That's not happening. Mother in law lives with US not the other way around. She makes $11 an hour as a CNA and honestly, thats all she can really do. Until she finds someone else to live with or we start making enough to support her in different living arrangements, we are unfortunately stuck with her.
Well, not to be mean, but if this is what you've convinced yourself of, then you have no reason to complain. Because, as other posters have alluded to, THIS is the main problem...not the crabby MIL! It's hard enough living with people you DO like...people who DO respect you and your opinions, lifestyle, habits, etc. Trying to live peaceably with someone who clearly isn't able or willing to do so is LUDICROUS!!!
Has she convinced you "That's not happening," as you state? Or did you and DH convince yourselves of this? Despite wherever that misguided deception is coming from, the fact of the matter is that if this is what everybody has resigned themselves to, then you will NEVER improve the situation.
OR! You and DH could expand your thinking where it regards his mother's living arrangements. Realize that there are MANY older people who have housemates because they can't afford a place of their own alone! Look around...they're everywhere!!! Stop getting hoodwinked by this woman and allowing her to wreak havoc on your marriage. If she won't start looking for alternate living arrangements, then start looking FOR
her! TODAY! Give her a 90- or 120-day notice...or whatever you deem ample time to find other arrangements. I find it hard to believe that this son (whose wife she detests) is the only relative that she can live with. This woman is playing you guys like a $3 fiddle!!!
What about all the elderly folks out there (not necessarily relatives) who would LOVE to have a live-in to help clean, manage bills, run errands, etc.? Are there not other relatives around her age that she could live with? I mean, really? If you convince yourself that something is not possible...you're right, it's NOT. But the day you get honest with yourself and open your mind to new possibilities, things can start to change. But as things stand right now...why the heck should she even TRY to do better if you guys are happy to babysit her and put up with her disrespect?!?! I had a testy MIL too, but this stuff you're describing? HTTN! I'da LONG kicked her arse to the curb!!! Constantly denigrating me in my OWN house? I thinks NOT!!!!
OK, sorry to ramble on, but I just had to get that in there. Cause the truth as I see it is this: The baby shower issue pales in comparison to the REAL problems here!!!
You're about to bring a baby into a home that's rife with animosity and tensions. Think twice about that. You're worrying about whether people will get along for an event that will last, at best, a few hours. May I respectfully encourage you to think about the more critical issue here...MIL's effect on your precious child during her foundational years.
Long story short...MIL needs to get the he*l on so you guys can grow your marriage and family in peace!!!