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post #46 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 01:28 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

We had the puberty/sex talk with my oldest at around 9. She's precocious, but very uptight about stuff at the same time. She's lived in mortal terror of getting her period since then, but I suspect that if she got one with no advance warning she'd have lost her mind altogether.


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post #47 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 06:36 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

My 5th grader just had the talk the other day. My wife warned me it was coming up so I was prepared for all kinds of questions. He came home, walked in the door and sat down to do something. I let an hour or so pass and then was like "so.....how was school today?" The normal answers and then I said "did you talk about anything else?". He says "oh yeah, we talked about mcnuggets" and then proceeded to bring me out a double sided piece of paper that looked like it came out of a 1970's health book.

When I was that age (23 years ago) I remember they had our dads watch the video with us one afternoon. I think our dad laughed more than we did as the kids. I still remember the pamphlet they gave us guys was sponsored by Tampax.......
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post #48 of 58 (permalink) Old 10-27-2016, 08:22 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

We answered questions as they were asked. We told our kids fairly young, definitely before ten. I'm not for sure, but I think they were about eight. We discussed their bodies with them from when they were really little talking about what parts are private and how no one is allowed to touch those parts of their bodies unless there is something wrong that needs to be addressed.

When my first child asked me where babies come from I told her "from sex," but I didn't explain sex. That was okay with her at first. A year or so later she asked me what sex is and I sat down with her and told her. She was interested in where her vagina was, so I gave her a mirror and let her look. When I suggested that to her younger sister when she was at that stage, she was not at all interested. Each child is different. I spoke to them at their level when they were ready. They got a little information at a time.

I was concerned about what they might learn from other children and didn't want them getting false information from their friends. I didn't want to wait for too long. My daughter came home and told me something she heard from one of her friends and I explained that the information was not correct. My daughter said the girl heard it from her mother and I told her that her friend should go talk to her mother again, because there was a misunderstanding and what she said was not right. I think they got it straightened out.

I did and still do have a very open relationship with all my kids. I made it my job to be their best friend who they could talk to about absolutely anything and get an answer. I believe parents need to be there for their kids as an authority figure and someone who has their back no matter what. My kids still come sit on my bed and talk to me when they need to talk to someone. They trust me and know they are going to get the truth and they will be held accountable as well. Nothing is off limits.

As far as showering, I rarely showered with the kids and only when they were under 3. My husband never showered with the kids.

Once when my oldest was about a year old, I had her in the shower with me. I am extremely nearsighted. I saw something on the shower floor, bent down, picked it up, and put it right up to my face where I could see it. Apparently my little girl had pooped while I was washing my hair.

I stopped dressing in front of my son when he was around 3. I didn't think it mattered with my girls. We have one main bathroom, so sometimes the girls will come talk to me when I'm naked after my shower and doing my hair, etc. They do not care at all. They are 22 and 19 now, but they've always been that way.

My son is 17. He gets a little embarassed if he has a friend over and I'm in a bikini. I sunbathe as often as possible in the summer. One of his friends asked him why his mother was walking through the house naked. He said, "She's not naked! She has a bathing suit on." Then he asked me to buy a coverup, so I did.

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post #49 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

Just thought I would give a quick update. As of now I haven't had any further talks about sex with my son. As I mentioned earlier, when I did speak with my son, the focus of the conversation wasn't meant to be on sex but instead what I felt at the time were much larger issues (social media, bullying, respecting others, suicide, peer pressure, etc...). Unfortunately, just recently another young person took their life where bullying is believed to be a major factor. My W and I are going to sit down again with him to discuss. This is rather alarming when you consider this is the second incident (both 13-14yr olds) in less then a month in a small community
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post #50 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:27 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

Wow. That's really sad.
It is really good that you are addressing these issues with your son and helping him process it. That's such an important part of parenting that a lot of people seem to miss.

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post #51 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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Wow. That's really sad.
It is really good that you are addressing these issues with your son and helping him process it. That's such an important part of parenting that a lot of people seem to miss.
Unfortunately, it appears this is becoming a growing issue among young / middle school kids

Middle School Suicides Reach An All-Time High : NPR Ed : NPR
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post #52 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:44 AM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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Unfortunately, it appears this is becoming a growing issue among young / middle school kids

Middle School Suicides Reach An All-Time High : NPR Ed : NPR
What does your son say about how he feels about it all? I think helping them to process and understand their own feelings is important. When kids feel heard and supported, they are much safer.

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post #53 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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What does your son say about how he feels about it all? I think helping them to process and understand their own feelings is important. When kids feel heard and supported, they are much safer.
I don't think he has fully processed yet (at least when we first talked, he seemed more intent on just listening to everything I had to say). I am hoping now that my W and I will address again with him, he will have a little better understanding of what happened and can better verbalize how he feels about it. I would definitely like to get some feedback from him on what is going through his mind.
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post #54 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:10 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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I don't think he has fully processed yet (at least when we first talked, he seemed more intent on just listening to everything I had to say). I am hoping now that my W and I will address again with him, he will have a little better understanding of what happened and can better verbalize how he feels about it. I would definitely like to get some feedback from him on what is going through his mind.
It's very good that you are concerned about these things for him. He will grow up being able to identify and process his emotions. Something that few adults are good at, but it is a healthy way to live.

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post #55 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 04:34 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

I have young kids myself and the school has a program about child safety and you body belonging to you - more stranger danger and abuse prevention, but I know of organisations that exist to prevent Teen suicide.

Would it be possible for the schools to contact organisations that run school programs to prevent teen suicide? I know that when a teen suicides it often seems to "trigger" more teen suicides, especially in rural areas. If you contact one of these organisations yourself they would be happy to talk about what children may be feeling after hearing about the suicides, but it sounds like you have very open communication with your child and talking about it makes a big difference.

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post #56 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 03:51 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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That's so sad and it's a lot for a kid to handle. Suicide, underage drinking, lack of consent, misuse of social media, NO ADULT SUPERVISION etc.
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post #57 of 58 (permalink) Old 11-10-2016, 03:55 PM
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Re: The "Talk" and other stuff

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I don't think he has fully processed yet (at least when we first talked, he seemed more intent on just listening to everything I had to say). I am hoping now that my W and I will address again with him, he will have a little better understanding of what happened and can better verbalize how he feels about it. I would definitely like to get some feedback from him on what is going through his mind.
I found that it helped if I prefaced such things by talking about similar examples in my childhood. "I knew a kid who..." And then I'd talk about how I felt about whatever it was, or how I handled a situation, or how someone else handled it. Then I'd ask my daughter if she'd given any thought to what she was going to do, or I'd ask her what kind of thoughts she was having. It was kind of leading, but I also found that if I didn't set such things up, she didn't really know how to put her feelings into words, it was all just a jumbled swirl in her head. But by seeing me take such an instance and spread it out in a more logical event sequence, it allowed her to do the same.
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post #58 of 58 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 03:30 AM
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However, it appears this boy and another attended a party a few days prior, the girl there passed out drunk, one of the boys decided to jerk off on the girl while the other boy video taped it and in some manner made the video public (which made its way to the authorities, etc...).
Wow, I'd call all of that the dire consequences of very bad and negligent parenting which inspired a girl to get drunk and pass out and two boys to do very immoral deeds thanks to little or no adequate parental guidance. If these kids had even minimally adequate parenting, the girl would not drink at all and the boys would have never done what they did out of self respect and honor. All these kids are the sad and sorry VICTIMS of rotten parenting which has FAILED to help them DO WHAT'S RIGHT. Don't blame this ugliness on "porn"!

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So curious for the folks here, at what age did you start talking to your kids about sex? I felt like I needed to give my son more details as there were other issues that needed to be discussed, but left if at the boy peed on her (I honestly don't feel unless absolutely necessary that sex needs to be discussed with a 9yr old).
I am not a parent, but, I could have used some kind of sensible "sex" ed. at about 5-6 when a neighbor girl privately began showing my brother and I her body and we didn't yet know it was "wrong" other than the girl made sure we did it where GOD could not see us! It wasn't long that we discovered that ANYTHING involving sex was a shameful, fearful and extremely uncomfortable topic with ALL adults. Shame-based adults were the absolute norm in my childhood experience. I don't know why you are not comfortable talking about sex with your 9 y.o. other than the sad possibility that you are a Shame-based adult - just like my parents were. I could have handled sex information at that age BUT my Shame-based parents could not!

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You do have to wonder what was going through these boys' heads, did they have access to porn and that is where they got the idea from ....
If those kids are like us kids were back in the '40s, they had virtually no sex education and got all their sex ed. from other kids out in the streets. I guess the presence of porn might be the next best source of sex ed. for modern kids but, so long as shame-based adults FAIL to help their kids understand at least a few basic things about sex, love and respect, doing what those very neglected boys did will just be the norm including the girl who got drunk. IMO, all of this sh*t is simply the sad consequences of very bad and inadequate parenting just like it was back in the '40s. I wonder if our culture will ever grow up enough to produce wise and adequate parents who are no longer SHAME-BASED and ruin their kids as a result of this horrible SHAME.

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What a great time to be raising children!
It sure beats the dismal time I grew up in where there was no Internet or porn to get at least a little bit of a sex education from since no adult had the courage or intelligence to tell us anything at all - UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.

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