Trip Away - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:18 PM Thread Starter
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Trip Away

Both my spouse and I are teachers. We have a 6-year-old and a 9-year-old. My spouse and I work at the same school and have the same Spring Break off - with our kids. We've always spent Spring Break together - we haven't done much, but we've been together.

My spouse decided to spend this Spring Break with a tour of students in Costa Rica for 9 days. No extra pay, no "directive" from administration, just a choice. A choice I find odd since I'd imagine that wanting to be with family - especially at this age - should be paramount. Is this something I should just shrug about and go on, or is this something that's a signal of something else?

Thanks in advance

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post #2 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:00 AM
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Re: Trip Away

I'd say she's taking the teaching job seriously and trying to broaden her world-view. Any chance you can take the same trip? With the kids?

In my more arrogant moments, I can believe that nobody should be permitted to teach unless they have lived in a culture different from the one in which they were raised and/or currently live. Every week I spend in another country, WITH the locals, rather than observing them, is like 3 years of US college in terms of the humanities.

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post #3 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Trip Away

No, no chance we can go. Wasn't even asked or brought up.
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post #4 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:38 AM
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Re: Trip Away

Was the decision discussed or just announced ?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #5 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:57 AM
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Re: Trip Away

Who is the male teacher that is also going?
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post #6 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 01:47 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Trip Away

Just sort of decided. Just "Hey, I'm going on this trip for nine days." I mean this is months ago and at the time I didn't say much because it seemed...I don't know, I didn't want to seem restrictive. And it's not an affair I'm worried about, it's just the thought that we must be screwing up pretty royally as a family if my spouse would rather spend 9 days with 20 students than the family.

I'm not worried about any of the other teachers on the vacation. Just the implication this change has for the family.
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post #7 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 01:53 AM
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Re: Trip Away

You didn't want to sound controlling, so you said nothing.

We've heard that before, here. If you were concerned then, or are now, say something.

But you're right. This does have implications. Something like this should be discussed as a family because it affects all of you.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #8 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 02:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Trip Away

I have said something. The only real response is that it's too late to cancel. And I guess it is. I've thought of taking the kids on an adventure somewhere so we're not all just sitting around here for 9 days while the other half is off kayaking, rafting, hiking, etc. I don't know. It all feels like a no-win.
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post #9 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 02:21 AM
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Re: Trip Away

Hopefully the whole group will get gastro while they're away, hehehehe.

KIDDING!!

You should have said something sooner OP, it likely is too late now. You should also say to your wife that next time something like comes up, that she is to discuss it with you first, so that you can both decide if it's a good time to go and what happens with the kids back home.

I personally can't imagine voluntarily being away from my children for that long, especially a 6 year old...but I'm weird like that lol.
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post #10 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 02:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Trip Away

Yeah, I should have said something. Just didn't want to appear...controlling/insecure/whatever.

So I guess the next step is to try to figure out why this is happening, why the desire to head out this year...The only answer about it so far is "It's a good opportunity for the students"...but that doesn't answer why there is/was no desire to be with us during break.

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post #11 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 02:56 AM
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Re: Trip Away

A lot of men allow things to happen because they don't want to appear controlling. Not saying she'll do something inappropriate. But you should dig some more. "Good for the students" doesn't cut it for me. There was no one else who could go?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #12 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 04:19 AM
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Cool Re: Trip Away

Trips such as this should always carry joint approval, or it's basically a "no-go!" At your children's age, their care and concern is far more important than an educational junket off in some faraway country, even if it is for educational purposes!

Due to the lateness of being next to impossible to cancel, I'd agree with letting her go on this trip as long as she gave me the names of all of the others who was signed up for this trip, but she needs to know in no uncertain terms that if there is another similar trip like this ever planned in the future, that it will either be an inclusive family trip, or a husband/wife trip!

The welfare and joint care of your children trumps all here!

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post #13 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 07:25 AM
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Re: Trip Away

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Originally Posted by ATeacher View Post
I have said something. The only real response is that it's too late to cancel. And I guess it is. I've thought of taking the kids on an adventure somewhere so we're not all just sitting around here for 9 days while the other half is off kayaking, rafting, hiking, etc. I don't know. It all feels like a no-win.
That was her response?

Nothing about making decisions as a couple, or as a family. No regret about any of it ?

Pretty cold answer.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #14 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 07:33 AM
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Re: Trip Away

My wife and I have always been of the "family first" mentality, so this would bother me as well. Our family vacations are precious.

However, if both of you have the summer off, your spouse might not see the nine days as a big deal, knowing that the family vacation time can be made up as early as June. And even though there is no additional salary or bonus involved, your spouse might be aware that the school regards it as a career-enhancing move.

What's the "something else" you're concerned about? A possible affair?
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post #15 of 62 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 07:42 AM
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Re: Trip Away

I think that you should have told him/her how hurt this made you feel and sad that he/she would rather go on this trip than be with you. However, you have SO many holidays together as a family, far far more than most families, so is it really the end of the world?

Just have a good week with the children while he/she is away, it doesn't have to mean a holiday away, just doing stuff together, playing games, going swimming, go to see a film etc, it will be good for them to have the week with you alone for once. Make the most of it and have fun.

Last edited by Diana7; 01-29-2017 at 10:48 AM.
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