actually cleaning up the Pit of Despair. All I heard was a door open and DH say "Why aren't you cleaning and why aren't you wearing pants!?!?" That was the day I stopped going into the boy child's room without knocking first.

I had the talk with my oldest two when they were 5 and 7, respectively. The boy was about 8 when I tried to have the talk with him, but his peers beat me to it, so I just had to clarify a few points.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #38 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 08:19 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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I'll never forget the day I sent my boy (then age 10) in to clean his room and didn't hear cleaning sounds after a while. So, I sent DH in to make sure the boy was actually cleaning up the Pit of Despair. All I heard was a door open and DH say "Why aren't you cleaning and why aren't you wearing pants!?!?"
It's his. He can wash it as fast as he wants to!

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #39 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 08:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

So here is an interesting question, somewhat related to this topic. At what age do you find it inappropriate/awkward (assuming you do eventually find it inappropriate) to be naked around your kids, and also do you have different rules depending if the kid is of the same sex or opposite?

For example, I shower in the morning but I also shower when I get home from work before bed. That is usually the time we have the kids showering so it is not uncommon for them to hop in the shower with me. Likewise, it is not uncommon for them to shower together. Right now I don't think twice about it b/c my oldest two are boys and my daughter is only 3 (although I try to be a bit guarded with my daughter since she likes to pull things ...). On the other hand, my W was going to take a shower and my oldest wanted to hop in with her, and we just kinda looked at each other as it just felt a bit awkward.
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post #40 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-25-2016, 09:35 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

I stopped having my son in the shower with me at around age 3. Essentially, when he started "school", which was actually nursery school/pre-school in his case. His father never bathed with him, or bathed him for that matter, so I'm not sure if that would have been more comfortable at an older age or not. I kind of think so.


You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
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post #41 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 11:32 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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No, it's a divorce related matter not a criminal one. My exwife is suing me because I'm 2 weeks overdue with spousal support which I have paid without fail since inception. I have and will continue to represent myself because I find lawyers to be useless at doing anything other than generating bills.
Is this you?

Murder defendant, acting as his own attorney, calls witness,... | www.myajc.com
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post #42 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 11:44 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
So here is an interesting question, somewhat related to this topic. At what age do you find it inappropriate/awkward (assuming you do eventually find it inappropriate) to be naked around your kids, and also do you have different rules depending if the kid is of the same sex or opposite?

For example, I shower in the morning but I also shower when I get home from work before bed. That is usually the time we have the kids showering so it is not uncommon for them to hop in the shower with me. Likewise, it is not uncommon for them to shower together. Right now I don't think twice about it b/c my oldest two are boys and my daughter is only 3 (although I try to be a bit guarded with my daughter since she likes to pull things ...). On the other hand, my W was going to take a shower and my oldest wanted to hop in with her, and we just kinda looked at each other as it just felt a bit awkward.
I only have boys so I don't worry about it at all. When I took them to the gym or public pool last summer I just said that they should be comfortable with their bodies and to strut around the locker room like they owned the place, then proceeded to demonstrate. I don't have the kids shower with me but I don't mind if they walk into the bathroom when I'm in the shower or in my room when I'm getting dressed. Likewise I don't care if they want to change with me around. I figure if/when they are uncomfortable with it they'll stop doing it. I know my XWW stopped being naked with my boys around when they were about 4 years old and started noticing that girl parts looked different than boy parts.
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post #43 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 12:22 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
So here is an interesting question, somewhat related to this topic. At what age do you find it inappropriate/awkward (assuming you do eventually find it inappropriate) to be naked around your kids, and also do you have different rules depending if the kid is of the same sex or opposite?



For example, I shower in the morning but I also shower when I get home from work before bed. That is usually the time we have the kids showering so it is not uncommon for them to hop in the shower with me. Likewise, it is not uncommon for them to shower together. Right now I don't think twice about it b/c my oldest two are boys and my daughter is only 3 (although I try to be a bit guarded with my daughter since she likes to pull things ...). On the other hand, my W was going to take a shower and my oldest wanted to hop in with her, and we just kinda looked at each other as it just felt a bit awkward.


I don't remember my H ever showering with our boys... I did up until around 3ish with our oldest as it was often more convenient. I stopped when he started noticing differences.

After that I just stuck whoever I could catch in the tub and let them splash each other clean

All 3 boys were pretty independent showering by age 5-6.

I won't walk around naked, but sometimes underwear briefly... Nothing skimpier than a bathing suit, and not often. Usually it's if I'm getting dressed and need something in the laundry on another floor...


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post #44 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 01:32 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

We never had A "talk". These conversations are ongoing and always have been.
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post #45 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 01:13 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

This may help:

https://www.facebook.com/44361049916...3611966161838/


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