[Rainy121411]

Hello,
I am looking for some opinions about the situation my wife and I have find ourselves in.
In 2006 I finished with the military and returned, after many years, to my home town. I returned with my wife who I had met in the Philippines. My mom, dad, brother, sister in law, numerous aunts uncles cousins and nieces all live in or near this town. When I came home I expected them to be willing to help in any way they can in my transition to civilian life and to welcome my wife to the family.
Well, I never really did recieve much of a welcome home, and in fact my wife was never taken-in by any of my so-called family members. We were expecting a baby, when he was born no one came to the hospital to see how we were doing. We brought him home from the hospital to an empty house . Nobody came around to help. Nobody offered to help. My wife had a c-section and couldn't walk very well so I had to stay home from work and take care of her and the baby.
I later came to learn that my Mother had said horrible negative things about me to my wife, things like: has he been hitting you? If not it's only a matter of time. He is in love with a past girlfriend, he is this; he is that. All a bunch of imaginary negative bull****. (Best description.) This all was said to her while she was pregnant. An apparent attempt to get her to leave. I have never hit a woman in my life.
Good thing my wife knows me well enough to not beleive any of it. She is college educated, and speaks perfect English and she was a school teacher in the Philippines ,but we were shocked and horrified at what had taken place. If I had known I would never have gone there in the first place. I had been away from home for a very long time, but I never knew my family was racist. That is the only explaination I can think of. I am white. My family is blonde hair blue eyed or brown hair and hazel.
Afer days and weeks and months of nobody coming around to see my wife and newborn son at home while I was at work we finally drifted apart from the family and we found ourselves alone in my home town. On our own with no relatives to help in any way.
Eventually, 18 months later, we quietly moved away to another state. We now have another cute little boy and it is just the four of us. We have our little spats once in a while, but my wife and I are in love and we love our kids. We have eachother. We have little or no contact with my family. I have invited my Mom to come and visit her grandchildren, I offered to pay for a plane ticket, all she had to do was get to the airport and she could be here to see us in a few hours, expenses paid, but nope. "I am too busy", at what, being retired? It is a painful thing. But I choose my wife and sons over my so-called family. Sry for rambling on. I hope this story is clear enough for you to understand and I hope I can get some opinions.

Thanks.

[that_girl]

Well, in my opinion, you did the right thing.

You didn't play into the drama or BS...and you did offer for your mom to come visit HER grandchildren.

How sad that she's so blinded by her own ignorance to not want to see those kids. Shame. But it's her loss.

[Rainy121411]

Originally Posted by that_girl

Well, in my opinion, you did the right thing.

You didn't play into the drama or BS...and you did offer for your mom to come visit HER grandchildren.

How sad that she's so blinded by her own ignorance to not want to see those kids. Shame. But it's her loss.

Thanks for the back up. That's the way we see it too. Its just amazing. I'm trying to think back that maybe I did something real horrible when I was a teenager before the military or something to that effect to make them act this way, but there is just nothing bad enough that I can think of. It is perplexing. Her loss alright.

[EleGirl]

Is your family upset that you went into the military and left for a long time?

My father was in the military. My mom's family resented that he 'took her away'. When we visited they would say mean things about my father.

Is it possible that your family it upset with you or you lost your connection to them by being away all those years?

Has your mom always been this mean to people?

Did you ever discuss anything with your family about the way they treated you, your wife and children?

It sounds like you have a lovely wife and children. Protecting them from your family is wise. It's your family who loses the most here... especially your mother who has no contact with her grand children.

[Rainy121411]

Originally Posted by EleGirl

Is your family upset that you went into the military and left for a long time?

My father was in the military. My mom's family resented that he 'took her away'. When we visited they would say mean things about my father.

Is it possible that your family it upset with you or you lost your connection to them by being away all those years?
I never really felt that over the years I was gone. Nobody ever mentioned anything about anybody being upset that I had left.

Has your mom always been this mean to people?
No. My Mon has always been nice. I don't recall her ever being mean to people. But I had never been married before, so I have no way to know how she would react to my wife no matter where she was from.

Did you ever discuss anything with your family about the way they treated you, your wife and children?
I have mentioned that nobody cares about us, but they are experts at ducking and dodging and turing things around. Recently my Mon said that I had a "Syndrome" and that is why they avoided us because they think I am dangerous becasue of my experiences in the army. That is nonsense.

It sounds like you have a lovely wife and children. Protecting them from your family is wise. It's your family who loses the most here... especially your mother who has no contact with her grand children.

Yep. we think its wise to keep them away from the kids too. They could take long trips to las vegas for three weeks, but they could't come over to help their daughter in law with her new born son. We have prett much written them off.

[rogergrant]

Well that's messed up.

Your nuclear family always needs to be #1. It sounds like you have a great wife and kids. Enjoy what you have. Your mother is the one who's going to suffer the most. It's certainly unfortunate.