Wife fighting over baby names - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Wife fighting over baby names

Wife and I have been together for 13 years, married 8. She is pregnant with our 6th (and last!!) child. She's in her early 30's now and doesn't want kids past 35 (in secret I'm happy about that). Here's the issue... she is adamant on choosing baby names that she likes, there is no wiggle room. There is no "well you choose the first name I choose the middle name" or "you choose this baby and I'll choose the next". No... she chooses, every time and regardless of my opinion. Thankfully, she doesn't give them weird names, too many people do. She has this theme going on... Our kids names are:

Emmett, Eleanor, Everett, Elliott and Emmeline.

Notice anything... And she wants this last baby to follow suit, with an 'E' starting name. Evelyn Rose to be specific. She won't budge, unless I have another 'E' name to offer. Middle names are the same, though they don't follow a pattern she chooses them (Nathaniel, Alexander, Sebastien, Violet and Clementine).

Do I just let it go? Have another name chosen that I'm not crazy over? There are no family ties to the names, just names she likes. I don't loathe the names... So do I just go with it, make her happy? Or stand my ground? We've tried going through name books but she is so frickin' picky that going through a thousand names will leave a small handful that she likes.

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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

I can think of worse things than disagreeing over a baby name.

Such as financing 6 college educations.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

You have bigger problems than baby names.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Does she insist as strongly about getting her way with other things?
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:35 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Do you have a sewer or a septic system?

Because if it's a cesspool you've definitely got bigger problems than baby names and even college expenses.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

There definitely are worse things to fight about or bigger problems to have. She isn't this controlling on most other decisions. Things with the kids she does tend to be very insistent on. To be fair, she studied child psychology/development in school and has a hard time deviating from what she thinks is correct.

We don't have a lot of other problems in our marriage. The beginning was rocky but it got better about 8 years ago, which is when we married.

We are in Quebec Canada, tuition here is $3,500/year. We have an RESP with $128,000 in it. We will continue putting $18,000/year into it. We wouldn't have a large family if we couldn't afford it. All of their tuition costs will be covered and a portion of their living costs, if they live away from home.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

If your marriage is basically good and there are no huge problems, I'd suggest that you just accept that this is the way she is.

Are there any names that fit her criteria that you like?

If all the other names begin with the letter "E" and the last child's name does not, that child could grow up feeling like the odd kid out. Kids will find the strangest things sometimes to fuss over. So maybe, since a patter has been going on for this long, it's a good thing to continue it.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:11 PM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Compromise with "Ermegarde" and keep her happy.

Or you could make it a very tech-savvy name. If you like the name Jane, for example, you could make it "E-Jane".
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

She is being unfair. This choice (as most decisions in marriage) should be agreed upon between you.

I agree there are much bigger problems you could have, but that doesn't invalidate your feelings and opinions as the father of this child.

Ciao,

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

so it's not that she specifically has to have a certain name, but that she is clearly set on "e" names? You said she would consider alternative E names if you suggested them.

I agree with elegirl. At this point, anything other than an E name is going to make your youngest feel left out.

You could simply use nicknames. My uncle calls my cousin Oscar, and his real name is Austin. The nickname caught on and everyone calls him that.
Or if you settle on Evelyn Rose, you can obviously call her lyn, or Rosie, or whatever. Bargain for something that shortens to something you can live with.

She can make the birth certificate names a hill she will die on, but after their birth she really has no say in what you call them. Plenty of kids are called something other than the name they were born with.

There is a local family with N names, and the youngest kids go by their middle names because the dad wouldn't budge on the N's. I don't blame them, there are 8 kids and the last few n's are made up names with an N substituted for the first letter. ( Narissa, Nichelle, etc.)


Forget enough to get over it, remember enough so it doesn't happen again.

Last edited by sixty-eight; 01-28-2017 at 01:36 PM.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 12:21 AM
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You could go Tolkien and name her Eowyn, or Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and name her Evangeline...
I'm sorry she's being stubborn about this, for your sake. It took us 8 days after birth to finalize our firstborn's name (I had him at home, so we weren't hurried).
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 07:10 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Your topic says fighting.

Are you actually fighting over this?

Does she get her way often?

I can understand the investment in picking names early, but they're your children, too.

What things do you have sole decision making power over in the relationship?

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:02 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Well it's a bit unfair and she is certainly a professional mom. 6 in 8 years! Here is my concern, Continuing with the assumption that the oldest is 8 or younger, Does she involve you in parenting decisions? Or, is she so well educated that she thinks you should not have any input in parenting? Anyway you think about that and if there is a problem we can talk about it.

As to the names other than the same first letter, (better than the alphabetical order method) She picks good names. Let me tell you my story. We have 4. We each came into the relationship with one very strong name choice. Family tradition. But we ended up with two other daughters that needed names. She proposed Megan Elizabeth, Which I hated for various reasons. When the First Daughter was born I took a look at her, Turned to my wife and said "That isn't a Megan", she agreed and within minutes she was Sarah Katherine. A win for me or a narrow escape. As it turned out it was a name of a Great great aunt of mine and the genealogists on my side thought it was a wonderful choice. Sarah loves her name and since Junior high has regularly substituted her middle initial for he last initial in casual correspondence. There were 4 Sarah's in her High School class. She became Sarah K. even though one of the other Sarahs had a last name starting with K.

The next daughter was much trickier because I already had got my say once. My pick for a girls name had been strongly opposed, and rightfully so. (I had wanted a Greek Name and proposed Effie) Not really sure how serious I was about that, but the girls all thought it was as awful as I thought Megan Lizard was. None of my sisters had middle names so I started pushing for at least removing the Elizabeth. It's hard to remember now but I think I might have been getting some wiggle room on that idea. Any way when she was born, (5 weeks early) blond and pink, she just wasn't Megan either. We settled quickly on Rebecca. Who is now more likely to go by Becca than Becky.

That brought our total to 3. The first Daughter who got Mom's pre-chosen name. And the Irish twins Sarah K. and Becca. So my pre-pick name was still hanging, and if we had another daughter it may have never been used. We even fell in love with an alternate male name and had the kid come out red headed we would have named him Bleys Robert. But luckily he got his uncle's Dark curls (irresistable to the gals) and My tradition name, including the Greek middle name, Craig Anastassios. In case you are curious it is the male version of Anastasia, In the US frequently shortened to Stacy, though the Greeks shorten it to Tass.

I do hope that my examples help you to accept Evelyn, which is a bit old fashioned, but at least easy to spell.
MN
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Perhaps some negotiation? She gets to say an "E" name, i.e., determine first letter, and you get to pick it from the list.

The List: Behind the Name: Names Starting with E

I kinda like Eadwulf myself.

Like a "Boy Named Sue," he'd grow up to be a fighter.

Cheers Mate
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 10:03 AM
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Re: Wife fighting over baby names

Quote:
Originally Posted by 23cm View Post
Perhaps some negotiation? She gets to say an "E" name, i.e., determine first letter, and you get to pick it from the list.

The List: Behind the Name: Names Starting with E

I kinda like Eadwulf myself.

Like a "Boy Named Sue," he'd grow up to be a fighter.

Cheers Mate
I was actually a Sue (Susan) until the minute I was born... doctors didn't know as much as they thought they did, my Mother and Father always laughed at that.
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