Re: Fiance passed away and now I have in laws issues!
I know when I lost my father earlier this year, that being the oldest son the expectation was there that I would carry the family through this period of loss. Being the solitary griever I had become (or maybe always was), I placed everybody else first for the next three months as we put things together for the transitions that needed to happen. We are a very close family and I was close to my father not just in heart, but literally 5 minutes away from he and my mother... I was the last to see him in the hospital that night and the first there 10 minutes after his passing very early the next morning.
I needed time to mourn that never came, that period of solitary reflection that I had to deny myself to keep things right for others.
We need time to grieve on our own terms without taking away the heavy weights that will in time transform as balance for the two wonderful stockpiles of compassion and wisdom. Perhaps it is looked on as a weakness, selfish of character or as a failure of practice. But from my point of view, it is a necessary part of a very human existence, an experience that opens an understanding of compassion, mature growth, and enhances depth and humility.
It is easy to feel pushed if one doesn't understand the needs of others... my family needed me to be strong for them at an expense they couldn't understand at the time.My sister told me during the estate sale that I "needed to let go" like she and my brother did. What she didn't understand was I gave them room to release their sadness while carrying the weight for them and my mother... I finally got mine a couple months later at his gravesite, by myself, on my own terms.
Whatever conflict we feel, loss of someone we love deeply is a personal experience we don't always care to share the same way. I agree with Gus they may need you, or it may be the case they presume you need them as we often give the compassion we want, at times in error with misunderstanding or assumption, a landscape that is so varied that it can only be uniquely discovered through our most intimate experience.
May you find the peace and understanding you need for calm in this time of facing humanity in it's fullest...