Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs. - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 03:50 AM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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15 years for THAT?!?! Holy crap that's brutal.

Tell her to move up here to Canada - it's gonna be legal sometime next year in our whole country
Maybe OK has a lot of privatised prisons that they need filled. It's been shown that judges will take backhanders for giving custodial sentences.

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post #32 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 12:12 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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My wife and I are going to help her, we just wish she learned the first time.
Of course you wish she learned the first time. She didn't, and she probably didn't learn this time either and she'll keep screwing up until she figures it out on her own and you'll keep helping her because that's what responsible parents do.

Even with your help and the assistance of a qualified attorney, from what I've read here she may very well be looking at some jail time. The question is does jail make people more or less likely to be repeat offenders. I'm not so sure jail is rehabilitative as it's supposed to be if anything she will make the wrong friends and may continue the activity and incur harsher sentences each time.
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post #33 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 03:15 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

.

Last edited by AP3; 11-02-2016 at 06:12 PM.
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post #34 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 03:47 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

This might be worth looking into if you haven't already. Adult Drug Court programs in Oklahoma.

https://www.ok.gov/odmhsas/Substance...lt_Drug_Court/

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #35 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-26-2016, 04:14 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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15 years for THAT?!?! Holy crap that's brutal.

Tell her to move up here to Canada - it's gonna be legal sometime next year in our whole country
Here in the land of the free, residents of one state are subject to a fine of up to $10,000 and a year in jail for a first offense and one to ten years in jail for repeat offenses for........... selling sex toys.

Last edited by Steve1000; 10-27-2016 at 11:39 AM. Reason: stupid spelling error
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post #36 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 02:04 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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My wife doesn't want this to affect her and is saying we should spend as much as we can to get her a good defense attorney and even help with any fines etc. she may have. Personally, I don't want to, not that I don't love my daughter but I really think she needs to learn a lesson, this isn't the first time she's run in with the law either. When she was 19 she was arrested for having marijuana. We bailed her out then as well.
And...she will continue to expect you to bail her out. Of ALL of life's 'issues with her.'

IIWY, I would take her to a lawyer where you sit down and write up a loan agreement wherein she BORROWS the money from you and handles her own defense - like an adult. And agreement wherein the binding contract (meaning she can't get out of it) describes how she will pay you back the likely tens of thousands of dollars it will cost.

Maybe THEN she'll think twice before breaking the law next time, when it affects HER pocketbook.
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post #37 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 02:07 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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My wife and I are going to help her, we just wish she learned the first time.
Did you make her pay back the legal fees the first time? I'm guessing no.
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post #38 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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Did you make her pay back the legal fees the first time? I'm guessing no.
But I'm guessing if not before, he is more likely to this time...
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post #39 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 02:41 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

I am a huge cynic when it comes to the courts. "who ever said money can't buy happiness has never been arrested" is a truism.

But what should it buy? First how are the judges and prosecutors elected/appointed ? Who are the people in their lives? Look for center of influences.

If the area you live in appoints the judges, who are the elected people involved and which one's are tight with the judge band prosecutor. Who are their mentors and supporters? Who has been a life time friend, who are there inlaws find these background people. Look for a lawyer with a high success rate at reaching favorable plea deals. Often in these situations it is never 5 grand gets 3 years with 1 year instead of ten years in on a 15 year sentence. Instead it is based on a long term support both politically and personally forming a mutual aid admiration association.

Do not get caught with her friends making a deal leaving your daughter to be the wall trophy to prove how tough the prosecutor is.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #40 of 50 (permalink) Old 10-30-2016, 06:24 PM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

What is your daughter's attitude? Is she at least scared?

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post #41 of 50 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 03:40 AM
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Question Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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she needs to learn a lesson
My question is: What LESSON are you and your wife learning about the type of parenting that produced a drug addict?

choose happiness

Last edited by jimrich; 12-11-2016 at 03:50 AM.
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post #42 of 50 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 04:00 AM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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My question is: What LESSON are you and your wife learning about the type of parenting that produced a drug addict?
I think some reflection is good for both the OP and anyone else with children. But don't be too cheeky. It's not uncommon. A friend of mine from high school had to report her son to the authorities.

Yes, one always asks what could they have done differently.
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post #43 of 50 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 08:24 AM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

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My question is: What LESSON are you and your wife learning about the type of parenting that produced a drug addict?
That's not fair. There isn't always a correlation between parenting and how the child turns out.

Neglectful, abusive, lower class ghetto parents can produce Ivy League scholars and upper middle class, doting attentive parents can produce criminals. It can be do to who the child meets, their genetic makeup, random circumstances in their lives, and just plain bad luck.
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post #44 of 50 (permalink) Old 12-11-2016, 11:17 AM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

Around here, everyone knows that if you want drugs, you go to the kids at the 'rich' school. They're the ones whose parents throw money at them and tell them to go 'do something' - i.e. stay out of our hair. And that's been that way since I went to high school, 40 years now.

We're friends with a lot of cops, and they've all told us that that's true - they watch out for the rich kids more than for the poor ones. For drugs anyway. More theft among the poor ones, more drugs among the rich ones. There's one mall here where it's all high class stores, and one cop told us that's where they catch most of the drug sellers. Cos those kids have money, natch.
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post #45 of 50 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 12:56 AM
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Re: Daughter and her friends were arrested for drugs.

If kids had ADEQUATE PARENTING, none of them would turn to drugs, etc. - Rich or Poor! Parenting is the bottom line unless one needs to toss in genetic or natural stuff but even then, good parenting will make things better while bad parenting gives us what we have right now - a run away herd of messed up kids - who will turn out the NEXT HERD of messed up kids!

choose happiness
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