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the 13 year old is clinging hard to this belief, and is saying things to show his fervent dedication about it. I've been purposely leaving clues so he would figure it out but he is showing strong blind faith and basically denies the possibility
I am of the belief that he is too old to believe in Santa now and my wife agrees but doesn't think we should flat out tell him. I also fear the social impact he is creating for himself as he is getting into arguments with friends who are trying to tell him the scoop.
the 13 year old is clinging hard to this belief, and is saying things to show his fervent dedication about it. I've been purposely leaving clues so he would figure it out but he is showing strong blind faith and basically denies the possibility
I am of the belief that he is too old to believe in Santa now and my wife agrees but doesn't think we should flat out tell him. I also fear the social impact he is creating for himself as he is getting into arguments with friends who are trying to tell him the scoop.
thoughts/suggestions?
My lovely STBXW continues to feed our 12 year old stories about Santa - and has been ADAMANT that he exists any time there is a question.
I'm not sure if my oldest (12) really buys into it, or is just going along with Mom to keep things simple.
I'm ready to tell her - but going through a divorce - I'm choosing to let this "battle" go and focus on more important things.
STBX's biggest concern is that the oldest will "use" the info to emotionally harm her younger sister (9).
Personally - I would tell him the truth the next time he asks you directly if Santa is real...
This is a tough spot but he needs to be told the truth, because at this time of year, if he says that Santa Claus is real in front of his peers, his social standing will go down the toilet. It doesn't take much at ALL at that age.
It's not going to harm him to find out the truth. You can simply say that Santa, like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, are part of the magic of childhood, and are "real" in the sense that when we believe in something, it is real to us, but not "real" in the sense that they actually exist / can be touched / live outside our own imaginations.
He's definitely old enough to understand the difference.
(I say this as someone whose parents refused to let us believe in Santa Clause at any age, and who got yelled at by the kindergarten teacher for trying to explain to my fellow kindergartners that Santa Claus was "a lie your parents told you.")
I really doubt he knows the truth, he is actually fighting with friends about it and gets angry
That sounds like its becoming a problem. For us - oldest will come home feeling a bit embarrassed.
I'm not sure my parents ever actually "told me" anything. My mother once said if I quit believing, I might not get presents - so I pretty much quit asking at that point.
If he's literally getting into fights/arguments - its probably time to step in and have a little chat...sorry...
I am trying to recall when/how my kids found out and I can't - I know I never had to flat out tell them. And I know that by the time they were 13 none of them believed any more.
Do you think he just won't admit it because he's afraid the presents will stop? I do think it needs to be addressed, because if he continues to argue with his friends he's gonna be labeled a weirdo. He probably knows perfectly well but just doesn't want to admit it to himself.
Does he still believe in the easter bunny and tooth fairy? If not, maybe use that as a starting point.
What a tough thing to have to deal with. Kids can sure throw curve balls can't they?
he actually woke up during the tooth fairy switch 2 years ago and told his brother that the tooth fairy can change her appearance to look like Daddy
Okay, well the problem there is kind of obvious. Why are you still doing the "tooth fairy switch" at that age? 11 is far too old for the tooth fairy!!
It's "magical thinking" when they're little. 13 is puberty. At his age, it's ... well, I don't want to say anything too harsh because this is your child we're talking about, but these beliefs resemble delusions. Maybe a conversation with a child psychologist would be warranted. Something may be going on. There may be some underlying reason why he's clinging to his childhood. Does he have anxiety issues? Is he "in his head" a lot? Does he have a normal middle school social life? Does he have other beliefs that aren't based in physical reality at all?
I just mentioned this to my husband and he said "that's a pretty minor problem to have. Maybe he'll be a writer someday - it could turn out well. Every person believes in something that's not real, in order to make it through life. For most people it's God. Santa is his."
I just mentioned this to my husband and he said "that's a pretty minor problem to have. Maybe he'll be a writer someday - it could turn out well. Every person believes in something that's not real, in order to make it through life. For most people it's God. Santa is his."
So there you go, another point of view.
Yeah - kind of agree with your H there Omega! I think life has its special ways of beating all the creativity and magic out of life!
BUT - even so - I think its time to talk...good luck AR!!!
These artsy types, I tell ya. My daughter is very artsy and she sometimes has 'magical thinking' too. Her older brothers ruined Santa for her at a tender age, though. For her latest career endeavor, she wants to become a Paranormal Investigator.
So I had to run to Target to get my son a shirt for his concert tomorrow. So I took him to see the fit and after getting the shirt I headed over to their toy department. I asked my son which nano bug his brother wanted and he grabbed it. I said to him, "this will be a perfect gift from Santa!"
He shot me a look and said, "Santa asked you to buy it?" (in a sheepish tone because he knew what I was actually saying)
I replied, "sorta, because I am Santa and your mother is Santa and anyone else who wishes that children will have a merry Christmas is Santa, and since you helped pick it out you are also Santa. Now don't tell your brother that we bought this!"
I think including him in on the Santa duty made the bubble pop go easy, he seemed content with the fact that Santa is within us. Posted via Mobile Device
Burst the Santa bubble? 
You get better presents if you believe.
